The Smell of Love

Is everything fine? Oh! Thank God! Yes, I am. Yes. Take heard her grandmother speaking excitedly in the mouthpiece as she entered the room.

"Naaz! Naaz!" her grandmother called out unaware that she was already there.✓

"I am here dadlammi" her honey-toned voice was amused. "Where are we going?"

"Oh! Naaz! Come! Come to my sweetie pie". Her grandmother panted pulling Naa into her lap. little brother God has sent for you." We are going to see the

"Ah! Has he come?" Naaz gasped feeling a beat skip in her heart.

A few days ago when Naaz's mother was still at home, she

had asked, "Naaz do you want a brother or a sister"

"Brother" Naaz had said decidedly. "How will I get him?" "God will send him" her mother had replied. "Pray to Him."

"Munni get Naaz ready". Her grandmother called out to the lean and thin girl who was kept to take care of Naaz and who's hair always smelled of pure coconut oil that she smeared on her head religiously every morning without washing the previous day's and whose hands always smelled of turmeric. Both of which Naaz detested and often complained about to her parents. Before her grandmother finished her sentence, Naaz had fled from the room. "Wait bitya wait" Munni cried after her. "You will trip and fall". She added fearfully as Naaz flew down the staircase, her little feet just missing the edge several time.

Naaz found a small stool and climbed on it to reach the sink from where she picked the soap and smeared it all over her face. Given the fact that she had never undertaken this task in the six years of her existence and the fact that it was a detergent bar that Naaz had picked and that there was no water running in from the tap, the consequences were rather adventurers, duztezious

"Munni! Munni! Come quickly!"

When Munni reached the bathroom she laughed aloud at the same time pitying the distressed cherub, she saw reflected in the mirror. Her waist-length hair was scattered and some strands had fallen over her lather-coated face, while she furiously spitted the detergent that has gone into her mouth. Munni took a mug-full of water from the bucket and splashed it on her face. Naaz gasped for breath. And such was the first moments of her sisterhood.

Munni took some water in her cupped palm and splashed it

softly on her face.

"Alright now?"

"Yes."

"Absolutely?"

"Yes."

"Let's go to your room." She picked her up.

"Will you tell Dadiammi about this incidence?" Naaz asked as Munni combed her hair. 

"No.

"Ammi'

"NO"

"Abbar"

"No. But I will tell your brother."

He is too young to understand.

"I will tell him when he grows up."

"Whatever".

Naaz did not yet bother about the problems that were not

immediate.

And five years later at that very spot just like that Munni sat braiding Naaz's long straight hair while Junaid trampled across the room accusing Naaz of not loving him.

"You probably love that stupid Ritesh more", he said referring to his eight-year-old neighbor with whom he had picked up a fight this morning.

"It was your fault"

"Still I think you should have favored me."

"Your highness may think whatever he feels like but I am not going to favor you at the wrong time and let you turn into an uncontrolled lout"

Junaid picked up more instances to prove his accusation.

For a while, Naaz countered, then she fell silent and a tear fell from her almond-shaped eyes.

At this Munni intervened.

"Junaid", she snapped. "No one loves you more than your sister. Know this once and forever and stop arguing with her."

Then she narrated the five-year-old soap incident to him.

"Why do you think she did that?" she asked at the end. "Because she loved you because she could not resist seeing you, because she could not wait to hold you in your arms, and here you are accusing your sister of not loving you!"

That was too much for a five-year-old. His small face was guilt-ridden. Then a cunning smile escaped his soft pink lips. "And because she did not want to smell of coconut and turmeric when she came to see me," he said in an emotional overtone and somersaulted in amusement. Naaz burst into laughter.

Munni ignored them both and collecting broken hair from the comb she pushed half her feet into her slippers and marched out. Naaz had detested that coconut and turmeric all these years

but now that Munni was getting married and going away she knew, she would miss that.

"Sorry Pi" Junaid had crawled into her lap and that was his

short form from Appl.

Two months later Munni got married. She was the last embodiment of motherhood for Naaz. Five years ago when Junaid had come home with Abba and Dadiammi, Naaz had asked. "Where is Ammi?"

She will come later" her father had told her softly." Would

Kurs you like to go to Seher

Phuphu's house for a few days?" had asked picking her up. Naaz had always happily grabbed any offer of getting out of the house but now this new role had taken over all aspects of her personality. "No thanks. I want to be with him. What do we call him by the way?"

