I Could Have Been Better

This is my story. I am not feeling happy or proud to write it. But I have no choice. I am writing this story while serving a jail term and in fact, I am writing this while sitting in my cell in the city correctional home or jail as said in common parlance. Being categorized as dangerous, I am kept in solitary confinement. 

I do not want to give my name as other people with this name would feel it as a taboo carrying the same name. This story must be told as I feel that people would know what emotions human minds can put up with. Everyone has a dark side and a good side but the better or good side has the power and good sense to overcome this evil side. This is the role of conscience. But in my case, the wicked side overpowered the benevolent part and I became the criminal I am now. 

I am serving a life term for the brutal murder of my aged parents and the sinister murder of my wife and embezzlement of funds and cheating. I was fortunate to escape the hangman's noose but the official prosecutor had told the judge that people like me are a grave danger to the society and the earlier we are eliminated, the society would breathe easier. Still, I can be hanged as my complainants being not satisfied with the high court judgment to have gone to the Supreme Court to get justice. They want capital punishment for me. I am nonchalant and indifferent because I am made that way. Please do not try to compare me with my parents because they were divine. 

I know, dear reader, you are feeling a certain abhorrence creep over you against me. But, now after all this, when I sit and think, I feel, I could have been better. But still, I do not suffer from any remorse. I do not care if you loathe me. 

I had seen much better days. Life had been kind to me. I had got a set of wonderful loving parents who really adored me. In fact, they indulged in me. I being their only son they spoilt me. My father had a good income as a government official. He retired with a good chunk of money and a fat pension. My mother used to cook the most delicious food I knew. Anything I wanted I just had to spell out and it would be in my hands in no time. 

I finished my college in due course with not too good numbers. Then I went for my MBA at a huge cost from an average college. I spent a lot of my father's retirement money on this. I could not get a placement worth the name with my average marks. But I was getting ambitious by the day without the effort to back up my passion. 

I fell into bad ways. I loved the feel of money. My lifestyle needed that I must earn a lot. Playing poker and rummy became my passion. I used to win money sometime but mostly I lost. I used to play Satta, the local game for gamblers, and sometimes won handsomely. But I didn't have a steady job and a supporting income. I used to squeeze out the pension money from my father. Slowly, his source of wealth dried up. Liabilities started to rise by way of EMIs. But they were so good that they silently endeared my wild ways. 

Then when I had impoverished my parents and no further money could be squeezed from them, I began to target the house. My father had built the house with a lot of pain and passion. In the real estate market, it commanded a handsome price. I had to sell it and there was no other way. I had to sell the house and get the money and my parents were the obstacles. My parents would not allow me to sell it. So I started thinking of wicked ways. 

I had to get rid of my parents. But how do I get rid of them? I tried to hire contract killers. But they were charging too much money. Then I decided to do it myself. I went through the Internet and read all sorts of macabre murder stories. Two days of planning and on one night I killed them and then buried them in our backyard. I was like a man possessed. I felt no mercy and softness for them. Some demon was maneuvering me with remote control. I had buried my conscience deep under my wicked ways and means. No remorse and no tears. I was lucky. The law did not suspect me. For many years my crime was undetected.

With the money I got by selling the house I was thinking of going to Europe and splurge. Switzerland, Austria, and North Italy were on my mind. But I wanted a company. Through social media, I had made friends with a young lady. She believed in my nonsense talks. She like my aplomb and confidence. She was ready to do anything for me because I was controlling her mind. I told her that I shall marry her and take her abroad where I stay and get her a decent paying job. She believed me and fell in my trap. She arranged our transit money for the trip from her parents.

Then we went to Europe on a whirlwind tour of almost a month. It was our 'honeymoon'. We enjoyed our stay together. No questions asked. She believed me like her husband. We had a good time in Switzerland. We saw Grindelwald, Interlaken, and Geneva. In Austria, we saw Vienna and Swarovsky crystals and saw Mozart's birthplace. In Italy, we enjoyed Lake Como and stayed in Tuscany.

We returned and I was in for a shock. My friend said she felt she was pregnant. Tests confirmed that. I was in a dilemma. Every day this girl would pester me to marry her, which I wouldn't do. 

Then, finally, I decided to get rid of her. I had now gained experience. We were living in a rented apartment. The rent was being paid by her dad. She had convinced her parents that she was preparing for her scholarship exams for a foreign university and she had a mentor who was guiding her.

Then one night I strangled her. To dispose of her body I carried her to the edge of the town in my car booty. But my landlord got the wind and went to the Police and filed a complaint. I could not get away now and was arrested. I owned up to the crime and even opened up on the murder of my parents a few years ago. Since then I am under Police lock-up. I didn't have any money to appoint a lawyer and neither did I apply for bail. I knew that the legal process is slow and it would years for the law to convict me.

But surprisingly my criminal case did not take too long. Within two years I was convicted and now I am serving life term till the Supreme Court thinks that I should be hanged. My partner's parents weren't happy with the judgment and have applied to the Supreme Court.

At the end of it all, I feel that I could have been better.