Everybody Starts Somewhere

The eight friends on the almost redundant whatsapp group got back in touch after about one year. They had all been in constant communication with one another and loved each other; nonetheless, there were six failed attempts in having a get together. Nobody deserved to be blamed.  Personal commitments and stringent schedules kept them preoccupied. Somehow, they were reluctant to give up yet. After coaxing and cajoling each other for several weeks, they succeeded in zeroing in on the 5 day group vacation in India. The eight friends who bonded over homework and movies back in their University days, 10 years ago, were meeting for the first time now. The icing on the cake was that the families were also joining in.

Dinner time

The first night’s dinner in the vacation was spent having a gala buffet in an ocean facing restaurant. The women were taken by surprise watching their husbands engaged in incessant animated conversations. 10 years had rolled by quite furtively. Commotion was inevitable – there were four kids running around the tables. The kids had befriended each other with no special assistance; the ladies were still warming up to each other’s company. Anita, a friendly-natured woman took the initiative to break the ice time and again just so none of the ladies felt secluded.

Anita was particularly intrigued by one Ms. Niyati. She seemed like a nice and a calm person. But, she did not talk much at all. There were occasional smiles; however, she did not feel like a part of the team. Anita meant to help her. She did not want to intrude into Niyati’s space but at the same time Anita did not want to ignore Niyati’s presence. When the other six ladies had gone away to refill their plates, Anita grabbed the opportunity to have a private conversation with Niyati.

“Hey, Niyati. Which part of India are you from?”

There was silence. Niyati managed to smile and hesitantly nodded.

Anita looked away briefly. Immediately, Niyati showed a message which read – “My English not good.” It was a Google translation.

It was not Anita’s fault but she felt responsible for putting Niyati in an uncomfortable position. Anita felt a surge of guilt.

On the other hand, Anita was proud of Niyati. Often, we humans hide our inabilities and feel low about sharing them with people for the fear of judgment. Niyati wasn’t that person. This was rare!

How do I make up? Anita drowned in her wandering thoughts.

Post few minutes, Anita responded to Niyati with perceptible emotion, asking her which language she spoke. Niyati replied in affirmative for one of the local Indian languages.

“Oh, let us chat using the translate application then!” Anita had found a way to talk to Niyati.  

Anita continued chatting with Niyati. No one really realized that the two were chatting apart from the on-table conversations. New found enthusiasm showed on Niyati’s face.  They were only exchanging bits about trivial matters but the efforts paid off dividends.

Long lasting friendship

 Long after the dinner and the vacation was over, Anita and Niyati kept in touch. They made video calls over Skype; messaged on Whatsapp and Gmail too. The combination of language learning for Niyati and exploring technology together resulted in a plethora of benefits for both the women.

Anita, a teacher and a counselor herself, loved using a wide range of tools to help Niyati learn English.

One thing she ensured was to never make Niyati feel inadequate. The least Anita could do was to make Niyati independent in her endeavors and happy to be learning.

Many weeks had passed. Niyati sent an emotional voice message to Anita. It buzzed on an early morning of a weekday. Anita’s hands were full until about 8 AM and soon after which she listened to the message first thing.

“Dear Ani,

I do not know how to thank you. I have been meaning to write to you and tell this to you since a long time. Honestly, I did not know how exactly to put it across. Sometimes, I felt shy; on other occasions, I feared it would sound merely obligatory. You are a close friend now, so I have no such qualms or fears. Ani, I was frightened to speak English all my life. I received help from family and a few acquaintances.  I tried enrolling for classes too a couple of times. I wouldn’t say I did not get the right help. Perhaps, I was not in the right frame of mind to acknowledge it –let me put it this way. But, on the day I began speaking with you, I felt a strong sense of genuine connect. I could trust immediately. We have come so far. Now, I am always so prepared and positive about talking in English. I want to continue our practice, our learning and this beautiful relationship. Love you. “

Anita’s joy knew no bounds. She felt content and a special kind of happiness aroused inside of her. In all honesty, Anita did not know how to react.

During one of their usual conversations months later, Anita shared her own personal story with Niyati.

Anita had not shared this experience with anyone, not even her closest family. The experience was an integral part of her journey though. She had scribbled notes in her diary and kept it to herself. That night, words flowed effortlessly as she spoke about how she had at one point been so conscious of wearing Western Formals. Anita was an internationally acclaimed teacher- she traveled extensively on teaching projects. As much as she thoroughly enjoyed the exposure, Anita fought a battle internally. She just wasn’t okay switching to western formals. Anita was quite a modern and well-read person from a not-necessarily a very conventional family background. Then what was it that held her back? Was it her body size and shape? Was it lack of experience? Was it the fear of failing to carry it appropriately? Was it sheer discomfort in a new sort of attire altogether?

Anita saw it as a minuscule part of her work yet she knew small things held lot of value in the overall framework. On some days, she had decided to finally wear nice skirts and in the last moment, overturned her own decision. Such incidents repeated and she never managed to come out of the cocoon. Anita was capable of learning global teaching methodologies and experimented with local cuisines and culture, but when it came to the professional dressing part she felt so insecure. Eventually, with small efforts, she put her baby steps. She started to admire and visualize herself doing something new and interesting instead of being driven by “get it right the first time” and “how good she was on a scale of 1-10.” Now, years later, she confidently wore whatever she wanted and also laughed heartily remembering those little moments.

We all start somewhere

We are humans. We all have our flaws and imperfections. It is like flesh and blood. There is no real escape. Even if there is one, it takes away all the fun. What might seem like the simplest thing on earth for one person ends up becoming a massive deal for another? 

Each one has his/her own inadequacies; his/her own stories on how they handled it all, and his /her own circumstances why they did not try it so far. What we can do to ourselves is to be aware of where we stand, never worry about what we do not have but focus on what we have in ourselves to forge ahead( It is a simple yet a powerful distinction). We should really work with other humans as if we are a team and do not have to look at it as threat. Like Anita and Niyati did. They each had their own gaps and issues. But, they had the courage to open up, shed the old skin and were ready to take the first step. 

 In their honest admissions with each other, they felt like equals. When you feel like equals, learning and teaching transcend to a higher pedestal. You make each other’s job easier; you definitely reap more than you sow.