How weird is College Life?

Dear audience,

I would love to know how your college life went. As a student in India, my college life is full of everything, which would be a nice way to describe my ongoing life situation.

The college is good, friends are nice. You realize how good or how much people can fall to achieve what they want.

The reason for me starting this written documentation would be to keep a note of what I did in this life in college and life beyond.

So I am starting this new year with this piece of writing.

I am a 20-year-old, single, cute girl (emphasis on "cute" please). I had quite some failed-situation-ships, even some 3 relationships to date, which I will relay in days to come.

I am sure that there is something wrong with me. I have a completely different overview of relationships than most other people, which I'll be talking about for you to judge for yourself.

Recently, I had a breakup, the reason quite unknown to me as well though I initiated the breakup, the only thing that would come to my mind as the possible "reason" would be that I realized that I could get somebody better looking, me being a good looking specimen. Though the guy was a very considerate and affectionate fella, I lost interest in him and declared him "ugly" to my friends one fateful night. And again to my defense, he was a very bad kisser. According to my friends, I "loved" the guy, I would laugh around him and dress myself up pretty-ly and go around talking of his greatness, but I don't know if that was the real me or me trying for him to love me more. It's something like this when I achieve something, I lose interest in that. I don't know why my relationships feel like a checkbox that I "have to" cross out, and he was one of that.

I wanted to ask if something like this has ever happened to anyone of you and did you doubt yourself that you might be a creature who can not love, coz I am at this point where I don't know if I am even capable of loving someone.