#ColourYourWords: Happiness and Gloominess associated with the color White

DISCLAIMER

This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this Story are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and unintentional.

 

 "White!" exclaimed Jessica, in happiness.

"White!" exclaimed Shanti Devi, in the gloom.

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Both were handling White-colored material, feeling it, caressing it.

Shanti Devi, 52 years old, was caressing it, with that old feeling of dread and doom.

Jessica, 27 years old, was caressing it, with that happy feeling of love and romance.

Shanti Devi and Jessica, both lived on opposite sides of the Globe.

On the opposite sides of the World.

And were totally unknown to each other.

Though they did have a common link and were destined to meet, but were still blissfully unaware of it.

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Both were handling white-coloured material, feeling it, caressing it.

On the same day of the year.

Shanti Devi was in Rae Bareilly.

Jessica was in Los Angeles.

Jessica looked at the catalogue to choose the perfect white with happiness and felt as 'pure and peaceful as the colour itself'.

Shanti Devi looked at the white saree with dread and felt the 'burden of the colour itself'.

Both were feeling and experiencing opposite emotions to the same colour 'White'.

For both were on the opposite sides of the Globe, where 'White' meant opposite things!!

Shanti Devi just hated White and how that colour had dominated her entire life.

'White' was the one colour that defined her life, her emptiness, her forced simplicity, her unfulfilled desires, her pent up emotions and sexuality, her no-makeup and no accessories look, her unwilling adherence to customs, and her bowing down to the oppressive pressures of a male-dominated society. Moreover, it represented a 'lifetime of loneliness' on which she had walked for thirty-odd years. It was the cursed path………….the dreaded path…………..the unwanted path…………..the meaningless path and the path of 'Widowhood'.

Shanti Devi had been a widow for the past thirty years, from the very young age of 22. She had been married off at the age of 20, had her son Kunal at the age of 21, and had been widowed at the age of 22. So, in other words, her life had stopped before it had even started!

Though she did not recall having any special fondness for her husband or her husband doing anything special for her in their very short marriage, she had to bear the brunt of being a widow from the age of 22, and becoming 'someone who is never to be loved as a woman' and 'someone who can never love any man as a woman'.

For that is what her life now signified and the colour 'White' proclaimed that status of hers, loudly and clearly, for the colour 'White' in Rae Bareilly was visible, even from a mile. And it was shunned and avoided. Along with the lady wearing White too. Which was Shanti Devi.

In her small town, 'Widowhood' meant the end of the road, the end of life, and even the end of hope! Widows are those who are condemned to die, every minute that they live. Not for a moment are they allowed to forget the fact that they are widowed and even if they do forget it or want to forget it, society left no stone unturned to remind them of their cursed status and make them behave like a widow, which meant looking sad and gloomy, never laughing or smiling, never enjoying life, never pampering oneself with makeup or colourful sarees and always wearing that dreadful, colourless 'White-colored saree only, which represented simplicity and purity. Widowhood in India took out all the colours in a woman's life! More importantly, it was an irreversible process. For once a widow, always a widow!

There was no escape, no exit points, and no saving angels for the White Widows!

Naturally, all women dreaded this state in which some women were destined to live. So the most important blessing for married women in India had become 'May you always remain married!' After her husband's death, Shanti Devi had been segregated from the company of married women who were decked up in colourful sarees and bangles and she was made to wear white and only white and of course, no makeup, no accessories. Nothing that could add to the beauty of the woman. While the married women in colourful sarees and bangles kept on looking at her with pity, coupled with a sense of relief for themselves that they were not on the 'other side of the marriage' that is Widowhood! Shanti Devi was doomed to wear a 'White saree' which was not only White but made up of very average material and coarse texture. As if the coarse texture signified the life that she was now supposed to lead- a coarse life, without any softness, comfort, and luxury.

That is why she hated the colour 'White' so much because it signified an end to her happiness, her dependency on others for survival, and her rough and tough and solitary life. She also had the constant fear of being shunned by the colourfully-decked married woman, those women who constantly complained about their husbands all day and night but were allowed into various religious functions and weddings and were allowed to laugh and enjoy lying only because their husband (whom they hated the most in the world) was still alive! Which had nothing to do with them, for they had in no way ensured that their husband live a long life, apart from the yearly 'Karva Chauth' fast, which they religiously followed.

