Nani’s Bhagavad Geeta - Fear

“Sunita didi, what are you doing here?” Seeing his neighbor’s teenage daughter under the small railway bridge that he and his friends crossed every day as a shortcut as compared to the foot-over bridge that had more than fifty steps, Chintu was shocked. “Sunita didi. Are you okay? What are you doing here?” he repeated the question, unable to see her face clearly in the darkness. Her petite frame cooped inside a small opening underneath the dark, dingy bridge, where rats and other rodents were abundant. Sunita didi, visibly shaken, her dress torn, messy hair, and trembling hands, turned to look at him. He could immediately see her eyes filled with incomprehensible fear. 

“Didi, come out. It’s dangerous to be in there.” Chintu fearfully requested her to get out of her hiding spot. His knowledge from daily treading the path made him aware of the dangers of the under-the-bridge cavities. Poisonous reptiles thrived on the abundant moisture, and rodents infested the damp pits. He had witnessed it.

However, Sunita didi didn't budge and continued to stay put, squeezing her body more inside the cavity. Chintu could see her hands and legs sore and bruised. “Didi, you are hurting yourself. Please come out.” concerned, Chintu was almost in tears. He leaned forward and extended his hands for her to catch and come out safely. But Sunita didn't move. She was trembling like a dried leaf. “Didi, do you want me to go home and bring Rajesh uncle here?” seeing that his attempt to get her out safely wasn't working, Chintu offered to seek Rajesh uncle’s intervention. Hearing her father’s name, Sunita didi nodded negatively. Words fell off her shivering lips, “No. Don’t call Appa.” “Didi, what happened? Tell me.” By now, Chintu realized that Sunita didi was terrified of something. Something sizable that she had trapped herself in a dangerous spot without thinking of the fatal consequences.

“Didi..please,” he persisted, still holding her hands. 

He stood beside her for a long time under the grave railway bridge. Once or twice the late-night express trains ran over the tracks over them, shaking the bridge to the core. But, in the present situation, the external shaking was far more tolerable than the internal tremors felt by Sunita didi. “What possibly is she so fearful of?” Chintu wondered.

As long as he knew, Sunita didi’s family was a humongous joint family, with many uncles, aunts, cousins, siblings, etc., controlled by the central grandfather. He was a sturdy, broad-shouldered old man in his late eighties. Even though the grandfather, famously called Ghenu Dadaji, was old, his grip and governance on the entire household were firm. Everyone in the house fearfully respected him. His orders were obeyed at the drop of a hat.

“Sunita didi, did Dadaji scold you?” poor Chintu’s brain could decipher the reason behind Sunita didi’s state. He tried hard to find one and get her out of her misery.

“No,” she said negatively, “Dadaji didn't say anything. He doesn't know it. But, Seema aunty. She saw me take it.” Chintu was relieved and puzzled at the same time. She said something after a long time, but her words didn't make sense to him.

“Sunita Didi. What did you take? What did Seema aunty see you taking?” he probed in anticipation of finding out more about the situation.

Silence. Again a speeding train passed overhead, making a loud rumbling sound.

“Didi. Tell me, please. Maybe I can help you.” His words fell on deaf ears.

Giving up on any hope of making her speak, Chintu turned his head to look for any trusted passerby who could come and help them. But, no one was on the deserted road except for one or two stray dogs barking at intervals. The thought of reptiles and rodents squatting around scared Chintu to the core. “Didi, listen. I am going out to get help. I am going to fetch Nani. Please, Didi. Come out and sit by the road. I will bring Nani. She will help you. Didi are you listening?” he asked, unsure of the reception. He tried to catch a glimpse of her face, her eyes, but it was too dark to see. “I am going away for a while. Please, Didi, stay safe,” he said helplessly. Unwillingly he left her to fetch Nani, whom he knew had all the answers and was the best-trusted person who could help Sunita didi in her situation.

….

It was past midnight when they reached the bridge. Chintu made Nani stand on one side of the road. The street lamp thankfully lighted it, and he went inside the bridge hollow to fetch Sunita didi. Thankfully, she stood outside her hiding spot and was at least at a hand's distance from the harmful living creatures over there. He carefully advanced the site and brought her to the clearing where Nani stood.