That was a mammoth question for her grief-stricken father. There were endless names that they had dug up from books and magazines and those that had abundantly poured from relatives and friends. They had argued and debated and pondered and by the time a final list of three boys and three girls' names were made they had known half the Arabic and Persian dictionaries by heart. But those reminders were too painful now. He pushed them away. "Do you have anything in mind Naaz", he asked lovingly.

"Junaid"

And thus Naaz gave him a name.

She never saw her mother again. But she had come back sometime in those days as Naaz deducted now that Junald, Munni and she had spent at Seher Phuphu's house, to be bathed and wrapped in a white yard before she finally left. And two years later Naaz's dadiammi had followed.

"Will you come back Munni? Naaz raised her voice over the dhol and laughter and would have cried bitterly if she had to say another word.

"I will keep coming every now and then she said. Naaz felt the zari embroidery of her dupatta as she hugged her. Today she smelt of roses and her hair was smooth and dry. And just ask someone to drop me a letter whenever you

feel the meeting me I will come. 

"Will you?"

"Yes."

That night their father came to sleep with them as they were unaccustomed to sleeping alone and Junaid was unceremoniously shifted to the center of the bed where the mattress met making the surface uneven.

"PI," he said.

"Pleee"

"Hummm"

"The center is hurting my back"

"Oh! Come in my place"

"Has our Junaid started flying?" Abba asked in the morning.

"Abba, he was having trouble in the center so we changed

place". Naaz said. "You should have woken me up." He said to Naaz

"That was O.K."

When Naaz went out Abba said to Junaid "Junaid, you are a man now".

Junaid gave a proud toothy smile. "Yes, I am a man now."

Father continued "next time if ever you have to choose between your sister's comfort and your own choose to make her comfortable and take the trouble on your

"Alright, Abba. Now I am a man I will take all the trouble."

"Good"

The lesson was well learned.

At breakfast, there was the miserable laugh. Abba served two spoons to Naaz and one to Junaid don't want to see a single loaf left." he said and walked off to get ready. Both of them sighed. "I would rather starve than eat this Naaz clanged her spoon noisily on the plate. Junaid felt much the same but under the effect of the morning lesson, he first gulped his own and then offered to gulp down Naaz's too.

"Thanks sweetheart? Naaz was too pleased. She kissed nim

on the soft folds of his neck, and lingered there to take a

whiff of his sweet smell.

"Pl why do you keep smelling me."

"I love your smell

"What do I smell like? It's raining PI." He looked outside and exclaimed.

They held each other's hand and ran to the terrace.

"Pi what I smell like Junaid asked his voice cracking. There was a hint of mustaches on this man-boyish face. The apple of his throat throbbed when he spoke. Naaz had just freed him from an engulfing hug. Now she had to stand up on her toes to reach the top of his six feet frame. "You smell like life," Naaz said and a rebellious tear fell from her eve

There was a long silence.

Pi you know what you are doing it's going to make things complicated for both of us. We were doing fine this way, I mean this was not necessary. You can still change your mind."

Naaz got up gathering a couple of his shirts and placed

them in his suitcase.

"I have told you many times that I can study at a local college." Junaid said "Just keep shut and do what you are told. I know what is

good for your future"

Junaid remained silent.

"And now hurry up Abba will start getting angry." She said and left the room.

Two hours later Naaz sat quietly at the back seat, as the car struggled its way through the noisy streets. When it halted at the busy junctions flower boys, paperboys and beggars came to the window. "Sister Oh! The Sister they pestered. Naaz was oblivious to them. All her life she had responded to various tones of Pl. Initially, it was the broken stressed P that came from soft wet lips. Then the soft singing Pel or the excited or angry Pieeee then a cracking commanding Pi or

the fashionable English laced Ph. And now with each second, that voice was becoming distant. She had almost felt angry when the train was announced to be on time. She had hoped for a delay even then but five minutes later they heard the whistle. There was a rush

They hug briefly and then he was gone.

Naaz recalled Junaid's first day at the school.