But the very fact that their husband was alive meant that they had access to innumerable facilities and possibilities like clothes and comfort, and respect. And access to colours, every colour under the Sun! That was precisely the reason why they also wanted their husband to outlive them, not out of love for the husband but because of the security (both social and economic) that is provided. So being married had not much to do with the actual person, the husband, but more to do with the fringes and benefits that came along with his being merely alive, no matter how cruel or distant or alcoholic or wastrel, he was. His being alive was all that mattered the most to these women.

'White' colour signified that difference and that distinction, between the married and the widowed, between the one who could enjoy life and colours and the one who had no right to enjoy life or colours! Naturally, Shanti Devi hated the colour 'White' the most in her life!

She was supposed to grieve her entire life for a man she hardly knew, had no memories of, just a black and white wedding photo of them as a serious, unsmiling couple. So the colour 'White' signified a boundary, a limitation, an identity that she just could not cross. It was a closed life with closed emotions, which no one could enter into. So she could not step out of her 'white world' and all that it signified. Similarly, no one could enter the 'white world' that she inhabited. It was her prison, her Laxman Rekha, her limits, her boundaries. Which she could not cross and which no one could enter into! Though she had boundaries and walls and limits around her, she had no anchor in her life! Something which even Ships have. Shanti Devi was just expected to sail through life alone just drifting in the unknown vast oceans of life and that too without an urge or excitement to reach anywhere. For she had no goals, no destinations, or rather was not allowed to have any.

"Why should I be unhappy throughout my life, for the loss of a person I hardly knew or loved?" Shanti had asked her mother the day her mother had chided her for laughing out loudly, in her white widowed saree. Her mother, who obviously did not know the answer to this very basic question, had slapped Shanti hard across the face and had started crying even before Shanti did. For Shanti's widowhood had cast an unimaginable burden on her parents, who already weighed down emotionally and economically by their daughter's wedding were now weighed down even socially by their daughter's White widowhood! 

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Jessica was trying out her fourth Wedding outfit of the day.

A White gown. 

When she put on that dress, she felt as if it was made especially for her for it fitted her so perfectly, that she almost cried. It was a traditional White Wedding dress with a figure-hugging shape and a mermaid tail that flowed effortlessly, had a slit on the right side, a sweetheart neckline, a delicate meshed veil and was decorated with white pearls and white beads and white lace and white satin.

'White is the colour of purity and love.

'White is the colour of simplicity and elegance.

'White is the colour of a blushing bride and fairy tale wedding.

'White is the colour of the start of new beginnings and a romantic journey.

Jessica felt that the 'White' gown that she had just downed, contained all of this and more. It was certainly both magic and mystic! She swept a hand over the elegant, flowing gown, lovingly. Caressing it. Loving it. Feeling extremely happy and lucky in it.

She loved the colour 'White' all the more…………for it represented the dreams that were going to be fulfilled in the future, it represented hope and love and companionship and romance and much more. She could feel the smoothness and the softness of the texture of the gown, which was made of the best and the softest material available. Everything just seemed to be perfect in the White gown! Life just seemed to be a dream in this White gown!

'White' signified a wonderful start, a purity of soul, a life of hope and loving companionship, with the man of her love, Kunal. Naturally, Jessica and her mom Elie 52 years old, just loved the colour 'White'.

When Jessica pulled the White veil on her face and wore that traditional white satin gloves, the sight of her baby daughter in the all 'White ensemble', paired with the White designer high heels, where she looked like a demure Queen, confident, happy and content in White, was enough to tear up Elie.

Besides, Elie had always loved the colour 'White' and Jessica had always felt that she looked her prettiest in White!

