Closet

A part of me is concealed in a small shelf 

inside my closet.

I am running from myself.

A box of thoughts haunting me,

I would never want to open it.

Because I am just too scared to face it.

In the world full of circles,

I realized I am square, 

Trying to fit in a place 

Never meant for me.

No one to love.

No one to care.

My words are stuck between my throat and my lips.

There is a colorful wall standing between my heart and my mind,

Treating me unkind.

Thinking all about the consequences,

I think I have vanished my worth.

I have lost everything,

My emotions, my senses,

Maybe All of me.

I am Crying under the rain,

Feeling Fragile like a home, made of cards

Experiencing numbness with pain,

My brain has gone insane,

It's a never ending process,

Repeating again and again.

I know I should be proud of myself,

But my kind words also do not comfort me.

I am battling with my own,

Fighting with my anguish,

Trying to confront the endless torment,

To withstand the never-ending chaos.

It's just too much to handle at the moment.

My thoughts have trapped my soul,

And no one has its control.

I believe, It will take a lot of me,

To set my soul free.

It's my own identity,

Who has become my greatest enemy.

I wonder if I can fix myself.

If I can fix this sin.

If I can be normal like others.

If I knew what to select when asked if I am he or she.

If I could reveal.

If I could accept.

If.

People quote Shakespeare "What's in a name?"

I want them to quote "What's in a gender?"

Because it's not anymore a matter of shame,

Crossing the hurdles full of needles and pins,

In the end it's love that wins.

My thoughts make me feel like a living body dead.

In my dark side, I want to see the light .

In this cruel mind, I want to witness my kindness.

In the era of demons, I want to look forward to the angels.

During the stormy days, I want to stay calm.

In my clamorous mind, I am searching for peace.

In the world of highs, all I am feeling is low

In my black and white soul, I know I hold the rainbow.

I am lost but I want to be found;

I am full of hurts but I want to heal;

In all the misery, all I am searching is for a smile.

I don't want to be known by on what's inside my pants,

I want to be known by the love I behold in my heart.

Hiding all the days which were filled with the grays,

I am fading But I want to stand still with pride,

With rainbow flag aiming up towards the sky,

Flying high and high.

I have seen more valleys than peaks;

I want to cross this journey of darkness.

I want to break my shelter to find my true self.

It's truly said "Beauty blooms in darkest of places"

Just like a cocoon leaving its own identity

becoming a Beautiful butterfly flapping its wings,

I realize there is a long life to be lived yet,

I have decided to try and come out of my concealed shelf,

Moving forward from the darkness, 

Stepping out of the closet, 

Coming towards the light,

Holding all the aces,

Flying with pride.