Selfish Love

It was a beautiful day to be alive, she reminded herself as she looked out the window. The tiny droplets stuck to the glass slowly congealed to form bigger drops, that were then swept away by the wind! The dark grey clouds easily blended with the green horizon. As she looked on, the green fields passed quickly, as though running backward, leaving a trail of many many shades of green. Occasionally, she could see a few colors rush past, as some farms filled with colorful flowers passed by. As the pictures changed in front of her eyes, her brain was pulled back into the past. She was taken back to another time and place. The glass window, full of raindrops was quickly replaced by three horizontal bars fitted over the window. The green Meadows were replaced by colorful attires of crowded stations, as they whizzed past. Occasionally, a gust of wind would hit her, giving some relief from the humid hot air of the city. She was transported back to a time and place where she had first fallen in love. 

Her love affair had begun decades ago. She remembered going to the place as a child. The big roads, the innumerable bridges crisscrossing each other like two snakes entwined in the throes of passion, the lovely golden bright lights put up everywhere on the wide streets, the salty breeze that reminded of the closeness of the ocean! From the time, she couldn't even remember, she had been in love with this city, which she visited once, maybe twice a year. The place had a kind of glamour to it, a charm that her own hometown probably did not match up to, yet! It was a mandatory visit that was always a vacation beginner, to meet her grandparents. The visit would always have some set rules, such as visiting the beaches, eating crushed ice lollies, waiting on the doorsteps for the kulfi vendors every night. Life was good back then, she recollected. Expectations were few, happiness was in abundance. Life was a happy place. Even as a child, every time, she entered the city, and as she looked at the bright gold pouring on the wide streets, she would promise herself and the city... 'One day I will make you my home. One day you will be a part of me and I will be a part of you,' she would say! 

This annual meeting went on for years. But then, the grandparents got old, they shifted to her hometown to be with her parents, and her visits to the city of dreams reduced. But her love was as strong as ever. Years later, she finally met her soulmate. Someone, who knew the city, who loved her equally, and who had already made her his home. She happily accepted when he proposed. Her childhood dream was finally turning into reality. Her oldest love affair was going to resume soon. She put her foot in the city and triumphantly told her 'See, I have kept my promise, I have made you my home. You are mine now, will you make me yours?' The city only smiled. She had been the object of affection for countless others, she could not afford to make false promises. 

In a few days, the city started showing its true colors. She had to share every inch and every moment of her darling city with millions of others. She had to wait, every time in a queue wherever she went, to just be able to spend a moment alone with the love of her life. She worked very hard, in the aspiration of owning the tiniest corner of her beloved, but the city kept testing her. She gave her blood and sweat to gain some affection from the city, but the city just kept on devouring her like a hungry python. Slowly, the lust faded, the dream of sweet kisses and candlelight dinners shattered, and she realized, what she had fallen for as a child, was just a mirage. The truth was far from golden. It was sweaty, dirty, wet. It was hot, humid, and distant. Slowly, she realized her love story was not to be. The city took and took, never gave back, never acknowledged. It was a one-sided love affair, that had brought her to her knees. Slowly, she began to see the futility of it all. 

And then, she got an out... She got the greatest opportunity to run as far away from the greedy city as she could. She did not even blink, as overnight, she packed her stuff and ran away as far as she could, stumbling right into the arms of her hometown, which was standing strong to pick up the shattered pieces of her heart. She was ashamed, but her hometown had a big heart, ready to forgive her foolishness. He not only opened his heart, he gave her with open arms, everything he had, space, time, energy. Everything she had yearned for, from the day she put a foot in the city under the blinding pink haze of love. 

And that day, she understood what true love was... It wasn't glamorous, it wasn't golden. It was full of acceptance, of giving without conditions. She closed her eyes, when she opened them, she was once again in the present, the green shades, soothing her tired eyes, the light rain, soothing her tired mind, the cool breeze, soothing her tired soul! Another love affair had begun, this time well thought, well deserved! This time, one without mistakes, one without heartbreaks. This time one that made life beautiful!!