Nefarious

There was a total chaos situation in the city, everyone in Ahmedabad woke up with shock that day. 20th March 2018, there was a headline in all newspapers- ‘City’s famous psychiatrist charged for killing 25 kids’.

I woke up and saw the newspaper, I tried finding name of doctor in newspaper and there she was, an ever-smiling photo of hers was published on the 4th page of newspaper. She was none other than Dr.Tanya Bedi , one of the most famous psychiatrist of city. She was probably the only psychiatrist who treated Children with utmost efficiency. I had a chill in my spine when I remembered how I had tried to get her appointment for my son. All I wanted was to get her counselling sessions for my son as he had started developing anger issues like most boys of his age. Today I am thanking God for saving my child. 

Being a journalist, I was even more curious to know the inside story of this woman. I asked at my office and they took permission from jail authorities and I got permission to cover her story. I was elated to know this as this was going to be my most famous case. But it was such ahigh profile case so I had to watch out each move of mine in a careful manner. 

I went to meet her in jail, because we had got permission of only one visitor so I was alone. 

I reached there and went to her prison cell, I saw her face, it was so calm, serene and composite, nobody on earth could ever guess that she would have committed such heinous crime. I put my recorder in front of her and she smirked, ‘So the table has turned, since years, I have been listening to people and today someone wants to know my story.’

I asked her in a blunt tone, ‘We all know that you have accepted your crime and pleaded guilty in court still its hell difficult to believe, that’s why I want to cover your story’ 

She laughed and said, ’oh yeah, and then any of your producer will cast some beautiful bitch to play me in reel life and I will become a legend’

I had no answer to this as it has been happening every now and then. I asked her, so u killed 25 children, were you able to sleep ever peacefully?’ 

‘Oh Come On ! Don’t be so dramatic, and let me correct you, the number isn’t 25, its 45 and I didn’t kill the , I have given them salvation from this cruel world,’ before I ask her anything, She took a deep sigh and continued speaking , I was 2 years old , and my stepfather came to my room one day and he asked me to remove my undies, I was a child , I did as I was told , and he started playing with my private parts, after sometime he was breathless and he asked me to wear my under cloth and he left, this had become a routine , he did that frequently, gradually I grew up as a young girl , when I was 11, he asked me to remove my top for the first time. It was the time when my buds had started developing , he took my nipple in his hand and started pressing it , it was painful, I winced ,and I tried to protest and he took my other nipple in his mouth and started biting it , My blood was there in his teeth, I was crying of pain , he put his handkerchief in my mouth and continued , that day he penetrated his thing into mine , it was so painful , my bed was full of blood , I got fainted in between and I don’t know when did he leave , Next day morning I woke up with excruciating pain , I saw that the bedsheet was changed, I tried to get up to pee but I couldn’t . My vagina was sore, My breast were paining and my soul was crushed, That day I knew I was raped. My mom came to my room and I wanted to tell er everything, I wanted to cry in her arms, I wanted to scream, and you know what? she said to me , ‘ Have a hot water bath and you will feel better’ and she left . then I realized that pain was more severe than the physical pain, she knew , she knew all of it ,but she never protested , almost twice a week this happened with me and I was living like a corpse , I wanted to run away from there ,but I couldn’t , I had no choice but to end this , That night my mother was making love to that monster, I peeped into their bedroom , He was not interested in her at all but she was trying her best , I thought that was the best opportunity , I went to Kitchen and turned on the gas and burnt a pooja diya nearby , Then I went to my bedroom and collected my diary and my doll and left the house, few minutes later I heard boom and the gas cylinder was blast . Entire house was on fire and that night was the best night of my life. That house and its haunting memories were finally finished with two monsters.

My mother had enormous money so all our relatives wanted to be my caretaker, I was 13 then, I decided to stay in a hostel, I studied hard and excelled in academics, I was 25 when I received Gold medal in psychiatry, will u believe if I say I had no friend, boyfriend till then. I had quit all relations with my relatives as well.?

