War With Self

I die everyday with the terror of the world around,

I rejoice everyday with the goodness in bound,

The deadly division dwelling in my own self,

Has, God knows how, turned me to an elf,

The spark of change resides in me,

And so does the fear of defeat,

O Lord, help me to set my soul free,

Before I turn to ashes in this heat,

I think, at times, I've lost it all,

And all race ahead of me,

Unable to answer my own call,

I sink deeper into this sea,

All my eyes experience then, is a canopy of a cloudy form,

There comes a blow of wind, and rain drops down the verge,

Help me, O Lord, break this self-set norm,

Help me to end this urge,

Those around me, show me their miraculous mingling merries,

But they themselves haven't yet tasted, those mouth-watering berries,

When I see people around, with my eyes a magical crystal,

I see, their lies have turned them so venomous, that they can kill back a pistol,

But even sensing the truth, they hide underneath,

I distance myself from the peak, keeping all my success beneath,

When I experience, but defeat, I had already calculated,

I hate myself more, because my defeats are now saturated,

Every dawn brings for me a blacker, darker day,

But goodness comes to me, when under the stars I lay,

When it's bright, I feel down, for it shows me all that game,

Where I lose and others win, my life ends up as a shame,

But every thought that strikes me in the dark,

Tells me, that I'm not that stark,

I then model my contemplations into a master plan,

But then I realise, time and tide wait for no man,

But, oh! dear me, it's still not that late,

I know you can still, assuredly reverse your fate,

But, you need to distance all that fire,

If the crown, is what you desire.