Options Galore

Today.....

Shreya was fully packed. Her suitcases were lined up against the wall. Two big ones. Five years of life packed in two big bags. That’s all the footprint she had in this house. She looked around her room, as if committing it to her memory for ever. The curtains of tiny clusters of pink flowers picked lovingly for the windows, her pastel multi coloured patchwork bedspread, crimson and purple array of cushions artfully placed on their bed, the wardrobes with a vanity in the centre, the muted wallpaper she had insisted upon, and oh! the many more intangibles difficult to verbalise but difficult to forget.

She was leaving him He had left her with no other option.

Why are you going, Shreya? And where will you go? Gautam asked again.

She looked at him angrily. “You know why!”

“No, please tell me again. It can’t be just because, you want to work and I want you to look after us, our home, and our children when we plan a family.”

“Just because? Just because?” She glared at him. “Are you even listening to what you are saying? Do you even understand how ridiculous it sounds?”

“What’s so ridiculous about it? Don’t I have any say in your decision?” Gautam argued.

Yes, of course you do. I too wanted it that way. But you are maddening. It’s either your way or the highway. What about my life? My plans? My ambitions? Why can’t you understand, I want to work too? I enjoy designing, I love my work. But you …arrrghhhh!.....Or maybe you think, I have two lives. One with you now, and one later on….” she remarked sarcastically.

The fight was escalating. It was now an everyday occurrence. She was exasperated by his bull headedness. Why was it so difficult to understand that a woman, that also today’s woman is not happy just being a homemaker!? Did he not see around him? Women working in his office? That was acceptable? But his puny mind would not accept his WIFE working??

It was not as if she was being impulsive. She had tried everything. She had appealed, had cajoled, had sulked, had argued, had fights……. but to no avail he had been adamant. So, he did not want to come to an empty house, being a boarder all his life, he wanted to come home to a warm, homey space.

She was ready to consider that too. Work from home-a concept in their sector, much before the lockdown-was the best solution. But no, he did not want the house to be littered by scraps and rolls of materials, the general activity associated with tailoring and of course, her being occupied any time of the day. He was earning good, wasn’t he? Enough for her needs, their holidays, once in a while indulgence? The why work?

His argument had more holes than a slab of Swiss cheese, but try telling him that!

Growing up…..

She had always been drawn towards fashion and outfits. As a teenager, she had chafed at the dresses her mother had forced her to wear. The neighbourhood tailor was even worse. He had been stitching clothes fir the women in the family for years now. He could be so aggravating with his suggestions, ‘neckline too deep for the baby’, or ‘this dress needs a lining, too transparent’ and her with her mother nodding her head in unison, she had grown up wearing the most boring attires ever made.

Hers was an academic family. Her father a mathematics professor in a reputed college, her mother a physiotherapist with her own clinic and her brother studying to be a doctor; it was like a sitting on a live bomb about to detonate, when she voiced her interest in pursuing fashion and not wanting to go the usual route of graduation and beyond. Blown to pieces by their assault, she found herself abandoning her dream of being a fashion stylist.

By the time she entered college her passion for clothes had blossomed into a full-grown obsession. Afternoons were spent pleasantly in doodling and drawing outfits; skirts, blouses, suits, frocks, in fact, anything wearable even sarongs and lounge wear. She loved clothes, period; ethnic or western, she loved them all. Honing her skill meant room full of crumpled balls of paper (hurriedly picked up before her mother spied them) and smudgy fingers with colouring and blending for that final finish. The secret stash of her designs in her cupboard had grown considerably by the time she graduated.

Looking back, college days had been fun. She had a flair for dressing, accessorizing her outfits with a neckpiece here, a stole there; every day was different and the girls started noticing. It was not long before she had become a go-to person for any fashion advice. Soon she was dressing the girls for college functions and without much effort on her part she was a known figure and much in demand.

But then, destiny rained on her plans.

“Shreya, someone is coming to see you in the evening, be at home. And dress well. Not the kind you are generally in, but something respectable.”

“Why? It’s too early, ma. I want to study to be a fashion stylist.And what do mean by ‘respectable?’ I will wear what I want to “

“Don’t argue and stop that nonsense, you can study or do whatever, after your marriage.”

That was it. She met Gautam that evening. He was middle class family’s dream come true. Well educated, check; well-paid job, check; respectable family, check; known family, check; no dowry demands, check!

Presentable, check; tall, check; good-looking …. hmmm, will do! The conversation stilted at first-to be expected- settled down to a flow, mainly from him about his plans, his ambitions, his life goals and his vision. A small niggling doubt in her mind barely had the time to make its presence felt before the families announced happily that it was a done deal. Sweets distributed, jhappis exchanged and her fate was sealed even as she stood gaping.

What about her life? her plans? her ambitions? She recalled a quote of Oprah Winfrey’s…” Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.”

Easier said than done. Gautam always assured her she could do whatever she wished, but somehow the flippant manner added to her unease. Looking back, that was her first mistake; brushing her doubts under the carpet, in the flurry of activity surrounding the marriage preparations.

Five years back….

