Depression - The Tormentor

Manu woke up to the alarm bell that relentlessly unleashed its deafening vibration. His groggy eyes and weary body confronted his mind to switch back to slumber since they had no energy left to function. Once upon a time, he reveled with his life energies but now life is meant to be useless and meaningless. Every day is a pathetic journey that is forcefully made. Tears brimmed his eyes reflecting the pain hidden in the dark recesses of his soul. He questioned God about his existence and wondered why he was still alive when he had no iota of interest left in this concept called life. His life was punctuated with anxiety and depression. He made up his bed and sauntered down the street to visit a park to see if nature could cure his illness. The sun rays sneaked through the leaves of the trees to kiss his face but couldn't beget a smile on his dull countenance. Manu darted his eyes at the cooing birds that seemed to suck every droplet of pleasure from its life. He gazed at the people who cracked jokes non-stop which was a testament to their happiness. He glanced at the leaves of the trees that danced to the tunes of the wind projecting its tranquillity. Every living thing on the earth seemed to be dripping ecstasy while he was battling acute depression. People from all walks of life materialized at the park sharing laughter, and wisdom glorifying their presence. Even amidst all the positive energy engulfed around him, his mind seemed to be insulated from it. His freaking mind continued to churn out painful thoughts one after the other as if it was ordered to do so. He realized no source from outside could render him peace when his inner faculties weren't listening to him. Nobody wants to suffer. Nobody wants to eat pain. If our inner sources acted as per our order, we wouldn't have suffered. The world would have been a happy place bereft of suffering. Our schools and colleges stress the need to find a strong position in the society. Why don't they teach us the art of mental development which is imperative to achieve anything in life? There wouldn't have been a mental health crisis had we been taught how to handle our inner resources from childhood. The Sunday which was supposed to be a fun day did not bring any joy or peace in Manu's life.

When there is no interest left in the life tank, would there be any interest in doing the job required to make ends meet? Hell no. Manu woke up to the monster noise of the alarm on a Monday morning which only replenished his anxiety tank. Even though Sunday didn't offer him any joy, at least he had no work to do but now he got to work at the office with the depressed mind. Is there anything worse than this? He strode into the bathroom taking a warm bath before donning a formal shirt and a pant. His heartbeats refused to slow down blowing his anxiety out of proportion. He was operating like a depressed robot programmed incorrectly. Tears blissfully manufactured in his eyes to torment his soul as he walked out of the house towards a bus station. The clamor generated by the bustling crowd didn't sound music to his ears rather shattered his ear drums. Eventually, a bus materialized at the station to ferry the passengers to their destinations. He climbed up the steps and occupied the window seat. The breezy wind washed his face. He felt like jumping out of the window. What a mess his mind has become. He got down from the bus when it stopped near his office. As soon as he stole a glance at his office, he felt like the battleground was getting ready and he had to go and fight the war. He swiped his ID card and got inside the office room. Everybody's prying eyes hovered over him as he took a painful walk towards his cubicle. 

"The depressed guy is back to make the room feel depressed."

"He is an ill guy who has no interest in life."

"We must not even bother to talk to him. Who knows his illness could be infectious and may assault us."

"He might have done a bad karma in the past. That is why his soul is battered now."

At least on Sunday, he was free from these nasty comments but now the atmosphere looked to be even more hostile rubbing salts to his wounds. Like parasites, they assaulted his soul to make him feel even more depressed. 

If you can't help somebody, that's fine, but why do you want to further someone's suffering by treating them as untouchables? Many can't pass a day without deriving sadistic pleasure. During lunchtime, he stuffed some food inside his mouth with tears still dominating his eyes. He felt like his heart was ripping out of its place to inject excruciating pain. He vomited whatever he ate because they had just turned poison. With exhausted body and mind, he returned to his cubicle trying to evade the prying eyes. His colleagues were laughing, kissing, teasing as if they never understood what it meant to be depressed. His boss barked at him to make matters worse while others giggled at his helplessness. Is the whole world turned against him? The long office hours finally came to an end as he picked up his bag and sprinted towards the washroom. His anxiety levels had breached all the limits. He knew his mood would further worsen if he stayed there for a long time. He covered his face with his palms and cried his heart out. What is the use of living such a pathetic life daily? It is better to die than to prolong this pain? His mind orchestrated a plan to end his life once and for all to get permanent freedom from all his miseries that battered him left, right and centre.

The sun descended while the moon ascended to signify the beginning of the evening. Manu looked out of the window at the picturesque backdrop of a star-adorned sky that appeared to laugh at his haplessness. He considered to teach a lesson to the defiant world that depicted indifference. Enough is enough there is a limit to everything. He had grappled enough with this depression. He had hit the rock bottom and more importantly his own mind desired his death. His mind yet again found the perfect time to bludgeon him with anxious thoughts. He found it difficult to breathe, plucked his hair, and his feet seemed to give up. He nestled his back against the wall and started panting. This is the worst that can happen to a human being. He pulled a long cloth from his bed and tied it to the fan. He looked at the noose in front which was hung around his neck. He stood on the small table attempting the dark suicide. His exhaustion got the better of him as he fell and it seemed like pain had penetrated every cell in his body as he screamed in agony one last time. Did he die? Is this the end of his painful journey? Did he get liberation from this tormentor named depression? Did he find a way to end his anxiety problems? Is this it?

Manu opened his eyes slowly the next morning rolling his eyeballs around the room. What happened yesterday was indeed a disaster that befell upon him. But now he didn't feel like killing himself. What just happened? Yesterday, he happened to stumble upon a spiritual book named "Bhagavad Gita" which he read through the night. Just mere reading the book will not bring any change. What actions you take matters at the end of the day. Manu understood the consequences of killing oneself which is certainly not a solution to your problem. The only way to conquer depression is to confront it with fearlessness. The only way to renounce depression is by controlling your inner resources and make it act as per your orders. He envisaged a bright future ahead despite all the wrong that wreaked havoc in his life. He consulted a therapist, spiritual master and started transforming his life to metamorphose himself into a peaceful and happy human being. Yes, it didn't happen overnight. It took time but the healing happened. His mind became his best friend assisting him to pursue all his endeavours without any obstacles. The mind is programmed incorrectly causing all the damages so you got to be patient and slowly re program your mind correctly. How can you change your karma without taking any pertinent actions? Instead of blaming anyone, why don't you take the right actions which is the only solution to all your problems? Depression should not be treated as the end of the world but to be treated as the beginning of a new world. The pain that you feel will teach you a big lesson thereby changing the very perspective of life. Once you have swam through the ocean of pain, you know the value of pain. Once you hit the rock bottom, the only way is up. Pain doesn't feel like pain anymore because you have mastered the art of navigating through it when most of them succumb to its trap. Whatever transpires or conjures in your life has a secret reason beneath it. It molds you, transforms you and makes you a refined human being who cannot be bothered by the tons of problems around you. There is a solution to every problem. At one point, all your sufferings will indeed end so please have patience, especially for all those who are trying to pursue suicidal thoughts. Take the right actions and see how the same world that looked so hostile becomes so friendly. You are earmarked by the nature to change the world for good so please do not take hasty decisions.