1990: My 5 Seconds With Warren G. Buffett

Washington, DC

1990

This was years ago. And I know it is possible only because I didn't pay any money.

I was visiting my dad for vacation where he worked in Washington for a government research agency. We happened upon a little nondescript bistro of some kind; We were thirsty; It was pricey, but we decided to get a lemonade;

Everything was normal and a little ritzy when a figure at the far table spoke up:

Buffett (or a very good impersonator): "I'm an old man giving advice about everything anything you want to do. But there's a price. What do you say?"

Michael: "Well okay, what do you say Nathan?"

Buffett: "Step up, step up my son"

Nathan: "What I want to do is philosophy"

Buffett: "This restuarant is chintzy. What you need is a categorical system----"

Michael: "Wait, just stop there: How much did that cost?"

Buffett: "Based on Confucius: Seventy-two hundred dollars"

Michael: "But that was just ten seconds---five seconds flat"

Buffett: "Seventy-two hundred dollars. But have it your way, five seconds five thousand dollars"

Michael: "But this is ridiculous. I approach you thinking you're a kind old man and it turns out you're a greedy trickster"

Buffett: "Let's have a free chat. You're not going to be a philosopher. Not in this day and age. So make art, make art"

Michael: "Did that help, Nathan?"

Nathan: "I don't know, but I think he's wise"

Buffett: "That's priceless, you go away with it: I already know you can't afford me. There you are with your lemonade, and I'm a billionaire. A billionaire. You shouldn't speak to me if you killed my secretary. You shouldn't speak to me if you woke up and shouted Merry Christmas---"

Michael: "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were a billionaire. That makes a difference"

Then my father turned to me: "Here, you got good advice Nathan, so I get to finish the lemonade"

A few weeks later we were in a car, and Michael asked me my opinion on Warren G. Buffett.

"Warren G. Buffett can make mud seem smart" I said. "But I really mean it" I said. I wasn't sure if my father understood.

"You know what you mean?" my dad said "He can make mud-ney seem smart".

We were still trying to laugh it off.