If Only

Why do I always dream about her? Why do my dreams never seem like dreams but her story? I always thought of her to be my imagination until.. I saw her, in the cafe, sipping on her hot chocolate and lost in her own world of thoughts. I was bewildered. She actually existed?

I followed her to find answers to some questions which were pondering in my mind since I saw her for the first time in my vision. I was astounded. It looked exactly like a scenario with my mind being the director and her being the protagonist of my imaginary play. The situations she underwent- meeting a dog on the road, almost being hit by a car, plucking a lily from a nearby park and gifting it to a little girl- everything. I dreamed the night before. It was like a deja vu.

I used to dream about her future

I found it quite thrilling. I was very excited to solve this enigma and find the answer to the question 'why?' It was not difficult for me to find out her address and to make out her next move. It was very fascinating, watching her doing exactly the same things my mind had planned the night before. Gradually, my dreams became more precise and now, instead of just seeing the keywords. I was able to see the whole thing like a movie. And oh- how I wish I couldn't!

"Please try to understand! Don't go back! It's dangerous!" I literally begged her to stay.

"Excuse me?" She gave me a confused look.

"Your father! He will come to your house! Your life is in danger." I spilled out everything that was in my mind without caring to form a proper sentence.

At first, she gave me a look and then laughed as if she was trying to mock me. "Good attempt, Sir. But sorry, my father left me 5 years ago and hasn't shown his face since then. I doubt if he is even alive. Better luck next time." She smirked and left.

"Wha-" Is she thinking that I'm her secret admirer and just want to grab her attention!? Before I could clarify myself.. she was already gone.

A part of me was continuously questioning my actions and was asking me to leave her on her fate.. but the other part was forcing me to go after her and save her.

Maybe what I dreamed was just my hallucination.. and it will never happen in real..?

Till now I was certain about one thing that whatever I dreamed was not just a mere dream.. but it actually happened with her.. and by calling it my 'hallucination', I was just trying to run away from reality...

That night, my conscience overpowered my mind and I visited her place. I stood outside her house and looked in the living room, through the window. There, just like I dreamed, she and her father were having a conversation- rather say a disputation. The empty beer bottle was in her father's right hand like I expected. Without wasting a second I called the police and briefed the situation. They asked me to wait for 10 minutes but honestly, we didn't even have 2 minutes. The father bashed the beer bottle against the table, causing it to shatter into pieces. With the broken half of the bottle, he dawdled towards her.

"Anytime," I mumbled and without giving it a second thought, I barged inside the house. The door was unlocked, luckily. I ran into the living room as fast as I could but unfortunately, I was late. He had already stabbed that broken half of the bottle into her stomach. I was shocked would be an understatement. I was devastated but still recovered soon enough to realize that she needed medical care ASAP. I rushed towards her struggling body but was stopped midway by her enraged father.

"Let her." He mumbled with a wicked smile plastered on his face.

"But she will DIE!" I shouted. He didn't reply but gave me a look instead. It was more than enough for me to realize that stabbing her was not a mistake or an impulsive action but it was deliberate. He planned to kill her. I started struggling in his grip, trying to let myself free.

"Leave me!" I screamed and struggled in his grip. Second by second, she was losing her breath and second by second, I was losing my patience. Seeing the blood ooze out of her body made me impatient, and without comprehending my actions, I picked up the broken piece of glass from the floor and stabbed him.. again..and again.

When his body finally fell down in the pool of his own blood, I ran to her dying body and sat beside her. I checked her pulse and breath only to find them ceased. I heaved an exasperated sigh and sat beside her dead body, staring at her closed eyes when I heard the police's siren. And then the reality struck me hard like a truck.

I KILLED SOMEONE

Police barged inside, searching for anything suspicious, when they found me, sitting beside two dead bodies with a hand covered in blood and a broken glass piece- supposedly murder weapon- in my hand. I was imprisoned for the murder of both of them. And honestly, I didn't resist. I accepted my crime and fate altogether. Though, I killed just one person. but I still killed someone.

If only I had not known her, If only I had not dreamt about her, If only I had not been curious, If only I had not fallen for her. 

I would not have ended up in prison.