I Don’t Know If I’m Ever Gonna Be Okay

It’s been a week since you’ve left,

Since then there has always been a burden on my chest

There seems no way to end this pain,

To whom do I even complain?

Thoughts of you have made me insane

All I can do for you now is pray

But, I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be okay

I can’t stop longing for all the good old days

But all I see in front of me is haze

Life has lately been playing rough 

Everything has got me into thinking was I ever enough?

I owe you so much I don’t know how to repay

And I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be okay

There’s so much I wish you knew

I wish I told you how much I love you

I don’t know why we didn’t end the distance 

Today I feel there’s no point of my existence 

There are so many emotions I couldn’t display

I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be okay

There’s only one day I now look forward to

Someday, somewhere, when I will meet you

There’s so much grief that it physically hurts

So many instances I wish I could reverse

I wish I could speak to you one last time

I wish you could live your prime

I know this is the time I have to be brave

But I couldn’t stand strong infront of your grave

So early in life, I’m so tired

I’m not at all aligned with what the universe conspired

I can’t explain this state of distress

No words will ever be enough to express 

I don’t know anymore what to say

I just know

I don’t think I’m ever gonna be okay.

-Sanika Nitin Abishai