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Love Is A Grumpy-Bumpy Ride
Love Is A Grumpy-Bumpy Ride
“I Love You”
Maybe its not the right time to say it or Maybe not the correct place thou but holding it for a longer time is something bothering me a lot. When I first met you I just did not know that those eyes of yours would show me the sights I could have never seen, those words of yours would empower me every time I felt low, those arms of yours would give me such soothing and peaceful warmth, those forehead kisses you did whenever I cried and when you could not meet me for a single day. I was clueless of my feelings for you when I was feeling immensely courageous when one shouts at you or pokes you for something you never did, I was clueless of my feelings for you when you just held my hand while watching horror movies because you were scared and I have never made you feel that I was more scared than you, I was clueless of my feelings when I smile like an idiot while watching you doing cute stuff but I got a clue of what I am feeling when I really gave my whole pizza to you because you were hungry as hell, I got a clue of what you mean to me when you played a prank of going missing for a whole day just to irritate me, I got a clue of I cannot imagine my life without you when I saw you with her smiling more, holding her hands with fingers entangled, kissing her forehead and what not.
I am sorry for myself that I took everything you did so seriously. You never gave any kind of hints that you love me too. But I am not sorry for loving you because love just happens, there is no eligibility criteria for LOVE. I only pray a lot of goodness for you. May she be able to make you feel same way I made when you felt like lagging back, may she be able to hold on to you even when you give up on yourself the way I did, may she be able to share her happy places with you the way I did, may she be able to make you fall for her that I couldn’t. I COULDN’T. After all the happy moments we had I just don’t know what will I be doing without you. But don’t worry I won’t let myself breakdown so that you won’t feel guilty.
We have made some promises to each other when we had our first fight got sorted.
1st Promise was done by you
Promise 1: I will never leave you shattered rather hold you till you smile.
2nd Promise you asked me to do
Promise 2: Promise Me! You will never leave me alone when I say, “Leave me alone, get lost, or anything else”
3rd Promise you did
Promise 3: I am having your back in every damn situation irrespective of happiness or sorrows.
4th Promise you asked me to do
Promise 4: Promise Me! You are supposed to stay till we die.
So you broke your 1st promise many times since you met her. But I haven’t broken any of my promises yet and will never. Whenever you’ll need me you will find me right next to you no matter what happened between us. I was supposed to stay till we die so I will be staying till I die because I pray for a longer lifetime for you. Saying goodbye has never been my thing but I think this time it’s meant to be a “GOODBYE” forever. “I Love You”
And she left.
He did not stop her this time.
I will not stop you because I do not deserve that. (Period)
I cannot see you getting more hurt day by day just because I am unable to wipe those tears which are in the habit of my fingers. You know, you’re way more precious that I can never put my feelings into words.
I was waiting for this confession since the day I held your hand while watching horror movie in spite of knowing that you also get scared of watching horror movies still you held me back and never let me knew that you were too scared but held it in yourself because I was scared.
I never said that, “I LOVE YOU” because I don’t love you in fact “I OWE YOU MYSELF”.
You’ve put in all your positive vibes to fix me when I was broken by some negative soul, you’ve put in all your love to fix my broken pieces and trust, you’ve put in yourself so much in me that whenever I look at myself I seriously see you for real.
“I LOVE YOU”
Since the day I saw you being so real with no fakeness; Since you’ve been popping up those morning motivation message daily; since I know that you have not tried alcohol yet (haha like seriously dude when are you going to?); I Love you since the day I saw you giving your food to the poor kids and not having food then because you adore those kids eating. You know, I have seen some different shades of a woman being associated with you. I fell for those lame jokes on which you keep laughing like hell, I fell for those late-night calls where you always kept awake and I always slept first.
I realized all this, the day you cried in front of me holding my arms and saying, “I won’t do anything for anyone now!” and we all know that you’ll do all that caring stuff again for everyone irrespective of what they did to you. That Day, I felt something. I cannot see you breaking because your smile is something I am living for.
“They never felt anyone’s presence in their lives this strong.”
Why did it all end like this? I have tried not to give up on our relationship that’s been unnamed since the start but it got out of our league and we both lost in saving us. I so wish I could be the one you always needed in every sort of situation but we fell apart. – Preksha in sobbing voice.
You have never let me break down whenever the situation came, you always held me and put me back into those positive vibes, I don’t know where I went wrong that it had to end like this. I so wish you keep that positivity within you forever. I so wish I could be the one to whom you share your everything, i.e, everything. We both could have a life full of love, care, laughter and what not, we found a weird comfort level within each other. But then I believe you deserve someone who can take care of you way beyond every sort of limits as you deserve everything that is the source of happiness. We both could have fallen for each other like every other guy and girl in this world but we fell quite differently that we fell apart from each other. – Saransh with a sigh of stress.
