My Marriage

As a girl who will not have dreams of a beautiful married life and expectation for a caring and loving husband. I am one such melodrama girl who always dreamed of this. This is in fact, an Indian tradition where a girl is made to dream of this.

Especially, when you have seen your parents never fight, their perfect relationship had set up a model of how married life is. How understanding both the partners are with each other.

My mother was a perfect example, yes was, she is no more with us. She was the one who has contributed her whole life to us. Actually, to a level when my brother passed away, unfortunately, she left after him. This is how emotional we become. These are not society-built emotions, these emotions are hereditary, such is my life.

My mother and brother left us and we both, my dad and I were left out, maybe we are bad people, hence had to survive this cruel world.

After they left, I was left with a responsibility to take care of my father, as my mother used to say that I am their son and not a daughter, and hence this responsibility was now mine.

My dad re-married thinking that he would be able to find a better match for me as he will get support from his partner, but, I didn’t give that chance to my dad and I married a guy of my choice. I married my cousin.

I don’t know on what grounds, was it love or some sort of a pity that I got into this marriage.

Yes, I married a divorce, a father of a six-year-old. I didn’t even know why his first wife left him, I never even inquired about it. That was the biggest mistake I did, But, as said before, this all happened because of genetic emotions.

My mother, liked my cousin and wanted me to marry him when I was young, But, as I was very good at studies and he wasn’t I refused to it and also during that time I had a crush on his friend.

He tried a lot that time, but I didn’t change my decision to marry him. Slowly, my mother understood me and she disconnected herself from him. He also left contacts with us.

We were busy in our lives, we heard he got married and when my mother expired, the couple were expecting a baby and hence he didn’t even come to see my mother for the last time. He used to be a favorite nephew to my mother.

My life was shattered and I moved to a different city for my job, as my grandma was there to take care of my father. My father’s marriage worked well in the beginning but later on, there were issues, fights, and no peace in the house. I was back home then but it didn’t feel like a home.

I came to know how a father changes after a second marriage, I realized that until a mother is there with you, no matter even if she is a psycho or a prostitute or a kinnar, will never let the child suffer. Such is motherhood.

So, those days were lessons that a life without a mother is nothing.

My husband was a divorce and had custody of his six years old. In childhood, I rejected him and my mother liked him, and apart from that the realization of the life without a mother made me emotional to marry him.

I don’t know if I had the courage to arrange for a grand wedding as an educated girl like me, who is single is accepting marriage, when I spoke about my marriage with my family, yes, they were against it, but I didn’t realize that they were bothered and worried about me, this step-relationships are so complicated after we all know Cinderella’s story. No matter how good a mother you try to be, you will always remain a stepmother to the world.

So, without not thinking about why these marriages are still uncommon in India, and without self-preparation, I dived into this well of marriage with him.

We did Qazi nikah, I was told by my husband that we will do registered marriage, and the only marriage I know was the religious marriage done at our prayer hall. Apart from that, registered marriage or court marriage wasn’t a part of the syllabus where I studied.

So much of excitement of marriage and on the other side, my father’s marriage was at the stake of divorce and hence thinking of hiding of marrying a divorce and saving father’s money and time, I took the decision to marry him in everyone’s absence.

I got married, Qazi nikah was performed. We informed our families after we took this step. I was working when I got married and hence had to come back home to complete the notice period.

In my marriage, I had a lot of dreams about it, but stupidity was that nothing happened that was dreamed of. There was no marriage dress, no band, no family and their blessings.

But the engagement was done when both the families were present and a small function was held at his house.

So, no bidayi, no reception, and no guests, such a dry marriage. Not even a picture we clicked to remember this day.

Anyway, yes, I married this guy as my mother liked him in childhood and there was a lot of motherhood in me at that time to take care of his son.

Things were fine for few months, being a single parent, my husband had spoilt his son, which took me time to realize until the lockdown happened.

Lockdown had become the only time when one could truly know each other well, as that was the time when everyone was at home.

Initially, I was allowed to work and do the job, but my husband was possessive, I believe I should call it controlling. So, he kept checking my office phone and also, I didn’t go alone anywhere as I was new to the place.

Taking care of him and his family was the only thing that I had in my mind like any other newly married woman. My mother-in-law never had good relations with my sister-in-law, the first daughter-in-law of the house, and nor I could feel good relations with her.

To be honest, I was a girl who never entered the kitchen until my mother passed away and my in-laws were all non-vegetarians, whereas I had never even held the chicken in my hand before.

But the adjustment is what is taught to every girl. So, did I, started to learn to cook and then slowly started to taste to eat chicken. I don’t eat mutton, fish or prawns and other items though, But had started to cook everything.

Within a month, my husband had complained that he is tired of paying the house rent, and even after paying it, he is not getting a better life with his parents, His parents used to calculate the price of chilly while eating when the curry was spicy, not even that, no matter what was bought in the house, did not come with a price tag, but the prices were loudly heard.