Kunal, the groom to be, could also be seen watching, amazed by the dazzling White beauty of his 'bride-to-be'. And felt himself falling in love with her again. Over and over again. Kunal knew that feeling! That feeling when he had first set eyes on Jessica and had felt a strange connection, attraction, proximity to her, though he was seeing her for the very first time in life, he felt as if he had known her all his life! Strangely, he felt a soul connection, which he did not even believe ever existed! Kunal also never believed in 'Love at first sight!', until he actually experienced it! So when their paths crossed and eyes met, Jessica and Kunal, felt themselves being pulled towards each other by invisible strings of destiny or fate, something which they had never felt before. Both realized that it could be nothing other than Love.

Since just one experience was not enough, Kunal would have given anything in the World to have this experience, this thrill of falling in love, over and over again. And that is exactly what he felt right now the moment he saw Jessica in that fluid White wedding gown. He felt that he was falling in love with Jessica, over and over again. He could once again feel the attraction of souls, the pull of destiny, the surge of emotions, and the outburst of love.

Jessica and Kunal were going to get married, the next fortnight…….

Slowly, but surely, things were panning out as dreamed by Elie the 'mother-of-the-bride', who had always dreamt of a 'White Wedding in White Christmas' for her only daughter, Jessica. Because, Elie knew that 'White Wedding in White Christmas' was an auspicious wedding since Elie also had had a 'White Wedding in White Christmas' herself, around 29 years ago and life had turned out to be just swell and lovely for Elie!! Which made her think that for sure, the 'White Wedding in White Christmas' was most certainly, an auspicious wedding. Obviously, she wanted the same for her only daughter Jessica. Elie had been married, in a typical 'White Wedding in White Christmas', to John, her childhood sweetheart and within a year of their marriage, she had given birth to Jessica. Jessica was only two when her father John had died and Elie had been heartbroken and devastated. But only for a while!

Elie found comfort and love, once more, in her next-door neighbour Harry, a rock of a fellow with a kind heart. Harry moved in with Elie and Jessica since Elie wanted to have a real trial before the actual marriage. The trial went off as per Elie's expectations or even better, for Harry had turned out to be a very caring and supporting fella."What more could one expect from life?' Elie had said to herself and married Harry that same year that she had been widowed, in a typical 'White Wedding in White Christmas'.

Because, it was the result of the 'White Wedding in White Christmas' to John, that Jessica had been born so her first marriage to John had turned out to be very lucky for Elie since for Elie, that marriage had yielded the love of John, the birth of Jessica and eventually even her second marriage to Harry.

Of course, Elie had never forgotten John, her first husband, and continued to cherish loving and romantic memories of both of them, memories which were fresh and green in her mind and which hung with love in the form of photos in their Drawing Room. Looking at the photos of her past, her past love, her past marriage, Elie could only be thankful to John. Had it not been for John, Ellie would never have gotten Jessica, and would never have met Harry, her current husband, and best friend!! Elie remembered her own second 'White Wedding in White Christmas' to Harry, where she had also worn everything White- A white satin gown with White lace and White pearls, a White veil, White sexy sandals, White gloves, and was holding a white bouquet.  The 'All White Ensemble' was something which had forever remained in her memory and hung on the drawing-room hall, in the form of a Wedding photo, with Jessica, as the flower girl, also in all White.

Elie knew that she looked exquisite in white and had always laughed a lot in her White wedding gowns in both her White weddings. Elie had not remembered any other incidences where both she and her daughter Jessica had worn an all 'White Ensemble' together. So was looking forward to Jessica's wedding where both Elie and Jessica were going to be clad in 'all White Ensemble'.

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When Shanti Devi's son Kunal called her up and invited her for his wedding to an American girl, Shanti Devi did not curse Kunal or the girl, only herself! Had she not brought up Kunal with the feeling that he could get anything that he wanted in his life? Shanti Devi who had been deprived of so many basic things in her life wanted her son to be deprived of nothing. So she had ensured that the colour White, her colour of Widowhood, did not touch Kunal at all and had done everything to ensure that Kunal had a colourful life!

She had put him through the best English medium school, even sent him to Mumbai for further education and then to foreign shores for further studies. Each milestone of her son had been achieved by her by selling off one of her jewellery pieces (which was of no use to her anyway since she was not allowed to wear any of it or attend any wedding or religious function in it).