Few Weeks later,
Saransh was just going through his Instagram feed and the first post he saw was of hers with a caption:
“Love will help you conquer all the problems come across.”
He smiled!
Thank God! She did not change, she is still full of life and love. But that charm is missing.
And he double-tapped and took a screenshot because the picture says:
She was sitting with her phone in hand, looking at the phone and smiling (Blushing).
Preksha was doing her work, i.e., Freelancing in writing and editing. Her phone moves and she pick her phone up and unlock it. So many notifications popped altogether so she was sliding all the notifications one by one then she was sliding the notification, “@Saransh_01 liked your photo.” And she clicked instead of sliding and she said, “You were the only reason for me to smile while looking into the phone and you are the only reason today too.” The only difference is, “Yesterday you knew that you are the only reason behind my stupid smile but today you don’t know that it’s still you.”
Saransh just couldn’t get his eyes off that picture, “I know you must be looking at our pictures because I remember this smile is only the result of our togetherness. I so wish I could have told you that I embrace every little thing of you and thing done by you.” And he just moved ahead with his photoshoot, and just look at the irony, the photographer asked him to give the “Blush Look”. He just closed his eyes and thought about Preksha and guess what? He could not stop himself from “Blushing”.
And then the shoot got over and he was packing up, an earring fell down from his bag, he saw and was picking it up that he recalls why its with him?
[Flashback: Preksha came to Saransh’s place for waking him up as he wasn’t picking her calls. She was wearing a suit white in color with a multi-color dupatta and multi-color jhumkas with wet hair and bangles in the right wrist and a watch in left hand. She came to his room and sat beside him and started rolling her hands in his hair and then he just started to turn and held her hand and kept saying, “Let me sleep a little more please.” And
Preksha was like, “C’mon wake up, it’s your shoot today.”
Saransh said, “It’s at 12:00 PM, why are you here so early?”
Preksha said, “It’s already 10:00 AM and I have to go for work by 11:00 AM, so just wake up Saransh.”
Saransh said, “What? You would be leaving right now?” And he woke up.
Preksha said, “Yes.”
He held her hand and pulled her towards him and snuggled with her hair and put them behind her ears and slides his fingers to her earring and removes and whispers, “Your Fragrance is something that turns me on.” Preksha just steps back and says, “Oh Shut Up! I am not like those fool girls you date okay? Just wake up and get ready breakfast is on the table and I am leaving Bye.
Saransh gets up from the bed and walks behind her and kept ranting, “I don’t know why, I always end up following you while every other girl follows me.”
Preksha, “because even your heart knows that I am not like those silly girlfriends of yours.”
Saransh, “Oh yeah right! Ms. Perfectionist.”
Preksha, “Okay Bye.”
Saransh, “Wait for 15 minutes no, I would get ready and have breakfast then we’ll leave together.”
Preksha, “Have you lost it? We have to go in opposite directions.”
Saransh, “Doesn’t matter wait here I am locking the house and your key is with me too.”
Preksha, “Huh! Why are you so unpredictable?”
Saransh, “Bear with me.”
Preksha, “No other option.”
And she was sitting on the couch simply rolling her fingers down her hair and smiling reading something on her phone. Saransh came out in blue denims and white shirt and sky-blue blazer in his hand. He saw her and walked towards her, sat in front of her and snatched her phone,
Preksha, “Hey you idiot! Give my phone back.”
Saransh, “Let me see first who is making you blush if not me.”
Preksha, “Oh shut up! I was reading something.”
Saransh, “Oh really! Let me read that too.”
Preksha, “Give it back, I’ll make you read.”
Saransh, “Okay!”
And returns it back. She makes him read it and he started laughing saying, “This is such a stupid stuff and you felt it oh my god.” And he kept laughing. Preksha felt bad and she started crying. Saransh came close to her and was trying his level best to stop those tears, cracking lame jokes, acting like a clown and then he just cupped her face and was wiping her tears saying, “if I cannot do all this with you then with whom I should do all such stuff, I thought we are best friends so we can have the worst and best with each other but I am sorry if we can’t do such stuff. I will never and she just shhhh… him.
Preksha, “Shut Up! You can do whatever you want to but there should be a sense of maturity at times that’s it.
Saransh, “Are you expecting sense of maturity from me?”
Preksha, “Ofcourse.”
Saransh, “hahah, are you kidding me? Maturity from me? I could never get the difference between normal, serious or funny situation and you are expecting sense of maturity from me?
Preksha, “Don’t worry, you’ll be able to differentiate soon. Now shall we leave, I am already getting late.”
Saransh, “Yes, after you.”
And flashback ends.]
He smiled and put that earring back in his bag. He held his bag and left from the studio to his place. He was driving back to his place that he saw a woman feeding some poor people near the traffic signal but he couldn’t see her face as he wanted to see her badly because he was getting an instinct of her being “Preksha”. And he was desperate just to see her face so, he parked his car on the side and just get out of the car and move towards her and she turns. She was not her.
“You are not her.”- Saransh
And he leaves from there, he drives back to his place and kept thinking about her.
“She loves to serve in slums, whether its education, food, clothes or shelter or anything. She just loves to serve those people. She must be doing something for them right now. Should I go there? Should I help her? Should I just stand by her? Maybe she needs something. Maybe I can be any small reason for some good in those poor people’s lives. Okay, wait! Why am I even worried of what she wants? This was not the part of the plan, I am not supposed to think of her that’s it. I cannot be this much weak, I have to stay strong. She should not get to know that I am not over her yet. I won’t think of her it’s enough, she doesn’t even bother of me. So even I don’t give a damn! Really? I don’t give a damn! I do care. She was everything I could have, a best friend, the most irritating creature, the most loving person, the most caring, a true companion and my world revolves around her, day starts with her and ends with her, my health-keeper, smile-keeper and the most approximate answer to my every situation. She should be here with me always. She is supposed to be loved and cared but what I did was only hurt her that’s it. I don’t deserve her but if I would say all this to her, she’ll reply
“You are an idiot shut up! You are no one to decide who deserves whom? Its been destined, your companion has been decided already and you’ll meet him/her sooner or later but you’ll meet her definitely. Understood?”
Hahaha, she is such a cuteness. She deserves every kind of happiness of this universe. And I would make sure she gets the love, care and happiness she deserves.”- Saransh to himself.
And he tries to sleep.
There Preksha was trying to sort out how can she be helpful to people in slums apart from providing education to them? So, she just checked with the funds she is having right now and she found some funds with her which can be used. She just applied for a new bank account and the very next day bank people came and helped her out with a new bank account and she transferred the money to this account. She was thinking for some of their children’s school education, she will pay the education and hostel fees for some as she could do that. So, she just went to the slum area and asked who want to take admission real soon so she found 5 children and promised all of them, next year next 5, everyone will get educated here. And everyone came and hugged her. She was feeling on the top of the world that day, she was feeling like dancing in rain and guess what, it rained and she danced.
She was going home after the rain stopped and she was sneezing continuously and she goes back to some memories she had with the rain.
And thereafter, the photoshoot ended, he was just packing his bags and his phone vibrated, it was Rahul (Preksha and Saransh’s Best Friend) he answered;
Saransh: Hey! Ssup Buddy?
Rahul: Wassup should not matter. Just get ready, I am coming to pick you up.
Saransh: Where are we heading today?
Rahul: That’s a surprise for you.
Saransh: Oh Shut up! Tell me now.
Rahul: Oh you shut up! And get ready It will take 10 mins. For me to reach at your place.
Saransh: Idiot, I am at the studio for the shoot just now we packed up.
Rahul: Okay Cool, wait there only I am coming.
Saransh: Cool Come soon.
And they hung up…….
Meanwhile Rahul texted Ishita (Preksha’s Best Friend), “Saransh is up what about Preksha?”
Ishita texted back, “I am at her place only, just come soon.”
Rahul, “That’s great.”
It’s 7:45 PM and Preksha was still busy editing the stuff, Ishita starts ranting, “Preksha c’mon ya just shut this all up. For how long will you work? Everyone must be coming anytime, I have managed to arrange everything but I just don’t understand how to divert your attention from your work.”
Preksha looks at her and just close all the windows on her laptop and shut down her laptop then put it aside and gets up.
Preksha: What’s the matter? Why are you doing all this suddenly? See, don’t lie to me, you know none can lie to me with an ease.
Ishita: Nothing, just trying to get that smiling Preksha back.
Preksha: I am fine Ishita, I have decided not to get sad on the same thing ever and ever again, it won’t help any of us to grow.
Ishita: You know Preksha, you have this bad habit of hiding everything you feel for a very long time and this won’t work in front of me and even Rahul knows that you are not okay so you can stop this smiling and all.
