Even in Ghost ....

 The Peace They Never Saw       
                  Unlike other days, last night there was heavy rain. Around my room and roof everything became wet and muddy. Walking was difficult. Inside my blanket it felt warm and peaceful, and I thought of sleeping a little plop longer. But again that familiar loud voice came from outside my room. “Shankara sir, come fast! We are going walking!” So we all got ready and started walking together through the cold morning. The air smelled of wet mud, rain, fog, and leaves. Water drops still rested on the roof and tree branches. Everywhere looked fresh and alive. While walking, one frog suddenly slipped and fell into the mud. I shouted loudly, “Take care! The road is very muddy!” He looked at me and laughed. I laughed too. Sometimes life gives us moments like that. We laugh because some truths are never really in our hands, whether in life or after life. We kept walking, talking, and joking, but inside me there was only memory. Everyone carries memories silently. People hide them inside themselves like a game of hide and seek. Outside they smile, run, work, and enjoy life, but deep inside they hold old feelings, old pains, old love, and unfinished thoughts. Others were enjoying life normally, but my memories were different. Maybe foolish memories. I used to think about how beautiful it would be to walk together forever, to stay together always. Deep inside I knew those thoughts had no place in reality. Maybe life would never allow it. Maybe society would never allow it. Still, the beauty of those memories made me forget everything — who I was, what life was, what marriage was, even what death meant. After seeing her face, I built another world inside myself. For me, she became a beautiful, unforgettable, divine memory. Days passed like that — walking, talking, laughing. Then one day, she was gone. Here and there I heard people saying she had vacated the place and returned to her hometown along with her own shadow. A shadow can never leave its person, and a person can never leave their shadow. She belonged to her shadow, and her shadow belonged to her. But my world was different. Inside me, memories overflowed endlessly. Outside me, every tree, every road, every cold morning still carried her presence. I knew those memories would never leave me, even though she had already gone far away. The next morning everything looked normal again. Birds were singing. Green and dry leaves were falling softly from the trees. Sunlight slowly entered the sky. People were still running, running, and running behind life and the world outside. But at the same time, inside also, another life was moving. People in white moved here and there like restless shadows, jumping from tree to tree, from plant to plant, playing their own hide-and-seek games. Some were shouting at their ghostly children. Some were arguing with each other. Somewhere, a husband shouted at his wife. Somewhere else, a wife complained about another woman beyond a broken wall. Even there, the same emotions continued — anger, love, jealousy, memories, attachment, ego, and loneliness. Only the forms were different. The place was different. The race was different. The bodies were no longer physical. Everything existed between visible and invisible, spiritual and silent. A world where invisible things slowly became visible, and visible things disappeared again into silence. But even there, peace no longer felt complete. Nowadays pollution exists everywhere. Bad weather spreads everywhere. Population grows rapidly not only in life, but even beyond life. That old softness, positivity, calmness, and deep peace are slowly disappearing from every world. We know very well that whether we live in this world or somewhere after life, our actions affect everything — air, water, land, fire, nature, living beings, burial grounds, spiritual spaces, and even the silent universe itself. One of my friends asked me, “Why are you not coming anymore? There are so many memories here. We all enjoyed together. Life is like this only. We should not hold memories too tightly. We should stay within our limits and within what life allows. Don’t think too much about staying together forever. Just live peacefully.” I stayed silent. Then he slowly told me another painful truth. “Did you ever think why she said ‘I love you’ to you? Not because you were handsome, special, talented, or someone she deeply loved. It was her kindness, her sympathy, and her soft heart. Maybe she simply felt pity for your loneliness.” Hearing those words, I suddenly stopped crying. Quietly, I went back to my room and locked myself inside, as if I wanted to sleep forever. But morning still arrived. Bright sunlight touched the wet ground. Birds danced on the branches. Green and dry leaves continued falling softly in the wind. Life outside moved on as usual. People were still running behind dreams, money, responsibilities, and survival. But behind my room, the ground still looked deeply wet. Not because of last night’s rain. Because all night, I had been crying with her memories.