Voices From A Breakdown

I realised what a breakdown was, my dear yesterday.

The anger within me I dared not express,

The sadness was beyond what I could handle.

The reasons were no different than those the day before,

The triggers, less severe than the past.

 I frantically searched for a reason to explain and a person to blame.

 This is not me, I convinced myself,

Not the empathetic daughter,

Not the level-headed mother,

Not the rational human

Not the stuff of which the woman behind the man was made of.

None of the labels I had created for myself clung to me.

 I felt myself break from within,

 And pulled the cover over my head to stop the implosion.

 Instead of containment, it only left me with my senses impaired.

  My flailing arms refused to reach the positive thoughts, the motivational speeches

The simple proverbs with their earthy messages seemed too complex to understand

 The love and concern that was still floating around me refused to touch my shores.

  Every hand of reality that was extended pushed me further into the depths of my own world.

  My own world where I was the victim of monumental wrongs

 My world where catastrophe was a stone's throw away

 My world where the air was dry without the humidity of hope.

Today as I resurfaced from the blessed shroud of sleep,

The corpse of despair safely buried deep down,

Those moments of madness seemed mundane

My reins, I felt were again safely in my hands.

 

The thought knocked my head

Was this the path of the slide down to depression?

Was I the one who had said that sinking of the mind was not for me?

It was for those who did not know how to control it?

Our mind can instantaneously push us far from reality,

Once the distance is created the reality becomes meaningless,

An analysis of the gravity of the situation pointless.

I accepted one more wrong belief quashed at the altar of life.