My Friend Samuel

The soft blades of grass gracefully touched Samuel’s coarse feet. His hands were covered in mud and grime, I could smell him from a mile away, but he didn’t seem to notice, or didn’t seem to care. For him, everything was a new experience, that aroused amazement and wonder within him.

I never understood how someone could feel this way. After all, the world out there can be coarse and unfeeling. I asked him this multiple times, but he simply shrugged and drew the conversation somewhere else.

At times, his odd behaviour irritated me to no end. I always found him to be irrational, his random actions unexplainable. And yet somehow, I always seemed to return. It was as if his mannerisms were irresistible to me, a showcase of everything I could not be, even if I tried. He reminded me of what one would be like if one never grew up.

Of course, it would seem to you right now that I’m complaining about him, but believe me, I’m not. I have no reason to. Samuel has always been a good friend and has always given me company whenever I needed it, and I have so many reasons to be thankful to have him beside me in this life, after all, he saved mine.

It was a dark, gloomy day. I’m joking, it wasn’t. It was an incredibly blue day, the sun seemed bigger than ever before as if exerting all of its energy to make the day brighter and hotter. Oftentimes, we receive unwanted news when we’re least expecting it, and that day, I received such inexplicable news. For a time, it left me crippled, unfeeling, and broken. I was unable to move on from this day for a long time.

 That was the day my wife, Samantha died.

However, I digress, I shall get back to the topic at hand. It had been two years since. I had very much not recovered. I had driven myself to the ground and alienated many whom I know cared for me. Throughout all of this, Samuel was one of the few that stuck around. I didn’t know why, and frankly, at the time, I didn’t care

We were at a bar once. The screeching noises emanated from the speakers placed directly behind us, but I took little notice. I had become a bit of a drunkard during those times, drowning my loneliness and misery in alcohol. I called for another drink, but Samuel refused to let me have it. He had had enough and spoke out.

“You need to stop punishing yourself for no apparent reason. I know, your wife died, everyone loses someone in their

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lives, but you have to move on!!!”, he screamed.

“Oh, what do you know about loss!!!”, I retorted back, in an effort to hurt him.

“You don’t know anything about me, do you? You never seemed to be bothered to ask. You probably thought, oh well he’s just good old Samuel, always cheerful, always happy, he’s never had anything tough happen to him in his life, eh? Well, guess what? I’ve suffered too. I’ve been in your place, not for this long, but I know what you feel, and you have to move on!”

“How? How could you possibly know, what I’m going through?”

Samuel took a pause, then spoke in a softened tone, his breath shaking.

“My parents died, when I was 14. The last time I spoke to them was an argument, over a video game. A trivial matter, but it escalated to the point that my dad stormed out of the room, and into his den. A few hours later, he had a stroke and never recovered. Mother couldn’t bear being without him, and died soon after. I was alone, and every day, I blame myself for everything. But at some point, a realization dawned upon me. Nothing I felt, none of the rage, or remorse, could change the past. The past is unavoidable, it is only there to be confronted, and to move on from. Because…because life is there to be lived, to be enjoyed. Every new day is a wonder, it should bring about excitement in your heart. No matter what the past, the possibilities of tomorrow still remain, as well as a chance at personal redemption, in my case.”

“But how? How do I move on, when I have already lost everything?”, I asked, as my own memories of my wife flooded into my mind, tears streaking down my face, “Samantha, was my anchor…without her, I can only be swept away endlessly, at the mercy of the currents.”

“By opening up to your friends, for one, as you just did now.”, Samuel said, placing his hands on my shoulder as I wept.

As I watch Samuel shamelessly immersing himself in the mud at present, calling me to join him, while I repeatedly refuse, I am made to wonder, how my life would have continued without his presence

And then I tell myself, there is no reason to wonder. I am here and now, what is to come, or what could have been being of no concern to me, what has gone has already passed. I shall forever be grateful to Samuel for reminding me of this truth. A truth that many of us know, but have at times, sadly forgotten.