So gold for Shanti only meant 'money' or 'fixed deposit' or 'savings'. Never Jewelry to be worn! Never bangles and earrings and necklaces and rings…………………..to adorn. These days Kunal was working on a handsome salary, sending a huge amount of savings to his loving mother, and now just did not feel the need to ask her permission for anything in life.

He just told her.

Never asked her.

Just fifteen days ago he had called her up and told her that he was marrying Jessica in December and that he was sending air tickets for her to come over. Shanti Devi had merely nodded at the instructions. She had realized that over the last few years, the equation in her home had changed. Now Kunal used to do all the planning and ordering. While mom Shanti Devi used to do all the following and obey. Not that she minded very much. It only went to show that her son had become an independent man, one who hardly needed his mother, contrary to what he was when he was in Rae Bareilly, always clinging to his mother's white saree. Kunal had lived with his mom for nearly 18 years and had very closely observed his mom's life, the life of a widow, naturally he too hated the colour White as much as he loved his mother. 

In equal and opposite measures!

Because of his mother, he had seen only a slice of life, a very limited view of the world, a very tiny part of reality, a life that was coarse and colourless and bland and White. The white world in which his mother had been trapped and had been condemned to live all her life, for no fault of hers. For Shanti Devi, Kunal was the only one who had added colour to her White world! Kunal was the only reason for her to want to live. Because she wanted to see the many different colours of the World, through her son Kunal.

So when she was informed by Kunal that he was marrying Jessica, Shanti Devi was happy that a White-colored girl had entered Kunal's life to make his life colourful! The next day, she went shopping for her son's wedding. She bought a gold mangal sutra and a gold nose-ring, for Jessica. Next, she proceeded to buy a few new White sarees for herself. When she entered the 'Lovely Saree shop' full of colourful Sarees which fluttered prettily in the air, Shanti Devi tried once more to control her urge to look at those colourful sarees until the shopkeeper asked her what she would like to buy." White-colored saree!" muttered Shanti Devi, with routine dullness.

With one look at Shanti Devi, dressed in White without the traditional kumkum, the shopkeeper understood that Shanti Devi was a widow who wanted to buy a White widow saree. He guided her to a small neglected corner of the bright shop, where White sarees, were piled or stacked together. The corner of the bright shop suddenly reminded Shanti Devi about the similar neglect that she had faced all her life………….dumped in a corner of the World, without access to any colour or brightness. Shanti Devi ignored the thought, similar to the many random thoughts that she had been forced to abandon throughout her life, and smiled. For today, she was in a happy mood and looked at the various White sarees that the assistant had pulled out. She was now handling the White-colored saree, feeling it, caressing it, with that similar old feeling of dread and disgust, which she tried hard to shake off. Today, she wanted to buy a White saree that was fit for a Queen. Or a Queen mother. For was she not the mother of one of the most successful sons in town? And was she not going to attend her only son's marriage and that too overseas!

She felt that she had every right to be happy and even show off her happiness!!!

So she selected the most expensive White Sarees, made of the finest soft and smooth material, which was surprisingly very difficult to find, even in a big shop like 'Lucky Sarees'. The majority of the White widow sarees were coarse and plain and simple, without any embroidery or lace to enhance their beauty. So she had to spend two hours to get a better White saree, which the assistant got from the 'other section' since it was not housed in this White Widow Saree section.

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It was the first time in her life that Shanti Devi had stepped out of her small town. Into a Foreign country. Foreign culture. Foreign thoughts. She felt lost on arrival and was on the verge of tears……much like a small child who gets lost in the Village fair after he has let go of his mother's hand and is now feeling overwhelmed by the strangeness and the grandeur of the Village Fair, which minutes ago, appeared perfectly pleasant to him because he was holding his mother's hand and felt secure. Presumably, Shanti Devi felt lost on arrival.

She was feeling both lost and dwarfed by the foreign surroundings and had it not been for her son who recognized her and immediately came forward to hug her, she would have burst into tears. Kunal took his mother to his new home which was currently being decorated by Jessica and her mom, and Shanti Devi was spellbound, to say the least, This was more colourful and beautiful than what she had imagined her son's life would be! Shanti Devi looked around her.

