Wish...I Would've Been HEARTLESS!

"And I travel back to December all the time…wearing a smile and blush!

Of course, it was and had to be my first kiss. I still lose myself, in the memories of that warm hug and depth of that kiss. Yes, it still is alive in me like it just happened hours ago.

And there he was…

I was waiting at the book-cafe for him to arrive. As usual, he was late, as the clock struck 4, but it was pretty fine for me, till I was lost back in those memories with a coffee mug by my side, and a novel idles on my lap! I seldomly visited the cafe for writing and reading stuff as it was the best I thought in Pune.

"And there he stood, quietly at the entrance, watch me, Panik, at my mom's text!

“Meet my friend”, I introduced the waiter, who was by then,well acquainted to me. He was a jolly and an easy-going person. He greeted Aarnik, my friend, the-then boyfriend. But, we both were convinced to be ‘friends’ throughout. Just to avoid bootless expectations from each other and misunderstandings that arise, due to ‘being committed’. But we were committed. This was none the decision taken mutually by words, but by common thoughts, we shared in our hearts.

"Aarnik was very understanding and an interesting person, who always tried to surprise me, and keep me contented. There he was, with a black rose, which I had dreamt of, two days prior to my sleep. “Love you”, said I, caressing the flower and beckoned him to sit. He ordered two blue-lagoon mojitos, a cheese-loaded capsicum pizza, and a stuffed burger with extra cheese and bacon. “Quite quick for your orders”, teased I. Every time we had to eat, we ended up arguing on, who will give the orders, and whose choice would it be to decide upon the place to eat. Sipping, ice-chilled mojito, I continued reading Inferno, by Dan Brown, an author whom I always looked up to! “Nothing activates adrenaline production like pain” I read aloud, and that hit both of us hard. Neither of us were aware of the consequences, being in a relationship then…but, still, we were, blindfolded, without having any hint of future, as a nomad, without knowing his destination. Chatting, time passed by. It was already 7, and I had to leave. On "On our return journey, the setting of the sun, amidst the clouds, with welcoming trees on both sides of the road, and imitating honking of Aarnik, made me enjoy the ride. I reluctantly bid him bye and he proceeded towards his home, just a kilometer away from mine." 

He had guests, his cousin Ishank and aunt, who were cool and frank, little did they knew what all mischievous, Aarnik was. His cousin's big brother knew me well, and we made a good team together when taking sides against Aarnik! Such a pleasure it was, to see him embarrassed loosing and trying to curl up the talk and create a hill of similar talks to cover-up the list!

Even after spending time together, we were eager to meet-up on virtual media, texting as soon as we were free.

Me:

Kahani jaisa hain tu…

jise likhti hu jaau

Ek sawaal ulazhne pe…

dusraa khada karr du!

Aarnik:

Tere jaise lekhak,

Se hi meri fateh…

Naah hai kuch kaami;

Yaahi sab kehte!

And the chats continue till eyes became heavy with deep sleep and he dropped his phone twice, bumping on his nose. The typical good night was a unique one, with emotion arisen anew, each passing day! It was a feeling and good vibe to wish, rather than just words out of formality.

Even during our f***ing shut-up days, these good morning and night messages convinced us, everything was alright on the other side. shut-up days was the period, we behaved as if our dignity would thrash down to ashes…and then one had to take up courage and console the other…These rare arguments felt good sometimes!

The next morning, he called up early in the morning and asked to be ready. I was a sluggish late-rise, except for days, I decided to make a run in the morning. I yawned and checked the alarm clock, resting beside me, and I remembered his words, w

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hen he gifted me. “This will wake you up when I can’t, my panda!”. That definitely brought a smile on my face, but it struck 8 a.m. & I was supposed to be ready by 8:30 at the old tank, behind the Ganesha temple, so that no one could spot us.

I was totally unaware as to where we were heading. I pulled my jeans on and garbed myself in a new Kurti, recently gifted by my dii. I waited patiently on the decided spot and thought of innumerable things he could’ve done that day. It turned out to be weird and fascinating at the same time.

In the next 5 minutes, I found myself seated in a gorgeous Chevrolet Camaro, with spotless red paint, which smelled new leather. Ishank high-fived I and Aarnik winked hello. “Do you know, where are we headed?”, Ishank broke my awe-struck silence. “I fear not”, was my immediate reply.

“Do not try to open and jump off the car. They are child-locked, and don’t you dare jump out” warned Aarnik amusingly.

“Alibaug”, said Ishank as softly as he could…

I gulped…I stared right in front of me and couldn’t think of anything else, but pulled the hand-brake up. “We can’t do this”, screamed I. Thankfully, we were by then, on an empty road, and no mob to see my not-so-sense-behaviour.

After a lot of convincing and assurances, I was ready, to continue with the journey.

With songs loud, curvy roads, and photoshoots, we chit-chatted along the way. They were well equipped with packets and drinks to facilitate hunger and thirst calls. We halted on a tapri along the roadside to have tea and our favorite palekar doughnuts. Within 3 hours, our eyes caught the scenic views of tall coconut trees and beaches. I was the most excited one and couldn’t contain my eagerness.

Parking our car, sunglasses on and holding a coconut,the wave of air, blew my hair, all over my face. I got many candids, with my fingers playing with my hair, to shove them aside, which Aarnik always fantasized.

We ran and went into the sea, played, splashed water, made sandcastles and collected shells and corals, to take back memories.

Drying ourselves, we lied on the swings and enjoyed the blissful sunset view. Ishank was then curious, to hear the December thing from us, which we both mentioned quite frequently, in our talks.

Aarnik took the lead to explain, and the ‘I-m-blessed’ look on his face gave me the most wanted satisfaction! He started, “We visited Mumbai, on the night of 24th December, to attend the Christmas mass. The train journey with filter-copy episodes & the nightlife in Mumbai was just fantastic, traveling in cabs. The midnight mass was just about to start at 11:00 p.m. when we reached, the Gloria church, Byculla. We occupied the front seats, and I was overjoyed, seeing her heart-filled joy on her face. It was one of her dreams, to attend so & had her perfect attire on, a navy blue one-piece with bellies. I was in my suit and blazer to suit her”, winked he.

He continued, as we took a walk alongside the shore, with our bare feet, “we were served a slice of plum cake and a coffee-filled cup, after giving us the offertory. We went around the church to see the old-age architecture as was of 1913, admiring its sculpture and fine decorative art.

I was lost in the architecture, narrating its history, and when I checked on her, to see whether she was listening, she was not there. Yaa… she was not! I was baffled, as of, where on earth can she disappear, without even a hint, and when I was telling her something, underline that!”. “not too long to wait, I turned around, to find her on one of her knees, held a bunch of bright red roses, above her, and proposed me. I-I…felt ground under my feet move. Couldn’t believe my eyes!”

Ishank had to leave, for his office directly from Alibaug & I couldn’t hold back my tears and hugged him tightly. I feared, one day, even Aarnik would have to leave me, alone, to live my life…and I wished, ‘I WERE HEARTLESS!’ to avoid this emotional breakdown of mine often…