Let Me Live This Moment

I am Rahul. I’m five years old. I know because there were five candles on my birthday cake. My mom told me that my birthday cake would have six candles next year. I have a younger brother too. Mehul. His birthday cake had just one candle. He is the best gift my parents gave me.

My parents love me. But people outside my family give me anxiety. They give me strange glances and inquire about my parents. They talk about some milestones that I haven’t yet achieved. They say my speech is delayed. I have trouble communicating my feelings. I get tongue-tied when I try to speak. Words fail me, but I understand everything. Mehul too doesn’t speak much. But people call him normal. He can't even walk straight. He often trips while walking. I try to support him or help him when he stumbles.

We play together and understand each other. We don't need words to understand each other’s feelings. But when Mehul cries, I too get restless. That is when I want Mom at my side, not Mehul’s.

Doctors had diagnosed me with Asperger’s syndrome. That means I fall on the Autism Spectrum. It was two years back. It took some time before my parents could accept it. The last two years were tough for us. We were super busy with therapies and frequent visits to the doctor. My dad accompanied me each time. At first, my mom was expectant, and then Mehul came.

My family has come to terms with reality. We live a normal life, but social gatherings can become difficult for us. I feel lost and suffocated, but once I find a quiet corner, my imagination knows no bounds.

I have started going to kindergarten as well. I was scared in the beginning, but now I feel fine. Teachers are sensitive towards me, and so are most of the kids. A few kids get confused about my behavior. I think they are ignorant souls. I try to ignore them till they start to shout at the top of their lungs. Did I tell you I can’t withstand noise? I become restless, and then I only need my mom.

Mom says I’m a keen observer. They stress this fact. But I find it normal. How can you not appreciate God’s wonderful creations? I like to observe birds, ants, sand, rain, and trees.

The other day I was playing on my balcony. It was airy. The air felt so nice. as if it whispered something in my ears. I tried to listen but it was gone. I wanted to, but I could not ask my mom. I wonder what the breeze says? I’ll try to listen carefully next time.

We have a few planters on our balcony. I love to watch them. Birds come and sit on our parapet. I want to have a close look, but each time I try to approach, they fly away.

I can’t eat on my own. I spill and scatter my food a lot. I’m still learning. But I’m fine as long as my family is with me.

That day, my mom was helping me with my food and Mehul was playing around us when I caught sight of this tiny ant. It was stealing my food from the floor. I tried to block its way, but it changed its route and kept on moving. The crumbs of bread it was carrying were way bigger than its whole body. When Mehul was about to crush it under his foot, I saved her under the cup of my palm. His foot did hurt me a little, but I was happy I could save her.

People think I’m weird, but I think they are weird. Why can’t they follow me? I don't understand? Why do I need to fit in with their standards? Can’t they try to fit into mine?

I’m happy the way I am. I have my own pace. I’m in no hurry, only if you could wait a little while and let me enjoy my moment like my parents allow me to.