Kashmir: Final'ly' Over

The Prime Minister was known for his shocking moves. He suddenly tweeted that he was going to address the nation at 9 PM the following day. The nation went breathless, the stock market got jittery and social media got buzzing with anticipation. What now? Everyone wondered.

The PM came on television at the dot. He said “Priya deshvasiyo, I have decided to end the Kashmir dispute once for all. Both Pakistan and India were spending immense resources in the name of fighting for our respective countries; with too many martyrs achieving Mukti; instead of progression we only see regression. So, here I am openly making an offer. Let the dispute be settled in an ahimsa way, by playing a series of cricket. Indeed, yes let Pakistan and India play three one-day match series in neutral territory. The winner gets to decide the fate of Kashmir. The loser should abide by the decision. Let peace be given a chance.

Jai Hind.”

The citizens could not believe what they had heard. The PM’s speech became the most followed on YouTube. The Pakistan PM, being an ex-cricketer himself and had won a world cup for Pakistan could not but take up the bait. He announced his agreement via national television.

The master blaster Sachin got appointed as the manager of the Indian team. The nation murmured a round of approval for this appointment. Sachin had a private meeting with the PM, following his appointment and when the newsperson asked him how was the meeting Sachin said: “India will win this series.”

The following day the cricket Board of the respective countries got into the discussion to finalize the modalities. The Indian PMO sent the following conditions: that the matches would be played by a hybrid team of ex-cricketers in the age group of 35 and 40; politicians of any age and one who is neither a politician nor a cricketer. It was understandable the mix of cricket and politics. That was how the game was always played. The last stipulation intrigued all and sundry. Critics went agog thinking that PM must have an ace up his sleeve. Even the cricketing brain of the Pakistan PM got stumped by the googly from his Indian counterpart. They all wondered if the master blaster Sachin had a hand in this or it was a cue from God.

Sachin and BCCI decided that Dhoni was the ideal choice to lead the Indian combo as he had not played international cricket and was in the right age grouping. BCCI announced that the neutral representative would be revealed only at the 11th hour. Sehwag, Gautam was selected to open the innings. It was an ideal left-right combination. Although some critics expressed reservation at the selection of Gautam. Lately, he has been playing anything but cricket. Then BCCI issued a clarification that Gautam represents politics. Zahir Khan and Bhajji made an automatic choice. Ghosh from Hoogly who could bowl any number of googlies got easy entrance into the team in the political category. Patan brothers also made it to the playing eleven, symbolic of national integration. 

Russia offered to host one of the matches. It was a great surprise, for Russian interest hardly ever went beyond Raj Kapoor movies. But the new found respect for the PM must have done it quipped a wag. Pakistan coaxed Beijing to make an offer like wise and the second match was to be held at Beijing. Third and finals were fittingly decided to be held at Lords, a travesty of justice considering it was the British Empire which was party to the split of India and Pakistan and willy-nilly did not resolve the Kashmir issue. Trump got busy with elections and could not make any offer to his best friend. He tweeted a regret.

At the last minute, it was revealed that Bajrang Bali (alias Maruti) would be making into the team in the open category. The nation got overjoyed for it was sheer genius to include the immortal and ageless wonder into the team. Nobody ever thought that Maruti by his sheer monkey tricks would check the flow of runs and held on to catches and saved the blushes for the Indian team.

India won the first match easily and the Pakistan manager alleged match-fixing. When Pakistan won the second match in Beijing India like-wise alleged match-fixing. Now it was the turn of the finals to be played at the Lords which saw full capacity. It was noteworthy that Nobel Team had sent a delegation to witness the match. Sachin took part in the match practice with the team and was seen confabulating with Maruti especially.

India sent Pakistan to bat first. Maruti displayed his amazing fielding skills. He fielded in the slips in the first 10-12 overs when India used pacers. Then he was posted in the outfield when the spinners came on to bowl. The score read that in the dismissal of all of the batsmen Maruti had had a hand by way of catching or run out, not to leave out the boundaries saved by his leaping and jumping. Each of his catches made into the record books for sheer audacity. Zahir and Bhajji were the picks among the bowlers and Dhoni marshaled his captaincy skills very well. Pakistan was all out for a modest score of 212 in fifty overs. Everyone thought it was a cakewalk for Indians for the pitch was full of runs.

It was the turn of India and Gautam was the first to get out. He seemed very rusty. Sehwag was all blazing. But the middle order collapsed and after twenty-five overs, the Indian scorecard read as 90 for five. That was when Dhoni walked in and played a captain’s innings.

It was left to the Pathan brothers to do the last-minute cameo as with three overs India had to score 55 runs, seemingly an impossible task. It came down to the last over with fifteen runs to go. It was the bullet train Akhtar thundering his way with the last six balls or so. The match reached a nail-biting finish with the last ball to be bowled with six runs required. Akhtar was famous for his deceptive yorker and the Pakistani captain was seen whispering into his ears. It looked like a yorker but the ball was bowled at shoulder height. The umpire screamed “No-Ball.” The elder Pathan didn’t care and slammed the ball towards the boundary. One more ball to be bowled and one more run required. Aktar decided to bowl a slower one. It seemed that Pathan could read his mind and he stepped out of the crease and made the ball into a long hop and slammed the ball over the stadium. The ball could never be found.

India had won the match and the man of the match, Maruti. In the post-match conference, the master blaster Sachin admitted that Maruti’s sheer presence inspired the team and it was a master stroke on the part of the PM to have suggested an open entry and selected Maruti for the place. He knew that India will win the series when he had the one to one meeting with the PM of India. But Sachin’s fans claimed that it was Sachin’s idea to include the Maruti in the open category.

Ram Rajya has well started in India.

PS: the Nobel Committee announced that the peace prize would go jointly to the PMs of both India and Pakistan. Of course, the bhakts felt cheated as they claimed that it was indeed a noble idea that came from the Indian PM and Pakistan PM merely accepted it.