The Death Of A Care Giver

Two weeks back, I met a social activist to get information about death donations and their procedure. She has been active in this role for all her life and was very dry while talking about the process. ”You make a phone call when it happens, and then we will make the arrangements accordingly for organ recovery on time,” she explained. She was very detached and practical when she described the entire process in less than 15 mins.

Later, as we made further conversation, I learned that she (>70 years of age) was a Care Giver to her 103 year’s old father. To my surprise, when I asked her about her experiences, she broke down.

A 70-year-old daughter was missing her 103-year-old father, who passed away a few weeks back. She talked about everything in detail about how she took care of him and how she has looked after him all these years.

I was surprised to see somebody being upset about the death of a 103-year father even after a few weeks of the incident. A few minutes back, when we talked about after death procedure, she was so unaffected, but now when we were discussing her dead father, she was sobbing. How can a person be so detached and attached to the same phenomenon at the same time? I wondered.

At that point, I left it at that, thinking that her attachment towards her father was exceptional, and hence she still cries at his thought.

But, today, when I look back, I realized a strong point. Maybe, the daughter was missing her CareGiver role?

Every caregiver is born and dies with the need of providing care for a loved one who can’t look after themselves. Once the requirement ends, the caregiver’s role also ends. A vacuum is created in their life; even though it’s a huge responsibility that ends, the caregiver continues to stay in that mode for a long time.

The years of dealing with stressful situations make caregivers very vulnerable and less immune to manifestations of stress in both psychology and the body.

They are constantly in a fight or flight mode with increased defence mechanisms in the body. When the role ends, the body looks up to the caregiver and asks ”What next?”

The loved one cross over to the almighty and rests in peace, but the journey of a caregiver continues. The peace that they seek might come slowly and with time. But it’s a long process when the acceptance comes. I have personally seen a few caregivers passing away too soon after the death of the loved one.

The study, done at Ohio State University in 2003, found a significant deterioration in the health of caregivers and a higher death rate than a similar group of non-caregivers

To All CareGivers,

As we lay the dead to REST, ensure to take down your Care Giver crown and lay it beside the grave. Don’t carry it back in your mind and body. You are dead as a caregiver and that needs a burial too.

Pray for REST IN PEACE to the Care Giver role and get ready to answer your mind ”What Next?”