So, unable to adjust with them, I had some amount of savings, which I thought I will utilize for us to have a peaceful life. I asked my husband if he would accept the money to lease a house and get separated and he agreed.

We didn’t get the house on lease, as the amount was less. But, my husband took half of the amount in order to get the house on rent, pay the deposit, buy kitchen utensils and other furniture that was needed.

As we shifted to this place, it was a bit far from his son’s school and earlier I used to go by walk and used to pick him up, but now, I had to use auto.

My husband had a car on loan, I also had got my scooty transferred there, So, he was using it for his office, as the car was a big task to drive.

I told my husband to buy another two-wheeler and I suggested him scooty, but his passion was to get a supermodel bike.

So, he got Royal Enfield, actually, I thought of buying for him, as he had returned half of the amount we were to spend on the lease.

So, we were trying to settle ourselves and this lockdown happened. Not sure, if to consider this time as lucky or unlucky.

I had the editing work, work from home and I contributed more hours so that I can help him financially run the house.

Like how the corona spread increased day by day, I felt suffocated with them day by day. Thanks to corona that we were all at home, I never stepped out of the house, whatever was needed, he used to get it.

So, I could never experience what being a Mumbaikar was or what Mumbai looked like.

We didn’t even plan for a honeymoon.

So, time passed, and with time, the differences in us.

I was not aware that giving him money had got differences in our relationship.

And another thing, until the lockdown was over and when I wanted to take care of my health and go for a walk or do the job- I was good at teaching, so I thought to take tuitions and earn.

But, he denied these. No work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. You must have heard this, but I had experienced it.

So, I was at home all the time, taking care of him and his son and in return, I was spoiling my mind, health, and soul.

And it is said a bird who is practiced to fly in the sky can not stay in a cage and such was my situation.

But, to stay in this relationship, I compromised and removed the thought of not working and being at home. My husband had trust issues, initially, it felt like he was possessive, later on, it was like someone forcing you to breathe.

My phone was checked now and then, I was blamed to have an affair with his sister’s son. I was not allowed to go out anywhere, in fact, I was being guarded by his son, who was not allowed to go to play, even after the lockdown was over.

I was asked to remove all my photos with my male colleagues, friends, and other relatives, my Facebook account was permanently deleted. My life was nevertheless like in jail.

I felt so suffocated, so irate and so painful that I had no one to share my tears with.

I tried to come out of this relation initially, but he emotionally blackmailed me, in fact, he tortured me by attempting suicide and all nuisance.

I still tried to keep this relationship, as I thought my love will change him one day.

He was an addict to drinks. He can’t sleep without it. But, I never know that after being drunk, he would have trust issues and he will physically harm me. Yes, I had not to dwell into the well, but this was a well of domestic violence.

I was financially, emotionally, physically, socially, religiously, and whatnot.

I kept quiet, thinking my love will have the power to heal him.

We made a mutual agreement, but none could change him.

The other thing I felt was him not trusting him and hence I had to ask him to send his son to my in-laws for a few days/months until I regained the trustor for me to feel that he trusts me and his son is not an eye-keeper. By being at home and not enjoying his childhood on the ground, there was some sort of glitch we both had developed with each other. No matter, if it was my own child, I would need some sort of my-time and some sort of husband-wife time, or my personal space, like going to market and salon, but I was not allowed. This suffocated a mother-son relationship.

He started to develop hatred for me and started to dislike me, Who would not?

Also when I tried changing his habits and was strict with him for his studies, my husband always supported him and he always thought that his father was there with him always and he doesn’t have to listen to anyone.

When we were about to divorce, he wanted me to give him another chance and hence I laid conditions, that he will allow me to take tuitions, teach in religious school and allow me to go for walk, market, and salon alone. Also, his son to be with my in-laws for some time.

He agreed to all of it, in fact, one of his voice recordings said, he is ready to stamp his son out.

But after few days, he started emotionally torturing me, said that we can’t be together if his child is not with us.

Hence, understanding his feelings, and to save our relation, I asked him to bring him back.

He was back home, but he was always misguided, never taught discipline by him.

If I try to teach him discipline and being strict, I was like Cinderella’s stepmother.

I tried expressing that my happiness matters the most to me, I want a life where you trust me as a life partner and as a mother, but if I am not happy, no matter how hard I try, I can’t make you happy.

Hence, we kept arguing and fighting for being strict with his son.

His son at the age of seven now is able to read, write English and Hindi, all my efforts. But I have never been given that credit. He is now a bit disciplined, but no credits.

His son used to get a fever every day, but after our marriage, he hardly fell sick. But, I was never appreciated.

Anyway, what I could do in that little time I did, I am not with them anymore, but I am sure what I taught to him will always be with him throughout his life. And someday he will realize what I did for them.

My husband had returned half of the money he had taken from him. The remaining I do not even want, but he has an ego, so I am sure he will return it.

After all this, I am sure, he would want me back in his life, but you guys tell me what I should do?