“Sunita beta. What happened? Why are you hiding here?” a concerned Nani asked. She could see Sunita’s state and relate to Chintu’s unexplained hurriedness in fetching her to this dreadful site.

“Nani..” Sunita didi lost her control and reached out to Nani, hugging her, seeking assurance and safety from loving Nani.

“What’s the matter, dear?” Nani lifted her chin and asked.

“Nani, I am a thief. I stole the jewelry set..” Sunita sobbed.

“Stop crying and tell me what exactly happened?” Nani assured her with non-judgmental listening.

“Nani, today was Mohan bhaiya’s engagement. Seema aunty laid all the jewelry she bought from New York on the bed, showing off each piece to us. The jewelry was stunning, and I couldn't take my eyes off a particular diamond set.” her sobbing had stopped, and she continued.

“It's gorgeous. I hadn't seen such a beautiful set in my lifetime. My poor Appa and Amma could never afford such an expensive set, ever.” she confirmed. “I touched the set and lifted it to watch the delicate diamonds closely lined up in a fancy pattern.” she stopped to rub her running nose. Nani let her gain composure. “I was looking at it when suddenly I didn't know, somewhere deep down in my mind, I had a powerful desire to hide the necklace and take it for myself.” her emotions erupted again. She was ashamed that her god-fearing nature went out for a toss at the sight of the fancy necklace.

“Nani, I am not a thief, and I shouldn't have taken the necklace. But, the urge was unstoppable. I couldn't help myself.” she cried.

“Just then, Seema aunty noticed me taking the necklace and hiding it in my blouse. Our eyes caught, and I got scared. I didn't know what else to do. I dropped the necklace and ran. Ran as fast as I could and as far as I could” she wept, hugging Nani more tightly with each breath as if Nani was her only savior. The sinful act was so overpowering that Sunita didi collapsed on the ground under its weight.

“Is that it?” Nani asked, sitting beside Sunita, comforting her.

“Yes, Nani. All my life Appa taught me about right and wrong. He taught me to walk on the righteous path through the danger of temptations and desires. But yet, here I am. I abandoned all those teachings in a fraction of a second upon seeing the beautiful, explosive necklace. Am I so weak?” she asked, questioning herself and her integrity.

Nani took a deep breath and waited for the moment to pass. She could comprehend Sunita’s mental state and understood the consequence of the complexities of desires and sins breaking one’s beliefs.

“Sunita beti.” Nani consoled her. “ I am glad to hear that you are resentful of the sinful act and that you are fully aware of the wrong that you did. However, the very fact that you are fearful of your wild desires certifies that your consciousness is in the right place.” 

“Fear is of two types, dear Sunita,” Nani added. “One fear is the fear of the external world and the consequences of being exposed and punished, and the other, the noblest of all, is the fear of one’s consciousness!”

“The external fear is shallow, that vanishes with time if not exposed or after serving the punishment, but the internal fear is more dee-rooted. The silent companion follows one everywhere - in a crowd and solitude. It’s impossible to escape this fear.” Sunita laid her tired head on Nani’s lap as she heard her words of wisdom. 

“Nani. How does one overcome this internal fear?” she was curious to know the remedy for her agony.

“The remedy is straightforward, my dear children. This fear listens to your inner voice and your truthful consciousness. One has to take responsibility for the wrongful deed and accept that the bodily senses, out of unmindful desires, perform the undesirable act. Then with sincerity, one has to correct the deed and forgive oneself. Fully! Self-forgiveness is the greatest cure for internal fear associated with beliefs and consciousness.” Nani stopped to look at Sunita, who looked more at peace and rested.

“Chintu, take Sunita didi to her home and make sure she gets to her room safely,” Nani commanded, getting up off the pavement with Sunita.

 “Go home, Sunita beti, and remember to say sorry to Seema aunty and seek forgiveness - externally from Seema aunty and internally from yourself.” Nani kissed her forehead and gave Chintu’s hand in her hand for him to lead her home safely.

“Thank you so much, Nani. I will always remember this day and your kind words.” She cheerfully followed Chintu to her house, a few blocks away.

Nani watched them disappear into the darkness and turned around, thanking God that everything had turned out alright.