The gift my moms death gave me

Yesterday was the anniversary of my mom's death.

Sometimes I can't believe how long she has been gone. I go to grab the phone and tell her something or say I gotta ask mom about that as I forget that she is gone 11 years already. 

Yet other times my heart breaks and I cry myself to sleep because I still miss her so much. 

Today as I did my own church, while walking around my lake listening to my favorite gospel music.

I thought about her and I could actually feel her with me. As I looked up into the clouds I knew she was in a better place and I knew that her passing gave me one of my greatest gifts, my freedom.

I know some of you will ask how is that possible? How could losing your mom give you anything but pain. But her death gave me the courage to leave my abusive marriage. It gave me the knowledge that life is too short. See she was never sick a day in her life, she didn't even look her 76 years, she acted like a teenager at times, but poof she was here today, gone tomorrow…just like that.

It shook my world to its core and made me realize I didn't know how much time I had left and did I really want to spend whatever time I had left miserable? No, her death made me realize how I needed to change. It showed me how I only had one life and it may end at any time, and without any warning.

Her death gave me my freedom, to move on, to walk out on fear even if I didn't know what to expect. I knew that I may not have time left and I knew I wanted to, no I needed to be happy. I was so miserable for so many years, trying to please others and drowning in my own unhappiness. 

I am always trying to see the best in everything, I am always looking for the lessons and losing my mom as hard as it was taught me that I had her strength. She was my shero, she was the toughet bitch I knew. She was a hard worker, and she took care of everyone by herself. If she could do it, so could I. 

So today my friends as I remember my incredible mom, I also thank her for her gift her passing left me. My hope for you out there who may be in this situation, is don't wait until you lose someone to realize that life is too short. Live your best life now, live life large and do you! 

Today we will celebrate my mom's life just as we have done every year since she passed. We remember the amazing women she was and what she taught us and of course I will be thanking her for my gift of freedom.

"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreats