That Prettiest And Kindest Soul Of Our College

  Every college guy wants to get befriended with the prettiest girl at the college. At least this is a wish of a guy during the first year of his college life. I also had that sort of wish. Well, see what's my luck came up to !! I mean the prettiest girl was in our section itself. But I had a notion that the prettiest girl of our batch was supposed to be out of my reach, and so I didn't dream about interacting with her. So, despite knowing she was far beyond my reach (back then I prevailed such perception) I attempted to flirt with her on her birthday and that I did it on Facebook. She often noted my coquettish attitude and so she became timorous when sometimes I would be near to her and she won't share looks with me. I better understood why she did that.

  It was the end of the fourth semester when I had a whim to be her good friend. Actually, I had compliments from many of my friends regarding her that she is a very helpful and kind-hearted girl and so that's why I got interested in being her friend. And during that time I had a genuine intention of having a friendship with her. So again on her birthday, I texted her "happy birthday" and she replied to me with "thanks ". But later on the night of her birthday, I texted " how was your birthday ?". I didn't get any reply though.

  I waited for one month because our semester exams were started. Then after one month, I texted her but I didn't get any reply. I brimmed for hours and started brooding as I wanted to be her good friend but she didn't give me any chance. So I was really infuriated back then and so I deleted her number and decided not to even look at her. I had written a ballad (a poem that depicts a story) once which was about her and that I sent it to our group. I had a feeling that she had read it. Well, I shunned that girl for months as if it was payback for what she did to me before. But after some months I was back to square one – I missed her and wanted to interact with her. Unfortunately, she did the opposite (shunned me like I used to do before).

   Then it was the beginning of the sixth semester when she didn't come to college for the above one month. I was a bit tensed then. I knew from someone that she had some family problems due to which she couldn't attend classes. I was quite concerned about her and was thinking about what she might be going through as she was in bereavement back then. Well, during the internals she came back to college and I saw her at the examination hall. We both shared looks towards each other while she was finding her seat but I was already sitting on my seat. After that, I didn't intend to look at her while I saw her at the canteen–she often contemplated towards me but I hesitated and looked down instead. I became adamant at that moment. Then it was the last month of the sixth semester when our project group was allotted. In our group, there were only boys and so I called our group a 'bachelor party. Coincidentally she was in the adjacent group and we had the same guide.

  Then again on her birthday, I texted her "happy birthday" at 12:04 am. She, as usual, replied, " thank u". I also wrote on my Instagram feed about her and confessed that I knew I was very annoying but deep inside I always wanted to be her good friend. Unluckily, she didn't see that. After that, I had posted on my Instagram stories that were relating to her and she saw it. Certainly, after noticing all the posts relating to her, she advertently unfollowed me. I could know possibly that she got irked by all my posts and so she unfollowed.

  Our seventh semester started in the last week of June. During that period our project guide called us to attend classes, especially for explaining the introductory part of our project. As her group's project guide was the same, she also attended those classes and she was actually the reason for me to attend those classes. But still we both won't look at each other. You can say we both succumbed to our ego. When our first interim was coming nearer, I along with my friend visited our guide's chamber. Sir insisted both the group members for meeting him at 11:00 AM the next day. So I informed about the same in the WhatsApp group. Then the next day I and my friend came up and waited for other members to come by. Then after some time, she came along with her fellow mate. She also waited for other members to come. She then asked my friend relating to the project and after some time she asked me what sir said the day before. I told her, "sir said at interim the session coordinator can ask anyone in the group about the project and if you would know nothing about the project, then how u are going to say about it ?". Then before I could say something, my friend interrupted in between. Well, it was the first time I interacted with her. Irrespective of the conversation about our work, our first interaction went normal. I didn't show callousness in front of her. That day I had my TCS NQT exam and so I stayed at college after classes. At that time I was going in and out of the library consistently as I was having my final touch for the examination. During that moment she showed looks at me and I also did the same. Well, I certainly anticipated reconciliation between us.

  Then after one month, the results of TCS NQT were out and many students of our class selected for the second round –that is the interview session. All our friends wished good luck to those selected students. I also wished everyone in the group itself. Then, fortunately, she replied "thanks". I wouldn't take it as a coincidence because many of us already wished and some selected students already said thanks. I could also take that as reconciliation. And that day I felt exhilarated

  Then our 8th semester started on the 8th of December. We had classes only three days a week. The first week I wasn't available as I had my back examination, so I attended classes in the second week. Some days passed on, at college when our class went over I was leaving and heading towards the gate and she was entering through the gate. I figured her at a certain distance and I looked down (I wasn't shunning her, I was actually feeling shy). Then when she came closer, I look up and she smirked. But I grinned instead as I got very delighted. Now it was the day of New Year when I wished her and she did the same.

  Now again coming towards our last working day. The day when we all wrote on each other's shirts. So that day I wrote on her shirt. We all enjoyed that day very well. Then after a week, our internals started. Although we had only two subjects, the chances of giving it were low due to the pandemic outbreak. But still, we gave those exams. At the examination hall, I looked her and I didn't realize back then that it would be my last look at her. Then lockdown happened for which our semester exams got cancelled. During those times, I was eagerly waiting for her birthday because I could get a chance to interact with her and could show my fondness towards her. Then her birthday came up. As usual, I wished her at 12:01 AM. This time I wished by giving some exciting emojis on my text. Well, she replied "thank u" with a normal emoji. I also expressed the anxiousness of having interaction with her and was not texting beforehand because I was afraid of thinking that I won't get any reply. After that, she gave a casual reply "ohh". Then it was friendship day when I wished her the same and narrated my feelings to her. She then noted I was getting hard on myself and so she replied "chill".

  The point is she already knew my feelings for her but I was the one who was striving to be her good friend, she wasn't. So this implies she wasn't interested to interact with me. I should have interacted with her when I got the chance but I cared for my self-respect instead. Yes, everyone has their self-respect !! But if I would have reconciled earlier, then we both could have become best friends today. You know, this real-world is annoying: whatever we wish, never would get fulfilled ( most of the wishes don't get). But I could proudly say that I have cuddled her thousands of times in my dreams. She is such a sweetheart and I have been so childish and playful with her (definitely in my dreams). Now our BTECH life is over and now no more going to college and not more having her sight. Now I often see her posts and stories on Instagram. Thank God !! She didn't remove me from her followers' list. At least there is some sign of her for which she could appear in my dreams. I may not be a paragon of virtue but I don't want to believe that if only two persons are in a relationship, then their love is unique, and not any other person would suppose to love either of the two in that way. Well, If I will tell about my feelings - I made her the reason for coming to college regularly, I almost remember what kind of dresses she wore while coming to class (out of which I liked the pink dress as she looked very alluring in it) and replying heart emojis on her photo in the Instagram stories. So is it abysmal to have such feelings for her?

  See, anyone in our batch can conjecture that she has a boyfriend. I know at first, I attempted to flirt as mentioned in the second paragraph. But I have changed periodically and had a whim to be her best friend. And who would actually not want to get befriended with a girl having a pretty face and a beautiful soul ?!! Yes, definitely I took her as my crush because of the ways that I have explained in the paragraph above. But that doesn't mean I want a relationship with her or something. I just wish I could cuddle her in real life at least once. Somehow my feelings for her are quite incomprehensible. I know we couldn't have certain things in life that we wish to have. I think my fate was only to have a glimpse of her for the four years for which I could get 75 per cent of attendance. Well, considering this, I think sometimes things get messed up for good. But above all of it, I can proudly say that I love her as a good friend. Maybe if she would be reading this, she could understand my feelings which I indirectly expressed (definitely through this story). If my luck would prevail, if I would have the guts and if I got a chance to interact with her someday, then I will express everything verbally, and during that time I promise I will not become a jerk.