Dear Best Friend,
Today, I walk away.
So after all this time, after everything we have been through, today, I walk away. No, don’t take this as abandonment. I’m not abandoning you. I’m not even giving up on you.
All that has happened is that I have realised that the path you are on right now is one that I am not really meant to travel with you. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am definitely not the one to get you through this.
So, now you may ask whether this means that I no longer love you? It does not. If you ask me, I’ll tell you that this means that I love you way more than enough to finally take a step back and let you find your way back to yourself. Sometimes, friendship is best served as a happy memory.
And now, your next question is, do I hate you? Absolutely not! I can never possibly hate someone I have loved so much. If anything, I love you more. I love you way more than you’ll know – I love you enough to gather the courage to finally let you go and give you the chance to really discover your true self and what you really need.
How can I possibly hate the person I actually wanted to travel this world with at a point of time?
You see, whatever it was in your life that made you this way, I hate THAT. What made you feel you had to lie about everything? What made you feel you had to self destruct every time you had a chance to succeed? Through our many talks, I have some ideas, but do I know? No. I don’t know, but whatever it was, that is the only thing I’m capable of hating today.
I have seen you at your best as well. In those moments, when I saw you doing good, I saw through that façade and discovered your true soul. I saw the beautiful soul that hid behind your tough shell. I know that one day, “you” will win over all these hurdles and finally, when you will be able to do it, I won’t be there to see it.
I remember, there was a time when I actually made you better. However, someday, somehow those demons we had battled away together, found their way back to you.
I could go on and on about how much you really hurt me, but the truth is, you hurt yourself so much more in the process. The truth is, I love you enough to know it’s not about what you did to me. It’s about what you do to yourself.
Gradually, I became the ocean you slowly felt yourself drowning in. You always had a way to come back to me. I was always there for you. I still am. The only difference is that from now on, I will be present in your thoughts. I’m going to be the memory of what it was like to truly be loved.
And someday, sometime, you will find this kind of love again. Something even better than this, perhaps.
That reminds me, is this what scared you so much? The fact that I knew your deepest, darkest secrets and yet, refused to let you sink into a self created abyss of disappointment and hopelessness?
Here’s my answer: I had chosen to love you. Not what you’ve done. Not what you did out of anger or fear. Just you. Beautiful, broken you. I’ve seen days where I thought no one could know me and truly love me. I changed. One day, you will too.
Today, I realise that I love you more genuinely than ever before.
Today, I dream of the time you find yourself truly content and happy.
Today, I hope for the moment you learn giving one hundred percent is worth the gamble.
Today, I realize that nothing I do can save you from the insanity you choose for yourself.
Today, I understand that your choices, while unhealthy, will not destroy you and it’s okay to stand back as you learn.
Today, I promise to finally take a step back as you find what you need to come back to yourself.
Today, I see that walking away from you is the hardest decision I’ll probably ever have to make.
Today, I walk away.