The Last Rites

“May his soul rest in peace…

May he get abode in heaven.

May he be cleared from all his previous anomalous conducts.

May the almighty forgive him and gift him a place in his heart.

May his soul be blissful and gratified…

Amen.”

 

The priest repeated his prayers as the dead body of a man in his early fifties was going to be turned into ashes. The body was surrounded by a group of people. All men, outfitted in white clothes– accept a sixteen year old Kavya. She was holding a three feet long wooden stick which had a glimpse of fire at the end. Probably, that stick was used to ignite the body. She was just a couple of feet away from the holy fire – sobbing silently. Her eyes were swollen and red. The tears were constantly rolling.

Her face was looking weary because of crying. The luminosity was replaced by sadness; acute sadness. It was deprived of any expression. Her body looked frail. It felt as if she would fall down any moment. She simply looked like a statue who was breathing and whose eyes were shedding endless droplets of water. The muddy ground beneath her feet was literally wet.

“Beta, give that stick to me.” The priest said.

Kavya did the same in a mechanical way. Her eyes weren’t blinking and she was neither stern nor was she moving. She was just staring at the pyre which was turning blurred as her vision wasn’t clear because of her teary eyes.

The priest got busy in performing the other left over rights as the girl stood there – motionless. Her sniffs were silently converted into feeble sighs. The only girl at a place which wasn’t for girls; the girl who executed the last rites of her dead father. She lost someone who she was a part of. It was a day which was going to be in memories for different reasons – some good and some hidden goods. The day witnessed a change. Very tiny one but worth the power of the word itself.

She should be proud. She should be contented. She made her father special. She helped his soul attain serenity. She helped god in freeing him from the jeopardies of his mortal body. She helped him in attaining redemption. She was able to fulfill one of his last wishes. She made him eternal in a certain way…

But she was a sixteen year old only. Not mature enough to understand the proceedings and ifs and buts of a typical Hindu funeral. All she knew was – she wasn’t going to get the sight of her dad when she will go home. Her dad. Her hero. The only man in her life.

 

*****

 

Just like any other girl, Kavya was the apple of his eyes. The relationship he shared with her was the one that distinguished him from the rest of the world. His daughter was his extra-ordinary part.

Shekhar Pratap Singh was neither a name which was supposed to be remembered by the human clan. Nor was his face and structure worth noticing. He was basically a part of the crowd – earning his butter, having minimal yet trusted friends, respecting his relations, and valuing everything he was blessed with. He was a professor and was loved by his students. He wasn’t someone who believed in setting examples. He helped the other fellows in doing that instead. Modest that he was.

But when his Kavya entered in his world, he became a dissimilar individual. He became a father. He got a tiny owner of his heart – Kavya Shekhar Singh.

After the minute of her birth, he made sure to not leave her alone even for a minute. He used to gaze at her non-coherently with immense affection. He was elated when she rolled her rosy fingers around his thumb. He was overjoyed when her small pink lips formed a curve while she was asleep. Her soft crying voice refreshed him every time he heard it. He used to sit for the whole day, only to see her open eyes for a couple of minutes. She was the only little bud in his garden that was supposed to blossom like no one.

Shekhar was a fond lover of books. Being a professor and a research scholar, he respected books and their company. He used to tell the stories of kings and princesses to Kavya whenever she sat with him while he worked. She was a tender fan of fairytales since she was a toddler. One couldn’t say that she understood everything. But, her eyes shimmered whenever she heard a happy ending.

The two of them used to go for evening walks. His morning was already booked and so, they preferred to watch the setting sun instead.

“Kavya, there is a beauty about the sun kissing the western horizons. It symbolizes that you shouldn’t be upset over what has happened today. You should be sorry but don’t crib over it for the rest of your life. There comes a sunrise after every sunset and this is why you should be thankful to each sunset you will witness in your life.”

Kavya nodded, trying to grasp as much as a seven year old could. Kavya was ahead of her age. Somehow, she used to know the significance behind her daddy’s words. Just like him, she never tried to be someone with whom no one could relate to. She was a silent person. She understood feelings.

*****

“Kavya where are you?” Shekhar said with his eyes covered with a navy blue colored handkerchief.

“Yes dad I am coming.” The eleven year old shouted while juggling between a piece of sandwich, a small bunch of chocolates paired with an envelope.

“Here you go.” She said while un-wrapping his eyes.

“Happy birthday daddy!!” she shouted with her mother standing beside her, enjoying the scenario. As he opened his eyes, he was astonished to see what his eyes witnessed.

The chocolates were organized in the form of a cake along with a hand – made birthday card with their family picture. There was also a portrait of smiling Shekhar.

“What is this Kavya?” he asked. His eyes still wide in amazement and he was about to cry. Happy tears.

“You love sandwiches made by mamma and you break into a smile after eating them. So, I tried to capture your smile because I want it to stay with me. Your smile makes us happier.”

He couldn’t say anything except hugging her and thanking god for gifting him his package of ecstasy.

She knew what made him happy; when was he in a bad mood; why he disliked what he disliked. Overall, she was always connected to him in some way or the other. She knew how to spread happiness by her petite actions.

Every morning, she would help him in dressing up for his college. She was the one who selected his shirt; buttoned it up by climbing on a chair or a wooden table; adjusting and cleansing his spectacles and waving him goodbye only after hearing that he will be back before her favorite Pokémon. She made sure that he had his food properly. After their daily homework, both loved to paint their respective drawing sheets with whatever they wished to. That’s how Kavya started developing interest in making portraits.

