Just Like That No Denying That
Just Like That No Denying That7 mins 895 7 mins 895
He is feeling terribly heavy on his head and heart. His head and heart were tossing between the two one for whom he feels responsible to love and care for and the other one who made him feel loved and cared for. She makes him happy...damn happy amazingly with no concrete reason to mention.
For the one he is her love, laughter and life, and he can't bear the tears in her eyes and for her one tear he could shed his thousand tears, however, the other one is neither his love-interest nor an acquaintance turning into a close friend, but she is special to him for they together share other worldly association. The time they started talking to each other, they experienced that inclination which places them into the stream of life.
For one holds that privileged position of entering into his life and deserves to know every inch of him be it mentally, emotionally or physically and he owes to tell her otherwise it would be the matter of trust, transparency, and secrecy which might apparently lead to heartbreak, pain or suspicion. The other one stay centered on his solace, no matter how she paves the way of that solace towards him. His benevolence has always allured her, and she finds extremely difficult to ignore the empathetic connection between them, though they never shared anything fascinating it was just lots of grins, characteristic discussions, comical inclinations, same interests, lively and guiltless touching.
This time for the one that is his spouse now, he has to bid a goodbye by announcing it officially to the other one, though he has already said bye for now way back to her after his committed relationship to the one. Since then, he always had a buddy talk which was mostly about his friends, bike, cricket, travelling and some other professional stuff.
This feeling of taking an onus to cause pain to one and lose the other one which has become inevitable and unavoidable has pushed himself in a kind of void where he feels lifeless, numb, upset. He thinks how much he can sincerely convince himself, so his sensitive heart and head become less heavy. Often he accused himself as a wretch for pain caused to one and the other one. This self victimization's had drowned him in so much pain that his tender heart and tolerant soul find it difficult to keep up that balance. When he was alone, he would wake up at night terrified by the idea of an emptiness. He feels nothing; he doesn't want to get up and look, he doesn't want to communicate with people around him. Everything seems to be too much work. He laid in bed completely frozen, thinking critically I don't want to feel unhappy, I don't want to disappoint her, I just want this feeling to go away.
The one is aware of all that he is going through but she chooses to give him the similar degree of agony through which she has gone through apparently and he finds no way to hold that courage to get out of this agony. All the time it is not necessary to make someone realizes of his actions, which might be wrong with your own perception, but the term privacy does exist in each one's life, sometimes this personal space is respected and other times it is collapsed in the name of trust, transparency and secrets. Everybody on this planet has radically an emotional or an erotic space of their own, their own imagination, their own fantasies, their own memories, their own longings, their own associations an ulterior life of their own which has to be respected by others and themselves too.
He himself is the pillar of strength, a ray of hope and shower of inspiration to the people around him but, he has let the pain to take control over him, he could not stop himself from self-victimizing. The other one opened a window to lend her hands to support him and come over from this grief and pain. He spoke about his guilt which was aroused not by his actions but by the perception of his better half, from that window conversation began in heavy voice, sad tones, tears and sobs eventually just like life is unpredictable it turned out to be a string which started wrapping all the depressive thoughts. This led them to have better insight of what they shared, it cannot be completely eradicated from their life, it is going to stay there dormant state forever. The other-worldly connections are mutual, so there is no point in forcing making them happen or to forcibly undo them.
When it was time to say good-bye, she said,"Speak! What you're merely feeling! Speak as if nobody's listening! and after a long pause he started saying," I am the source of disappointment to my wife, she feels her trust is shattered because I was talking and texting to you, I have seen helplessness in her eyes, she has no choice but to be with me is the only option she has left with, though I am thankful to her she has forgiven me and has given a second chance, she still loves me. I really feel heavy to say that we cannot be in touch and this feeling of dissociation from you hurts me. I really had a good time, I got care and attention from you that I could not acknowledge, though I wanted to, I feel sorry for you, I genuinely tried to be hideous about you to her because I felt I might loose you and could not dare to tell her about you because she might not accept it."she comforted him by listening to him patiently.
She knows sometimes while exploring your inner self simple things turn out to be labyrinthine one, but she would never lie and said, "Overpowering tough emotions are a part of our contract with life, just like our normal natural emotions so please stop thinking this way!!What have you done bad? A few text messages expressing your personal feelings at that point of time. I really enjoyed and found it funny when we talked and texted about our imaginary visit to Goa, an imaginary bike ride and an imaginary kiss, sometimes an imaginary hug to just inhale that feel of cuddling up, but anyone who will read it without judging can conclude it was an imaginary stuff however if not exactly then roughly our conversations were about our families, official things, our interests in music and hobbies and that remaining two to three percent was what others may find inappropriate though it was imaginary.Just do not allow neither anybody nor yourself to make you think that you are that bad. It's okay, but you guys need to understand this by the age of 38-40 years we come across with so many people and sometimes we do feel connected and behave naturally and truly friendly instead of judging each other.There will always be a window through which breeze borne of trust and care will flow to reach you and no one knows someday this direction of the breeze might change and it comes back to..... ?....Let it be!"
Tears were replaced by hope...hope for each other to stay happy and stay blessed... lips were stretched to make them smile. Their last conversation happened to be in a well-known language by every single soul on this earth from a newly born baby to an experienced wrinkled one.
Yes! A Compassionate Hug!! A powerful tool for non-verbal communication.
This conveyed fondness, security, closeness, warmth, concern, encouragement and an increased sense of trust and well-being. Being a female, she's good at hiding her feelings, feeling terribly hurt for losing a person like him with whom she had made bridges of hope in the sea of despair, sometimes for him and sometimes for herself.
For what seems to happen spontaneously, she solemnly believed his presence and her touch may start an atmosphere that is healing, grounded and sane, where he could finally realize that he no longer had to carry the expectations of all the people in this world. As, we navigate all the pretense that surrounds us we are sometimes lucky to stumble on a moment that is perfect. An anxious minute where life is just right and magic exists. For us, it's that rare feeling of believing in ourselves. She never believed in the concept of Midas Touch, though she believes...
Not everyone can touch your soul without your explicit consent and free will.
She loved him and he loves her but his connections with the other one are of liking each other. Mere presence in each other's thought inevitably evokes positivism, happiness and smiles because they like each other.
Obviously because love demands time, excessive attention and commitment and like is free.
It's better to like than to merely love, it's just an odd fact and there is no denying that...
Just like that!
I like uh...huh...uh...huh!