You Will Survive

You can sense them coming, sneaking their way through the edges of the curtains, creeping into your eyes even though you've kept them closed - the rays of the sun, indicating another morning, another day, another twenty-four hours of nothing but combating and coping. Still, your lids will flutter open, still your limbs will ache to get out of the bed, still you have the capability to get up, stretch out your muscles and stare right at those rays of the sun.

You can feel them, protruding their ugly heads out of the pits of the darkness that is dwelling inside your mind. You can hear the growling of them - your inner demons, as they start gnawing at your insides. You can see them, crawling all the way up to your mind, stabbing and hurting each and every nook of your body, leaving you incapacitated to breathe, to think, to see the reasons for continuing to live. Still, you are going to stand up straight, perhaps clenching your fists tightly, perhaps gasping and panting, still you are going to get up, and punch your inner demons right at the core of them. Still, you will live to fight them, and to defeat them every time they pop their heads up from those bottomless pits of darkness.

You are searching, seeking that one thing, that something in this vast pool of nothing to hold onto, to clutch onto - hope. You're seeking hope, you are searching for hope in those depths of your soul, yet you get emptiness. You are looking behind your shoulders every time the clock ticks away, yet you don't feel at ease. Even though the chaos residing in the layers of your mind is quiet and calm, a whirlpool of anxiety and pain keeps surging inside of you, snatching any bit of peace that you tried to preserve. Still, you are going to dress up, eat your breakfast. Still, you are going to lock up the house and set out for work rather than locking yourself in the confinement of your chaos. Still, you will live, like every other soul living and rushing in the hustle of the morning hours. Still, you will hope, to see no traces of darkness following behind you. Still you will hope to live and fight the surges of emotions rumbling inside of you.

You are cold and numb, tired of the quench for warmth. You are habituated to dwell between the constant phases of coldness and numbness, you can feel the coldness soaking up every fiber of your being, leaving you debilitated to feel anything rather than the perpetual sadness and desire for death. You need warmth, the warmth that had left your side from the moment you found yourself burning in the morbid desire to embrace death. You need it badly, yet it can't be found anymore. All you get is that numbing sensation coursing through your veins each time the shadows of loneliness and darkness loom over you. Still, you are going to close your eyes to the darkness of your inner chaos every night. Still, you are going to open your eyes to the rays of the vibrant sun every morning. Still, you are going to live to fight through another day, be it without any blanket of warmth draped around your cold and numb soul.

You want to feel beyond the fences of pain and grief that have surrounded you, you want to bask in the glow of happiness, you want to let your eyes see the reasons why you should continue to live, you want your soul to acknowledge the worth of living the life you've been blessed with, yet you can't. Rather, all you can do is to let your fingers run along with the blindfold resting triumphantly on your eyes. You can't break free from the ceaseless cycle of loneliness, yet you want to. But all you can do is to push yourself more and more into the pit of hollowness with every passing day. You want to confide in someone, you want to trust someone or something with all those storms rushing inside you, but you can't. Your darkness is devouring every bit of the ability to invest your faith. Still, you are going to do it, you are going to scream at the top of your lungs to let the world know that you need help. Still, you are going to take those helping hands and rely on them for the sake of your sanity.

You need that one thing, that one Intrinsic thing that one needs to move past everything in life - love and care. But, they're lost, as if they do not want to salvage your existence that is getting wiped away by the nasty hands of the demons living in your mind. You are fervently looking for your fair share of love and care, yet you can't find them. Perhaps even though having your share of love and care close to you, you are unable to go and grab them. The chaos, the storms, the darkness - the several forms of your inner demons will not let you do so. Still, you are going to reach out for them, even if it's late, you are going to fight through your darkness to seize that light shining vividly at the end of the tunnel of your darkling life.

You want to survive. You have to survive. You can't let yourself go wasted in the pits of those abhorring darkness, but you are letting your own demons to devour you, to make your soul all hollow, and empty, to make your mind filled with nothing but negativity and evil. Still, you are going to survive. Still, you are going to survive those hours of imperishable darkness and chaos. Still you are going to survive even if the claws of the demons are wrapped tightly around your throat. Still, you are going to survive even if your heart is losing the battle against the demons. Still, you are going to survive even if your mind turns against you. The demons dwelling in the nooks of your mind are of your own, and only you can either defend them or defeat them.

And, you will survive, to live to fight another day.