"Come inside with me Piee" He had stood outside the classroom adamant, sobbing, pleading, and refusing to let Naaz's hand go. And when the Ava had literally picked him up inside the classroom, he had cried the longest and the

deepest pleeee of his life. Naaz had felt a surge of protectiveness. "He will be O.K. Abba had assured her. It began to rain, Naaz came back to the present. But an intoxicating aroma carried Naaz back to the deep alleys of memory. She remembered the first day when Munni had gone. They had run to the terrace and had their self-titled joy bath for hours in the rain. For a while, Naaz had been Joyous at Munni's absence. But before evening Junaid came down with a high fever and cold. Naaz was scared to death. In the time between she called up Abba at his office and he came with the doctor she had recited all the duas she knew and pledged to visit so many dargahs that she didn't even remember all by the time the doctor went away.

By morning Junaid was fine. But Naaz had realized her responsibility. It was still a long time before they found a replacement for Munni and for that matter they never found a permanent one. Women came and went and eventually Naaz and Juanid assumed that role for each other.

Glimpses of their intertwined life played in her mind. She remembered how she would chase Junaid around the house carrying the plate on which tiny portions of food were divided in the names of the people they knew and liked. This one for Abba, Juanid have it or Abba will remain hungry And this one is for And several years later ner the first bryst with his culinary skills-Araw paracha and a burnt egg offered after she had come from a board paper. She remembered the first stop she had fived upon him when he had failed to tell three-time six in the second standard. That day she had felt helpless

"Abba: four years in school and he does not know the table of three.

You worry too much Naaz take it easy" But she had not taken it easy till he had learned tables til ten by heart will never forgive you for this he had said sobbing, after

the six-hour gri

But two days later when he was the only boy in class to

know nine times nine and the teacher had made the class

clap for him he brought an orange bar at home time for

Naaz and kept it securely in his pag

7 kept it right here Pi" he said amazed and worried. He

fiddled again inside the bag and brought out a stick. "Only the stick is here, who could have done this Pi Naaz touched the bag it was wet and sticky. "You are a moron she had hugged him kissing, smelling and laughingher head off.

Tonight when she went to bed alone for the first time an encompassing dark sadness hammered on her, a numb restlessness crusading her. Her limbs began to shiver, it was too dark a night. And when morning came, it did not bring any light in her life.

"What's the matter Naaz? Were you scared at night?" Abba asked looking at her swollen eyes. Naaz remained quiet. "O.k. I will sleep with you in your room from now on." Naaz remained quiet and sad. That practice abba he had abandoned since the first caretaker after Munni came. Even when she went away Naaz did not care about making Abba sleep in their room. She did not mind anything as long as Junaid was with her. That was the only thing she ever cared about.

When Junaid called an hour later to inform of his safe arrival Naaz was relieved. They talked for fifteen minutes and then she dialed back to talk for another twenty minutes in which she repeated the sermons that she had been given him since the last one month. "Eat well don't stay out late, don't make too many friends, don't miss the prayers, keep all the phone numbers with you all the time, study hard.. and don't talk to girls".

When Abba left for the office she was still bubbly and smiling but in the evening when she went into her room she was rolled on her stomach her head buried in the pillow and her leg curled like a baby's while her entire body shook. Abba reached over to Naaz and held her close. "No baby, time flies by, you won't know and he will be back." "Call your friends", he said in the morning Naaz nodded absently.

During the day she roamed around the house sitting here for a while and there for a while. When the pot bellied cook tried to amuse her she smiled absently and when people called up she talked in monosyllables. There would be flickers of joy in between when Junaid called and then it would be the same all over.

One day Junaid called and told her that he would be home

by evening. "The schedule time is 8:30, but don't come, it may be late. I'll

come by myself", he said. "Just shut up," she said excitedly

"You will have to wait."

"I have waited five months," she said.

"Pi its hot, besides Abba will be tired..."

"Never mind about hot and abba would love to said.

come she

"How will half an hour make a difference Pi. And the train may be late two hours or three or four you never know."

"Well I can wait for 10 hours."

"Then go and sit there now."

As soon as he hung up, she called her father and made him promise to come back early. He was simply relieved to find her lively and joy after so many days.

When the maid came, Naaz made her clean every nook and corner of the house and touched all the surfaces to make sure that a single speck of dust has not remained. Then she called the cook and dictated the menu for the dinner.  "Bitya, you look beautiful when you are happy." The old

cook said.