Preksha: Hahaha, it seems you guys want me cry it out to feel good.
Ishita: Yes, if it can bring old you back.
Preksha: Okay! Where is he?
Ishita: He is on his way to here, he will still take 15-20 minutes to reach.
Preksha: Call him up! He always lies in such time things.
Ishita laughs and dials his number. Preksha takes the phone from her hand
Rahul: Hey Ishita! I am reaching in 10-15 minutes.
Preksha: Oh c’mon Where are you exactly?
Rahul: Hey Preksha, Just at the 3rd Last signal to your house.
Preksha: Okay, Still 20-25 mins. Okay Bye.
And she hangs up the call.
Ishita: What happened? Why did you hang up like this?
Preksha: Relax, he told me where he exactly is right now. So, there was no point of talking to him over call as he will be reaching here anytime soon within 30 mins.
Ishita: Okay! By the Way Preksha, can I ask you something?
Preksha: When did you start this? Taking permission from me before asking!
Ishita: Just Like That….
Preksha: Okay ask.
Ishita: How would you define love?
Preksha: Okay wait! Is it Rahul?
Ishita was blushing and nodded yes..
Preksha: Oh My God… Does he know this?
Ishita: Not yet, as I am a bit confused whether its love or affection?
Preksha: Okay! Love is not just an emotion or feeling, its “Human”. When you are in love, you will love every human around you, you would want to see everyone smiling and flying just the way you want yourself to smile and fly. When you are in love, you would do any sort of effort just to make someone smile, feel loved. When you are love, you would find ways to get in any kind of conversation with the person you love. When you are in love, you would always call up the same person whether you want to share something good or something sad. When you are in love, you would never make them go through any worse situation. When you are in love, you would start caring a lot. When you are in love, you would find every stupid romantic song beautiful. When you are in love, you would only look up to the same person whenever you listen to a song. And when you are in love, you are not ready to accept that you cannot imagine yourself without them as they become a part of your soul. And lastly, when you are in love, you would not get scared of accepting your love for them.
And she was in tears.
Ishita: Preksha are you okay?
Preksha: Oh yeah, so tell me now, is it the same way?
Ishita: Yes and she blushed.
And the door bell rings…..
Preksha gets up to open the door but Ishita stops her and asks her to get ready. And Preksha was like it’s a house party why to get ready? Ishita just insists her and sends her in. Preksha gets in and Ishita opens the door.
Saransh: Hey! You look pretty.
And Rahul kept looking at her for a while.
Ishita: Thank you. Get in.
Saransh: Preksha isn’t at home?
Ishita: She is getting ready.
Saransh: Then, I am leaving I am sorry.
Ishita: Why? Are you insane? She won’t say anything come in.
Rahul: Get in Bro. and takes him in meanwhile Ishita closes the door.
Preksha: Ishita, are they here?
Ishita: Yes, they are here.
Rahul: Preksha, can I come in?
Preksha: Yeah Sure.
Rahul jumps and move towards her room. Saransh turns and looks at him till he enters her room.
Rahul: How are you? I missed you so much. You did not miss me I guess?
Preksha: Oh Shut Up! Come here.
And they hugged each other. Meanwhile Saransh was quite uncomfortable so Ishita was trying her best to make him feel comfortable.
Rahul: Preksha, Can I ask Ishita out?
Preksha: Why are you asking for permission from me?
Rahul: She won’t say yes, until you are ready.
Preksha: Okay, you can ask her out but this should be a plain date nothing more okay?
Rahul: Yeah Okay! Thank you. I love you so much.
Preksha: Lets go now.
And they come to join them. Preksha saw him after a long time of six weeks and when she shook hands with him again after this long she could still resist herself from crying rather she smiled
Preksha: How are you Saransh?
And there Saransh was in a aww after listening his name from her after this long he had tears in his eyes as he was never strong enough to hide any of his emotions from Preksha. He was real in front of her and he is still real in front of her. And he hugged her but Preksha could not hold him back this time but Saransh held her quite tight this time.
Rahul and Ishita were like
Rahul: Why are they not together?
Ishita: Because When Preksha confessed her feelings for him, he did not say a single word.
Rahul: But he loves her too.
Ishita: I know and even Preksha knows this, but it won’t matter till he confesses or accepts his feelings for her in front of her because acceptance is very important in love.
Rahul: What is this? You know he never says I love you to anyone rather shows that he loves the person. And I think if his actions are saying that he loves her then there’s no point saying it again and again.
Ishita: It is important sometimes to say that you love her because you love so many people and show them that you love them then what is the difference between them and her?
