Poor Brad

There lived once a man named Brad

All of the time he was sad

Whatever happened to make him that way

No one knew or wouldn’t say

So his friends all went up to him

His porch filled up to the brim

They asked him "why, oh Brad"

That you are always so sad"

Brad looked up and said

"You all know about my wife Mary,

And how sometimes she can be scary.

Her will is just isn't unmade"

"Last year Ted, my dog fell sick.

He couldn’t even muster a lick

The vet tried all that he could

But Ted wouldn’t even touch his food"

"It was then decided to put him down

A choice between a shot or to drown

I couldn’t bear to see him go

That much coldness I can't show"

But what must be done has to be done

So my wife went and fetched the gun

I tried to escape from the act

Said the gun was rusty in fact

Delayed the act as much as I could

Threw the can of oil out for good

Days merged into weeks together

And Ted wasn’t getting better either

One day I come home and see

Grinning and cleaning the gun with glee

I tread that the moment has come

That my feelings have to get real numb

I asked her for the gun

But she said the act's done

She knew that I couldn’t do it

And that I was too proud to admit"

The guys were shocked

"oh fool you got a great wife

Why are you sad

You should be happy with your life"

"I was I was" Brad insisted

"Till six months ago when my doctor visited

He found a dangerous tumor up my knee

In a place where no one can quite see

He told it has to be cut out soon

Or it will turn my leg a prune

I am scared of knives and surgery

I swoon at the very imagery

I delayed this as long as I can

Whenever the doctor came over I ran

And hid in the local bar

Didn’t go home till he left in his car"

"So what has got you riled up now"

Asked the guys, tired somehow

"Last month I came home late one night

Saw mary doing something by the kitchen light"

I walked up close to her from behind

The look on her face seemed determined

She was cleaning a knife she had in her hand

Grinning about something that she had planned

From that day my friends, my sleep is gone

From that day, deep fears have born

I sleep now with one eye open

Dreading like a chicken let live to fatten

Now you tell me shouldn’t I be sad

Am I wrong or am I mad

What would you do if your wife

Sat by the bedside with a knife