Her bridal outfit had been a big hit. Designed by her and executed by her family tailor with minute inputs from her, her wedding lehenga had all gaping in admiration. Everyone loved the unusual colour- a pastel pink, bordering towards soft lavender (she’d had it dyed to her specifications) the delicate embroidery of dark pink and green flowerets dotted with silver sparkles, the sheer dupatta, with its silver gotta and the fabric with undulated gently as she walked towards the stage to her groom.

The next way, her wedding trousseau was eagerly unpacked by the various ladies in her sasural to more praise. She was complimented for her designs, her choice of colours and the excellent finish.

Her marriage had started on a happy note.

“You are so talented, Shreya. My mother was really praising you.”

Days settled in a routine. Gautam would leave house at 8.45 AM. He was a CA, working for one of the big fours. So, it was understood, he would never be back early. Dead beat, he would troop in any time after 8.30 PM. Household chores hardly took any time, after all how much work can be generated by just two people?

With days looming large in front of her, she knew it was now or never, to follow her heart. She had retrieved her portfolio (buried deep somewhere in her wardrobe) from her parent’s place and had finally gathered the nerve to open it and see her creations sketched aeons ago.

Today……

She had decided to go to her friend’s place first. Stay with her till she thought about a further course of action. She wanted to study fashion, maybe now ….

She didn’t want to end her marriage, but she also could not envision living her life without realising her dream. She loved Gautam, well most things about him; but this inflexible attitude was so beyond her. All her life she had given in, she had been pushed into a corner till she could go no further, but like a true Cancerian, she was now pushing back.

She didn’t want to be her mother or like women of her mother’s generation, totally dependent on their husbands and men of the family. She was today’s girl. She wanted to lead life on her own terms; compromise, no not compromise; accommodate her husband and their lifestyle in her ambitions and have a fruitful life.

What part of this was so difficult for Gautam to understand?

As she was contemplating her move, she suddenly found Gautam in front of her. All the energy seemed to be drained out of him.

Taking her hands in his, he said, “Shreya, I don’t want you to go. Enough of all this. I love you and cannot think of living without you”.

“I too have been thinking a lot on this issue, contrary to your belief,” he said with his familiar crooked smile. “Okay, you win. You start working from home first and then we will see. Who knows, maybe I will like it too. You see, whole life I have seen my mother at home. Being an only child, I never knew anything else. She looked after dad and ran the home. There was no sibling who could counter my viewpoint.”

“Let’s start again. I promise I will try my best to be a supportive husband and worthy of being your best friend.”

Tears of happiness flooded her eyes. Though she had her doubts, she was ready to give him a chance. He had taken a step forward; she was ready to take hers. She knew the journey ahead was not going to be smooth sailing, but at least it was a start. That should amount to something?

Now…

Shreya looked at herself in the mirror. Twirling the dress around, she saw with satisfaction how it shimmered and sparkled and fell back gracefully in place. It was peacock blue, flashing fresh minty green lines as it moved. The detailing at the neckline and the fall of the fabric suited her perfectly. The smooth satin hugged her curves like a second skin and she knew she had never looked better. She was eagerly waiting for Gautam to come home to see his reaction.

“What’s he up to? Where is he? ” Today was a big day. For her. They were going to his office party and she was wearing one of her creations. Tentatively, she had chosen one of her designs to make an outfit, for a party that she and Gautam were going to, this evening. It was a rather formal office get together and she knew the floor length dress was appropriate for the occasion, and as was her want, detailing at the neckline and the cuffs made it unique.

Just then, she heard his keys turning in the lock and Gautam walked in, preoccupied, no doubt about the upcoming party. Absent mindedly looking around, he spied her standing in the room and gaped at her. His eyes widened at the vision in front of him; she saw with satisfaction and hid a smile. He came towards her, drew her close and said, “You are stunning! What a beautiful dress! Is it new? I have never seen you wear this before.”

She smiled up at him and nodded towards the folder lying on the table. “It’s one of my patterns, which I had made a sketched a long time back. I had a tailor stitch it to my requirements and this is the result!” She twirled excitedly in front of him and his shining eyes made her giddy with happiness.

Needless to say, the evening was a resounding success with her collecting compliments like trophies on her dress from everyone. Gautam’s eyes shone with pride and maybe…. Was it? just a teeny-weeny look of rueful shame for not recognising his talented wife earlier? For being so stubborn about her need to live her life?

With Gautam shadowing her everywhere and being extra attentive was the ultimate cherry on the cake of that eventful day. More was to come. The announcement took them by surprise, though they knew it was on the cards…but sometime in future. He was made a partner in his firm…..the youngest partner till date! The night belonged to Mr. and Mrs. Khanna!!

What a debut it had been, she thought the next day on waking up. She had received orders from Gautam’s colleagues’ wives, when they came to know that she had designed her own outfit. She stretched languidly and planned her day ahead. She had an appointment from one of the ladies at the party yesterday in the afternoon. There were lots to do. First and the foremost, was to launch her own label, her dream for years, sort out the nitty gritties; find a good ‘masterji’, look around for materials and many more. But all this could wait, first she had to find a suitable name for her enterprise. And, like a flash it came to her, ‘Options Galore’!!

Her cup of happiness was spilling over and she had finally validated her passion of wanting to be a fashion stylist. Now there could be no more pauses, she had truly and completely found her raison d’etre.