In My

"Twenty years back, world was not same. So was not my life. I was in down south with my mother and sister. I was six or five years old. Mother use to say that I had a nice voice back then but now I sound like a dragon that can talk. Have you heard a dragon, doctor? Sometimes I hear her. She frightens me but never hurts me like him. I don't know his name but my mother thought that he was a great guy. She use to treat him like her brother so I never complaint about him to my mother. It's not that she won't hear me out but she was already going through a lot. Her husband left her and went very far. Her in-laws burnt her clothes and through her out. At last, she managed to find a room for rent. It wasn't big, I think so, enough for a woman and her two children. You know doctor, I respect and love my mother a lot. But I was never able to show her that love.

Mother used to say that I was very active till the age of five but later I went seldom. She always blames her in-laws and husband for that. But that wasn't the only reason. Even if I was five, I could remember which incidents change the course of my life. Remember that guy, I told you earlier, a guy like a brother to her?"

"Ya, tell me"

"You are listening, doctor? I thought you went to sleep."

"No...No.. you were going good today, so I let you flow. What about the guy?"

"He was in his late twenties or early thirties, I'm not sure. He used to ride me on his cycle. First around our house then later till the end of the street. He brought me ice cream and I like to be with him. He used to hug me very tightly. At one point I began to feel uncomfortable around him. He touched me but differently when my mother was not around. I tried to get away from him but he always had ice-cream that attracted me towards him. Then one day I was coming from my school. He came behind me and offered an ice-cream. He told that he will ride me home and..."

"And go on. Please let it out."

"And he took me to an old church, doc. "There", he said, "are lots of ice-cream". We went inside and sat behind the Altar. He was watching me licking ice-cream. He held me closer and kissed me. I gave an uncomfortable smile. My heart was beating faster and I want to run, but it was late. I wanted to scream but I was unable to make any noise. He, then, made me sit on his lap. That time my world went blank. I can't breathe in a few minutes and I went unconscious. When I woke up, I was on my mother's lap and she was crying. I was afraid. I held her and said to her "don't leave me, alone".

"Have you seen him afterward"

"No, doctor"

"Do you remember his face?"

"It's over fifty times that I'm telling you and every time I say that I don't remember about him. Why you are so concerned about me, doctor?"

"Because I'm you. I'm in your head. You are not in a hospital or talking to a doctor. It's three am. Can't you see the clock? Exactly three twenty am. You should be sleeping by now but you are overthinking our last and questioning yourself for the past 36 hours. Try to sleep now. No one is there to hear us. We have nothing to do with this world. We are outcasts. Now try to sleep and always remember I'm in you. I'm you.