Nani’s Bhagavad Geeta - Loneliness

Tens of soft lights reflected. She stood in the middle of the room staring at each mirror - minutely, each one reflecting the property of the physical state, but none reflecting the state of mind. 

"Desires aren't that selfish, no; it's not selfish; we all deserve to be liked, to belong to, and in doing so, we have a specific set of expectations that we want to reflect from people for us."

"I stand before this mirror, and the mirror is showing me what I am; maybe it's not my true self, maybe it's not what I am, but it's time to show me something. It's reflecting what I am and now, and now I am a .. "Puspha's train of thought was cut short by a knock on the door. 

"Come in," she said, drawing the scarf on her off-shoulder dress.

"Mam, your grandmother, is here," Raghu announced, letting the old woman into the van.

"Oh! Nani, I am so delighted to see you." Pushpa ran towards her vanity van door entrance to welcome Nani with open arms.

…

"How difficult is it to understand another's perspective? Do we fully understand their perspective, even if we love someone too much and claim to understand their point of view?" Pushpa asked Nani, who had now settled on the luxurious couch.

"We can get as close as possible we can get to it. But, no one man or woman can fully understand the other. You can only get as close as possible to other's perspectives." Nani answered, sipping the fantastic cold lemon juice offered by Raghu, Puspha's help.

I'm expecting something for the summer. I stand before the mirror, and the mirror shows me what I am. Maybe it's not my true self, but it's time to show me something. I like projected lights, but not reflection. I want to see it reflect what I am. 

She had invited Nani today. Her therapist, 'that potato man' as she called him mockingly, "upgrading his bank balance on my money," had advised her to speak to someone she trusts. "The first step towards driving away loneliness is to trust. Trust someone and have a hearty chat. Talk about yourself. Expose your vulnerabilities, unburden yourself." the potato man suggested after carefully studying her case. 'Heck, if I have to trust someone else and talk to someone else, why am I paying so much?" she asked angrily. She knew deep in her heart, 'this potato man is no good.' But then, her mental state and infamous weird ways impacted her work and her relationships with the producers.

"The losers gathered together and made me see that therapist." Pushpa gossiped as if it was a hidden secret in Nani's ears.

"So Nani, where were we?" she returned to her recliner and sat across Nani. "Today, I will speak to you about my expectations from life. Ironically, Nani, I don't have any expectations. The desires attached to the senses are on the surface, but deep down in my core, I desire less. The only company and the only person I want is me. How can that be?" she questioned Nani - her Messiha from childhood. She remembered the frail old lady before her who always had answers for everything.

"My narrow mind may think this is a selfish act, where I don't want to deal with others. Some call me a 'narcissist. This allegation is far from the truth. Why?" Pushpa paused and looked down as if searching for answers slopped on the floor. Nani understood. She cleared her throat and spoke, "Doesn't the teachings from our wise ones teach us to be Detached-Attached? Like you have to be within, but you still can be without. Superficially yet with full responsibility, one can conduct the duties and look after the loved ones, yet stay aloof and observe the well-being of self and others. These are the characteristics of Yogis, who remain in the Sansara, yet are away from it." Nani explained.

Walking up to Pushpa, Nani comforted her agitated and disturbed mind, "You have recognized your aloofness; it has a name." Pushpa looked up, quizzing Nani's abstract thought. Nani rested her hands on Pushpa's forehead and said, "You have named your aloofness- It's you; it's the Pushpa in the mirror who loves herself so much that she doesn't allow anyone to come close and hurt her. She has erected a fixed practical wall that wants none to enter. The doors open and closes per your wish. People may interpret it as self-centered or a hermit. It may look like it from a distance, but in truth, it's a kind of samadhi where you seek to find yourself in this solitude without external noise. That's the ultimate Yog that one has to perform in one's lifetime. Selflessly carrying on the duties, yet to be detached from them and the outcomes." Nani paused. She got up and pressed the TV remote shut, switched on the wall lights, and pulled the window curtains up. The late afternoon golden sun rays kissed Pushpa's face delicately. 

"Pushpa, you are not a saint and have your share of wrongs and sins, but you are truthful. You are never dishonest to yourself or cheat yourself. You take utmost care of your emotional well-being. That comes with a price, but no, it's free and has immense value. We all are selfish. We all strive for our sense's cravings. Although not obvious, our acts expect and have an eye on the outcome. How is that selfless Karma compared to yours?" Nani handed over the refreshing lemon juice she had just prepared to Pushpa.

"Being true to yourself and good to yourself is the greatest act of kindness in the world. You don't want any emotional attachments that will break your walls or someone to reach your core. You understand yourself and your purpose in life." 

Nani's mesmerizing words enchanted Pushpa. She kept looking at Nani, the frail older woman from her village who gave her and her young friends' pearls of wisdom. The one who always stood by them through thick and thin and had their back in any adversities. "How beautifully have you explained my loneliness, Nani? I am straight away dumping my potato man and saving all the money going into his pockets for something useful for myself." she giggled.

Satisfyingly seeing her good old Pushpa laugh lightened Nani's mood. The movie posters on the vanity wall reflected the truthful smile. The poster and mirror synergized. Nani closed the door behind her and walked towards the studio exit.