Rahul: Oh yeah, sorry.
Ishita: Yeah, Better.
Saransh leaves Preksha saying, “I am Sorry!”
And then there was an awkward silence, so Rahul went and started his playlist and held Preksha’s hand and started dancing. Ishita held Saransh and they started dancing too.
Preksha: Did you ask her out?
Rahul: Not yet.
Preksha: Go ask her out now.
Rahul: After this song, as my favorite song will be played after this.
Preksha: Oh, is it “MEET”?
Rahul: Yeah.
Preksha: It was our favorite song, when did it become only yours?
Rahul: I thought you must be having some other song as your favorite.
Preksha: Oh Shut Up!
Rahul: Okay, but if I’ll shut myself up how will I ask her out?
Preksha: You want me to laugh I guess! It was lame.
Rahul laughs. And song changes so Preksha leaves his hand and he got on his knees in front of Ishita.
Ishita: What are you doing?
Rahul: Shh.. Just Listen to me. I was never alive till I met you. Will you make me feel alive for rest of the years I am living?
Ishita: Yes and blushes a lot.
Rahul gets up and hugs her, she hugs him back. Preksha had tears in her eyes as she could recall everything she said to Saransh. And Saransh was in tears too remembering everything she said to him. They looked at each other and both of them kept looking at each other for a real long and then she blinks. He blinks too and looks here and there.
Preksha came and hugged them, Rahul pulls Saransh too to hug them. And then Rahul and Ishita were to take a leave from there so they both left. Saransh and Preksha hsd no choice except talking to each other so
Preksha: Just sit, I’ll be back with the coffee.
Saransh: Okay, it should be
Preksha completes, “half table spoon sugar, 1 and a half table spoon coffee, half cup milk and 2 table spoon cream.
Saransh: You still remember?
Preksha: Yes I do, I do remember a lot of things, what to do I just cannot forget.
And she leaves to the kitchen, Saransh too follows her to the kitchen
Saransh: Why do you want to forget everything?
Preksha: Why should I remember it?
Saransh: Was it all for that day only?
Preksha: What was it from your end may I know?
Saransh pulls her towards him and holds her hand and looks straight into her eyes but Preksha was trying to avoid eye contact then he just lifts her head up and said, “Look at me.” And she had tears in her eyes, he just could not and cannot see her in tears so just wipes her tears and says, “Preksha!” and she just breathe again.
Saransh: Preksha, what was it? Whatever we both went through, was it all fake or what? When you used to tell me every damn thing that has happened to you whether it should be told or not. When you used to show those dramatic tantrums to me whenever I asked you to dress-up and party. When you never told me that you are way too scared of horror movies. When you always shared your pizza with me. When you used to laugh at our awkward situations. When you used to walk with me because my car got a very bad habit of getting broke down anywhere anytime. When you used to wake me up for shoots at 5:00 AM in the morning whether you slept well or not. When you used to cook food for me because I used to eat Junk a lot. When you used to get to know every time, I am having a bad day whether I told you or not. When you used to tie the knot of the tie for me because I always create a mess. When you used to let me put my head in your lap and sleep. When you used to just say, “Everything will be okay!” seeing me worried. When you used to scold me for not taking a proper diet, not doing the laundry on time, partying a lot and what not. When you used to come home and clean the house. When you make a bun of your hair and wearing those loose t-shirt and pajama with slippers in feet. When you used to wear suit with jhumkas and bindi. When you used to hold my hand and playing with my hand. When you used to come and take a bite from ice cream without even asking, when you used to motivate me for not giving up when some things did not go well. When you used to be my entry pass in a couple entry club. When you used to cry seeing me in pain. When you used to laugh on my jokes. When you used to laugh on your lame joke alone. When you used to work at my home because I was not well so that you can take care of me. When you used to talk to my mom saying, “he is okay, aunty just that he had a shoot late night so sleeping till now.” And that was 1:00 PM in the afternoon. When I used to get stuck in some argument only you had the argument resolving power. When this was all happening was it not for real? Because I felt every bit of it. It was not my dream, it was real for me Preksha. You being the reason behind me being fit, healthy, clear, free from mess, happy and in love.
Preksha was crying and only crying. Saransh was wiping her tears off and says, “I Love you not just as a friend but you are way more than a friend. Sometimes you are irritating but then also you’re cute. So, “Would you mind taking all your long drives for this whole life with me?”
Preksha: But your car always breaks down.
Saransh: I’ll get it fixed.
Preksha: “Yes I’ll take all the long drives of my life with you.”
