That Went Well

Girls have to get ready for hours for dates. They must have talked with their sisters about the boy of their dreams. The girl isn’t expecting to be dumped. I have to be the bad guy tonight. 

The girl will think I’m going to have romantic music playing in the background when she enters the house. She’ll want to kiss me all over. I better have earplugs ready for the explosion. Guys don’t fly off the handle like girls do. 

I’m not in high school yet just in middle school. I’ll probably have to break up with lots of girls. It’s better to get your first hand experience of seeing the other side of things. Girls who I have dated in the past always moved away. Some girls didn’t have the courage to break up with me in person. They would write a letter to me and then they would pass it on to my friends to do the dirty work. When I’m reading, there is a punch line. But I don’t get to see the end of the letter because I could feel tears coming out of my eyes. 

I’m dating this girl named Samantha. The boys warned me about her. She was rich and she was always getting a free pass with people always doing the work for her. My parents are big sticklers for getting a good education. Samantha wants the answers to the questions to help her cheat on the test. 

I’ve always been attracted by her beauty. I decided to get flowers for her to soften the blow of the break up. Her butler was supposed to be dropping her off. This was my only chance to see a girl in a fancy dress being dropped off by a limousine. This is the closest I’m getting to prom. 

I was sweating like crazy while waiting for Samantha to come. I wish I could treasure this moment forever because five minutes from now I’ll be crawling into a cave and never coming out. 

Samantha was glowing from ear to ear. She was wearing high heels. The waiter brought us the dinner menus. I wouldn’t be hungry after all this. The waiter brought us some bread. Like a proper lady Samantha had her napkin in her lap. She couldn’t help herself as she leaned forward me to kiss me but I turned away. “What is wrong bug a boo?” Samantha said. I had the flowers underneath the table. The waiter brought water. We ordered our food. I felt my blood pressure rising. Good thing she couldn’t see my knees bouncing around underneath the table. Samantha ordered a salad. I was jolted by the waiter pushing the salad over to her. After the waiter had disappeared I put the flowers on the table. Her face brightened up like sunshine. She called me by my nickname. I was glad that I hadn’t came up with a nickname for her. 

“Oh, it’s not even my birthday, so what’s the occasion?” I could feel my heart pounding In and out of my chest. I stumbled over the right words. It was like a tongue twister but finally the words spilled out.

 “You what?” she said yelling across the table. She put her hands on her ears. “I want to break up, “ I repeated. “I don’t want to do your homework anymore.”

Tears ran down her face. As I reached for napkins to wipe her tears away I accidentally knocked over the glass of water. “Are the flowers a peace offering or something? ”she said, grabbing the flowers and throwing them with some force at me. I was just glad I chose the flowers that didn’t come in a glass vase. 

She stood up abruptly. “I am so glad that I spent seven hundred dollars on this dress,” Samantha said. I took that to mean dinner was over. She requested that her driver come and get her. 

After the bill was paid I saw Samantha sitting on the sidewalk. The limo driver got out and held the umbrella for her. I’ll always remember her face when she left me standing there in the rain with two little flower petals at my feet. I’m glad that I’m not a adult yet because going to court would be complicated. I had a lot to learn about girls and love. For being the first time for being the one giving the punishment I did good. I could write a book about relationships with girls. That way if I had kids they could know what their father had to go through when he was their age.