"And otherwise chacha?" Naaz teased.

"My bitiva always looks beautiful, Golu laughed. "But i bell

you what

"What?"

"Bhavya would be too angry with me, you have started

looking like an underfed "I wont any more." She smiled genuinely

When abba arrived, the house looked beautiful. There was a new set of silk curtains that Abba recalled were used only once on Naaz's fourth birthday and since then there had not been an occasion joyous enough till today. There were new bed sheets and a beautiful embroidered table cloth The carpet was in its place after a long time.

The mouth watering aroma rose from the kitchen and

complimented the incense sticks that were burning with

quite joy in the corner of each room.

"Are you ready Abba?"

"Just one minute

"Abba Hurry up!" Naaz scolded.

"What if it arrives early?" The cook, maid and Abba laughed. Naaz realized her stupidity and smiled. Two hours later Naaz was restlessly shaking her leg sitting on a platform bench. Then she got up and began to pace about.

"Sit down Naaz it is just fifteen minutes now." How many now", Naaz asked after a while.Fourteen now, and just sit down", Abba chided her. Then Naaz remained quiet for a long while. First in happy anticipation and then in anxiety.

When she spoke again it was half an hour past the schedule time.

"NO! No!" she said looking helplessly at Abba. There had been an announcement of an hour's delay. "Just relaxe" ner father said lovingly.

of the next sixty minutes four she spent counting seconds from one to sixty. In the next fifty six minutes her father narrated old incidence about Juanid and her that had happened at a time that she didn't remember any more. He was telling her how she became Pl from Appl when they heard the whistle. Lots of people got up and Naaz's heart beat quickened. Abba held her hand and she held his with both of her. At twenty one she was a kid again.

Half an hour later Junaid was still not with them.

"He has probably not been able to locate us and went home

on his own. 1 told him he will come. But the train was late so might

have thought

"How can he be so dumb?

"Never mind Naaz. He will be home when we reach."

That thought sent a happy shudder through the whole of

her. On the way back the routes were diverted and they took the longer way round the highway. Before the highway began, there were long qulmohar lined road. Naaz recalled their first bike ride together four years ago on this road. slow down your moron just slow down. You will bump somewhere she had screamed all the way clinging to him. It was during one of such rides that he had told Naaz about a girt in his coaching he had started to like

Should I tell her Pi, he had abruptly stopped his bike. "Not vet. You are too young. When you grow up and settle down, we will talk to her parents Naaz had tried to keep her tone calm while her heart sank. The two months later she was cordially informed of the changes in plan. Relieved Naaz had laughed at her anxiety.

Now as the Gulmohar laden air brushed her face she allowed her mind to wander to future she thought about his marriage, and the kids who are going to call her Phuphi ammi "Will Junaid's wife also call me pi Naaz thought aloud laughing. Her father laughed too. When they reached nome Golu the cook was standing at the gate.

What, has he come? Abba asked as Naaz rushed inside. She came out again and overheard Golu's anxious tone, "Yes from Delhi, yes.... Just as you left. Abba rushed to telephone and dialed the number that Golu had jotted down.

The next day at this hour Naaz was sitting at the solitary bench in Delhi Civil Hospital while Abba mournfully signed papers to claim the body.

"He was a wonderful boy". A friend of Junald had just come to sit beside Naaz.

"It happened in such a split second. The truck hit us....... we were just 2 kilometers from the station. I fell with the bike..... And he was thrown to the other side"....Naaz went blank as her friend spoke.

Her mind ran sixteen years back and she almost felt the touch of the soft cheek the wet lips and the feather soft hairless skull..... She felt the small fist that closed tightly around her little finger. And the small limbs that would curl around her at night. All of which crushed to paste and powder just when she was ordering about the maid and deciding the menu.

A week later the hostel sent back his belongings. Naaz opened the suitcase. The clothes were laundered and ironed. That was the final blow. She picked up each piece of the clothing desperate for that familiar odor that had lighted her life all these years. But there was only the crisp perfume of an expensive detergent and a heavy iron. It was the time for the final farewell. She stuffed the clothes back and sobbed for the brother whom for all these years she had known by the smell and felt by the words. For the first time in her life blind Naaz picked up a walking stick and hesitantly made her way down each step of the wooden staircase that she had flown down from sixteen years ago when Junaid had come.