“These pictures are what remind us of our happy times. People change but pictures never. Each art will remind you of this time. These are your memories.” Shekhar said.

Since then, Kavya started keeping all the drawings, scribbles, paintings… and letters. Letters written by her father on her birthday. Those letters were her treasured piece of papers. Lesser did she knew that she was going to spend the rest of her life with those remembrances only.

*****

“Dad, what is my name?” Kavya asked. Her face wore a puzzled look.

“What kind of question is that Kavya?” Shekhar replied, amused.

“You know, our teacher today said that the name we are born with, the name with which everyone calls us isn’t our real name. We have to make our name before we die. What does that mean?”

“Yes she was right. And I will explain you the same when you will be sixteen.” He said shortly.

*****

After that day, she started waiting for her sixteenth birthday. This time, the letter was going to be much valuable.

A couple of months before her sixteenth birthday, Kavya got a phone call in her school from her mother that her father was admitted due to acute pain in his lower abdomen and chest. Shocked after what her brain processed, she hurriedly joined her mother to the hospital. There he was, inside the ICU – surrounded by various equipments, machines, a couple of bottles filled with liquids hanging beside him and a few needles pinching his nerves. His eyes were closed. His lips weren’t smiling and he wasn’t looking alive.

That was a sight which wasn’t pleasing for Kavya. Her eyes and heart weren’t working in sync. She had no idea of what was happening and why was her dad lying on a bed. She was oblivious to the screams of her mind. Her dad couldn’t sleep in the company of machines. He disliked hospitals and he feared doctors. He couldn’t witness blood. It hurt him even if he saw it on the television. He was a workaholic. He barely slept for more than six hours and that also at night only. He can’t see anyone crying because of him. That made him feel like a culprit. He told Kavya that the tears of his loved ones made him weak. They scared him for unknown reasons.

She witnessed a group of doctors taking rounds and monitoring her dad. With the expression on their faces, she was aware that there wasn’t anything right. He was serious.

“His lungs are badly affected by the tumor. Operation is of no use. I am sorry but I can’t tell you to have much hope.” The doctor said to her mother as he came out after checking the reports.

Kavya went near the glass door. Her eyes glued to her father. She was simply looking at him without blinking her eyes. A strange fear immediately surrounded her as soon as the doctor’s voice reached her ears. She needed her dad. She needed him very badly. She was blank. It was all too soon. She was being forced to believe that those were the last few minutes with her father. Was he going to die? Was all of that happening for real? Or, was it a dream? A dream, for which she wasn’t going to forgive herself. How could he go? How could he leave her in between? There were so many unfinished deeds; promises, evening walks, various celebrations. She had only spent fifteen springs with him. Why could he not be her partner? She was immensely missing his presence. She needed his hug and the way he patted her cheeks. She needed to feel special at that very moment.

She opened the door in a jiffy and hugged his body. All of a sudden, she broke down like never before. All the moments from the past started flashing by.

“Why do you have to go? What will I do without you? Who is going to write me letters? Who will hold my hand in every moment of delight and sorrow? Why are you going… you can’t leave me alone dad.” She sobbed while speaking. Her mother and other hospital staff came in and stood behind her.

“… You think I can live without you? No. I can’t even survive. I existed because of you. Why am I alive? I can’t live without you dad. Take me to that place where you will go. I want to die…”

The wails and cries of Kavya were pinching everyone who was witnessing her cries. It was too soon. The whole scene was heart wrenching. Her mom took her face in her hands and both of them cried silently as the machines switched themselves off. That was the end. It was all over.

*****

 

Two months later…

Dear Kavya,

Wish you a very happy birthday. You already know that all my prayers and blessings are for you. You also know that you are the reason why my chest puffs automatically when anyone meets you and they refer to me as ‘Kavya’s father’. You are the most beautiful part of mine.

Today, I am writing this letter to answer what you had asked me some time back…

Yes, this name isn’t our real one. And it takes a good number of years to carve your name somewhere. But it isn’t as hard. I will tell you how. If you want people to remember your name or if you want to leave your identity on this planet, then do whatever you do in your way – leaving a touch of yours. Be as good as you can towards people. If you believe in something then do it. Make sure that people should know you by your work rather than your biological name. Impress people with your charming heart. Be a light for someone. They will remember you for ages.

You can get everything with money but not your name. You have to actually earn it.

Today, I am making a selfish request to you. Please make me special. Let people remember me because of you. Let me feel the privilege of being your father…

I know you will fulfil my wishes and will live my dreams. I want to feel alive through your soul. I don’t want you to cry over the things you can’t control. Be the reason of someone’s smile each day. Tell your mom that she is the perfect partner and thank her for looking after us each minute.

I will end this by telling you that you are the best. You are my favorite. I want you as my daughter in all my next lives.

With love,

Your dad.

 

She read the letter for zillionth time and kept crying for what felt like eternity. The letter gave her enough hints that he knew about his departure. He didn’t wish to tell her about it as he disliked her tears. Lesser did he know that she disliked his absence even more than that.

The words of her father kept ringing in her ears. He wants her to live. He wants her to celebrate life. He wants her to create a name. He wants her to smile…

All of that was tough. But, she had to do that. She had to accomplish his last aspirations. It was the only way to bid him final adieu. That’s how she was going to perform his last rites in a true sense.

 

*****