I was looking for a new horizon’. There was this weird silence in that cell and suddenly lady constable came and told me , ‘Time is over, Now you apply for a next date and come’

I literally was stuck to place and I couldn’t get up, I was shocked to know the story of Dr. Bedi and I was more curious to know now why did she kill those children but I had to follow protocol and left from there, I wanted to meet her the next day itself but I got the permission of next week. 

Whole week, I was restless, I wanted to know why a woman, who had suffered so much of pain in her childhood, would kill children? I hardly slept that entire week, during day time, I used to find news and details about her and at nights, I used to roll at my bed thinking about her.

I had got an appointment for Sunday morning , I go ready and reached Sabarmati Jail, Before time . I was allowed to go to her cell at decided time only . 

I went to her cell, She was reading a Book and she was her usual self , she saw me and smiled sarcastically, ‘You are one kind of a restless soul, Aren’t you?’

I didn’t reply to her sarcastic question, I just smiled and said, 

‘Let’s begin, Shall we?’

She asked ‘ So where was I?

I said , ‘ You had said you were looking for a new horizon’.

‘Oh yes’, She took a long pause and said, back then I had no evil intentions , neither did I know what will I do in my life , then Psychology professor of my college asked me to join her father as an assistant. Her father Dr. Akash Dave, was one of the most famous psychiatrists of the world. I joined him and started learning the skills. 

His Hospital needed a specialist for child psychology. So he asked me to do specialization in that, which I did and later I was made the head of Children Psychiatry and Psychology department. 

Around 10 years ago, Dr. Dave died and I started running hospital. 

I interrupted her and asked,’ Why killing, When and how did it start’

She started thinking and then she was talking in a very low tone , ‘It was Samaira , Her parents had brought her to me as she would not open up with anyone , she was a shy and introvert girl, My sessions with her started and in 15th or 16th session , she told me that her uncle was molesting her , I asked her to share this with her parents, She told that she did so but nobody would trust her. 

I was seeing young me in that girl, Samaira, who was helpless and fragile, I called her parents one day and told the reason for her alienated behaviour. Will you believe if I tell you that they didn’t trust me at all , instead of seeking help for her daughter , they claimed that I am poisoning their daughter and hence she is making stories. Deepdown I knew that was going to happen , I had anticipated this , So in my last session with Samaira , I had given her tablets , which would work as slow poison , I had instructed her if her pain becomes unbearable , all se had to do was to take those medicines regularly for 25 days , she must have had done so, that’s why I got to know three months later of her death that she had passed away, I was feeling so happy , I know I was a liberator for her, I became the reason for ending all her sufferings , Since then it became easy for me , Any child who would come to me for counselling and they were victims , like me , I started liberating the from this World’s sorrow and plight. 

I didn’t want them to suffer anymore. I didn’t want them to go through the pain which I did’. 

She said and she smiled.

I was feeling numb and clueless, I didn’t know how to react at that. 

I asked her slowly, ‘Don’t you think you were playing with destiny; you don’t have any right to take anyone’s life, God does justice for everyone’

She got up from her place and banged the table, “Justice, what is it?, I have never heard of it , you know this justice and all , its farce, myth it is, Honestly speaking , Justice is for privileged and strong people, Haven’t you seen yet how laws are manipulated for the favour of few creamy layer sections of society, those who are actually in dire need of justice , hardly have an access to it. So please, Stop this bullshit, and ya , It's supereasy for you to talk like that , Such idealistic talks , You have no idea how difficult it is to fight with the self, I had everything , but I could not sleep, I had options of opting for thousands of painkillers , but none would relieve me from the pain which pierces my body every night, 

And if you seriously want to do something , go tell those sets of parents , who always think their abused and broken children are lying , These children suffer more when their parents are not ready to acknowledge their pains’

She was continuously speaking and suddenly constable came and reminded me to leave. I took my recorder, Kept it in my bag and moved slowly from there.

I didn’t know whether I want to see her again or not? I probably had lost courage to face her. She did what she felt right, according to her she was releasing pain of those children , but no power can justify to what she did, she didn't have any right to finish those kids lives.

‘who knows , tomorrow one of them could hv the whistle blower and brought change to many lives like hers’.