Some Time With The Inner Self

Dear Diary,

The days of this lock-down are passing rather slowly. Some while ago, I was basking in the warm sunshine in the veranda, after a lazy bath. I had been checking the WhatsApp messages when a particular image caught my attention. It was a single sentence...

"If you can't go outside, go inside." It left me thinking...

I tried to reflect on its meaning, as a cool breeze began to blow. I found my inner self in front of the patchwork of my feelings and memories. Somewhere it was bright, while some appeared shady. But I found no missing part, no 'gap' in this medley of emotions that summed up my life. And that made my thoughts take a turn and ponder...

A gap... an empty space... an incomplete soul...

I had always found this concept of "empty space in the heart" (which films express so melodramatically. God! Why do they?!) rather vague.

How could there be an "empty space" in one's heart? I always felt that the interior of one's heart (not meaning biologically, of course!) was quite similar to the nature of this universe... Both keep expanding...

Could there ever be a 'gap' in this stretch of emotions? Or is it just our perspective?

I shifted to a shadier portion in the veranda, as the sunlight became stronger... My thoughts shifted again... On a topic, I had never overthought about...

Father.

That word, and its impacts, had remained a stranger to me. My single mother and grandparents have always been more than enough. I have nothing to complain about this gift that people call LIFE. (excluding the school syllabus, though. You have tolerated enough of my woes on that painful topic, and I won't pain you with any more, my friend;) )

But I have never understood (and still don't) the point behind why some people think as if my life is incomplete. I can remember my younger self... Curious about the role of this 'father', thinking... whether to be sad and sulk over its absence in life.

But as I gradually learned to decipher my emotions better, the realization dawned that there had never been a reserved quota for a 'father' in my heart. There was no empty space. Life is short, and I have no intention of wasting it by sulking over a person I had never seen. My life is overflowing with the millions of happy moments I have shared with my family and friends. Remembering their smiling faces left a ghost of a smile on my face...

My grandmother's voice broke my chain of thoughts. The aroma of her special chicken curry started a turmoil in my belly, as she called me for lunch. I got up and went in, leaving the mystical realm of emotions behind.

So long, my friend :)