Don't light the candles, I'm still burning

It begins again, striking me like an F1 car —
This week gnaws at me, wants me to restart,
a burden to the ones I orbit,
so I vanish behind curtains,
Like a frightened child pretending not to exist.
I was the improbable one,
a one-in-four-trillion chance of being born,
yet all my certainties lie in being torn.
The world never lets a soul pass unscarred,
but with me, it was not content to scratches
It carved, it mutilated, it made ruin a home within me
which is so hard to see,
Wait , does God listen to the sufferer if they beg and plead?

Freedom? Death? Which grants me peace best?
A weary heart that pleads for rest.
A cake, a mockery dressed in cheer,
a candle burning another year.
They say it's what you make, but it’s sealed by fate,
Etched in my soul when all I want is to fade.
I fear I'm too late to rewrite my state,
To cleanse my suffering, to be a blank slate.
I pray I'm not the rot that poisons the plot,
The apple that ruins what the orchard has got

Tormented by the unrested thoughts in my marrow
The path I'm walking is getting narrow
I'm praying and trying to write something positive 
But it's up to fate
What do i when everything around me is negative
Its not what i make 
A feeling i can't shake
In fate's hand I'm cluched, i can't break
But there's light and life lingering, I'm afraid to take

It's no celebration, who tell these people
When every move you make, it pierce you like a needle 
So keep the cake away, throw of the candles
The person you celebrate his heart is in shambles 
The horror of a new beginning haunts him
I don't belong to group of men, 
Because fear taunts me
These gifts and wishes are something i honour 
But later when you leave, like i ghost i sit in a corner
A mirror in hand, i stare in horror
All these memories, will take years to slaughter.


So don't wish me, and let it all flee
In my torment, my thoughts dance carefree
I remember it's just her i look at like a full moon glee
For the best of both us is she
I bleed and smile and laugh in liberty.