Everywhere, there was an air of fun and frolic and laughter and colours, with red colour being the most prominent of the colours…………..for was Santa Claus not always clad in all red dress with the red cap?

The only White colour in his attire, was his huge white flowing beard…………..which attracted kids towards him and not frightened them away. For here, the 'Colour White is not used to frighten people and does not frighten anyone at all' Shanti Devi had noted surprisingly.

While in her hometown, she had always noted many of her relatives and neighbours, used to avoid and neglect the colour White, as if it denoted something terribly inauspicious.

While here, where the colour White was predominate, since it was the month of December and there was snow everywhere.

"It is going to be a White Christmas!" Kunal informed his mother, who looked around and realized that White had never looked so beautiful!

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After a few days, Jessica and her mom Elie and dad Harry, invited Kunal and his mother Shanti Devi to their house, for dinner to meet her and discuss their wedding plans.

Elie and Harry were the perfect hosts to Kunal and Shanti Devi. They were warm in contrast to the very cold atmosphere outside.

Elie, the bubbly host, showed Shanti Devi around her large house and even showed Shanti Devi the photos of her two weddings. Shanti Devi saw that Elie was wearing White and looking so splendid and happy, which made Shanti wonder 'How can anyone look so happy in White?'

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It was the Wedding day.

The day of the 'White wedding in White Christmas'.

'An auspicious thing to happen' Elie could not stop explaining to Shanti Devi why 'White wedding in White Christmas' was special for their family.

"White is a beautiful colour!" Elie spoke dreamily to Shanti Devi and she exclaimed suddenly "Why you yourself are wearing White and looking so pretty and happy!" looking approvingly at Shanti Devi.

Shanti Devi smiled and agreed that the White colour may make her look pretty but happy…..? About that she was doubtful.

'For how can any woman look happy in White?' this thought continued to bog Shanti Devi down by its weight.

Elie was going on and on ranting about the wedding.

"Everything is White at this wedding. White is our colour theme" Elie proclaimed to Shanti Devi, "The backdrop is White, decorated with White flowers imported exclusively from Thailand, the plates are ivory White, with the napkins White and a vase containing only White flowers placed on each table. The wedding cake will be a three-tier cake and will, of course, be White. The invitations have been printed on snow White-colored cards."

Shanti Devi simply nodded out of politeness but still did not quite understand how the colour White could make someone so happy!

Within a few minutes, the huge door opened and Jessica came walking in …………….in her pretty White Wedding designer gown along with white veil, white high heels, white gloves and carrying a bouquet of pretty white flowers……….looking pretty and happy.

That Shanti Devi was once again left wondering, that 'A lady can certainly look beautiful in White but how could a lady look 'happy' in White?' This was something that was beyond her.

She wondered can two countries and cultures be so diverse from each other that they are almost opposite? Shanti Devi looked at her future daughter-in-law Jessica, in that White ensemble, looking like a lovely fairy in dreamland as she glided in elegantly in her exclusive White wedding gown, with a deep sweetheart cut, which revealed more than it hid.

Shanti Devi looked closely at Elie's White dress too. It also had a deep cleavage which promised beauty and sensuality………………..even at the age of 52!

Shanti Devi was shocked!

She had never imagined that the colour White could be used to prepare such a sexy, revealing dress!

For her, White colour was always meant to completely cover the body, never reveal. 

To hide one's youth and beauty, never reveal it.

White colour for Shanti 52, had represented limitations and unfulfilled dreams and an unloved and unlived life, while White colour for Elie also 52, represented unlimited possibilities at love and life and romance.

Shanti Devi knew never that such disparities could exist so smoothly and simultaneously, in the same World!

Shanti Devi looked at Jessica in her all-white ensemble, with new eyes, for she never thought that anyone could look so pretty and happy in White!

Suddenly, her hatred and dread for the colour White disappeared!

And she understood that the problem was not with the colour White, but with her prejudiced mind and traditions, which had added a bad feeling to the colour 'White'. 

For White the colour itself was blameless!! 

White was as pure as the milk of a mother!

White was as simple as the snow of December!

White was as peaceful as the soul of true lovers!