Dear World...

I was in my graduation, third year, abiding by the rules my family had set for me, studying hard so that I could crack a job, trying to prove the world that going from Lucknow to Rajasthan for studying was not a wrong decision and I am good enough to achieve what I want. Little did I know that my perspectives are going to change soon. A regular day, after completing classes and extracurricular activities, I came back to my hostel, had dinner and came to the terrace to find some rest and peace. I hardly knew, my peace was about to vanish, not for today but for many days.

While I was walking and checking my messages, I heard a girl shouting, that someone from the adjacent hostel has committed suicide. I couldn’t believe it. We all were shocked, frightened tensed, worried all at the same time. None of us knew what was going on and what had happened. Since, it was already 8 past 30, we were not allowed to move out of our hostels, we could only see the activities from our terrace. After some time, someone from our hostel, who had some friends in the adjacent hostel, called a girl and we got to know that a girl from graduation final year has committed suicide. Nobody knew the reason, but all girls of that hostel were strictly asked to stay inside their rooms. So no one knew is she was still alive, being taken to hospital or exactly what was going on.

While we were trying to figure out what was going on, we saw her draped in white, on a stretcher coming outside. Unfortunately, I was on the terrace corner and saw everything. It felt as if I have no senses left, as if I am deaf and dumb, as if I cannot walk, even when I did not want to see it I could not close my eyes, I drew blank.

Someone said, they must be taking her campus hospital. The van started, somebody pulled me from my arms and shouted to leave. Apparently, our warden was shouting from last 10 minutes, but I heard nothing. She held my hand and along with a few other girls dragged us to our floor and asked to go to our rooms. While she was bringing me to staircase, I saw some foolish girls clicking photos of what had just happened, apparently that was the reason of the warden’s anger, which was justified to me as well.

I came to my room and narrated everything to my friends. Nothing could stop me visualizing everything whenever I closed my eyes, constantly thinking of what would have happened to the her. It was a topic of discussion everywhere. No one from the administration, college, teachers considered it important to explain what had happened. I believe, most of them would not even know themselves.

Hardly, one or two days had passed, and we had started listening different stories about her. Some said she used to stole jewellery of other girls and she was caught, and warden had complained about this to her parents. Some said she was mentally disturbed and had failed in many subjects in past two semesters. Some said, she got a campus placement, but her parents were not allowing her to pursue the job and were getting her forcefully married. There were all kinds of stories that you could imagine. Some even said that she had affair with one of the shopkeepers in the college- campus market and was caught. While no one knew, what the truth was, everyone as cooking their own flavour of stories.

I can never imagine, what would have led a young girl, in her final year, with a job in-hand, to take such a step. Why did she choose to run away from this world, where nothing could chase her and tease her? What would she be thinking before she decided to do it ? Why didn’t she give herself one more chance ? What if she already had given herself so many chances and nothing had turned better ? Why did she think that she cannot battle all this ? What would have been the reason that she was not able to see even one ray of light beyond the battles going in her head ? Why didn’t she choose to survive and fight ? What if, she would have …

In all these thoughts, one thing that I learnt is, when you decide to quit, you do nothing good for yourself, after you are gone, people only spread such things for you, they never care to find out the truth, and you, you just gave your life running away from these people and their world. You could have chosen to fight them, to live, for yourself, to prove yourself right, to be happy, to have peace, to do what you wanted and not care about them, Because, they absolutely don’t care, even when you were alive, even when you are dead.

Live for yourself, for the ones you care about, don’t worry about the world, it will always have something ill to say. Find your way, your happiness and your peace. You can make others happy when you are so.

I may not be a fit,

Not be a creature good enough to live in you,

Breathe within your created boundaries,

Abide by your set rules,

Speak your defined words,

But I will survive !

You may have cursed me, heard ill of me

I only tried to be happy.

I only searched for my peace.

Yes, I may need your support, your devotees, your power,

But, not at the cost of my happiness.

I will not give thee the strength-

To decide the wrong and right for me,

To instruct how should I feel,

To make me feel inferior,

To teach me to sacrifice, suffocate and succumb.

I may not be a fit,

But I will survive !!!