Doubt.4 mins 379 4 mins 379
'I love her very much.'
'I don't know what will I do without her.'
'I need to do something special.'
'I want to make her feel special all the time.'
'I want her in my arms all day long.'
Etc etc etc were the words that flashed on my boyfriend's phone screen.
I hate to admit but I was always insecure about him leaving me. I trusted him with my life but the insecure feeling never seemed to go away. He didn't mind me having all his passwords and access to his social media. Sometimes I felt these actions of mine would be his reason for a breakup because they were suffocated him. I have been trying to stop the feeling for a long time.
Reading those notes was extremely scary and lovely because they could be written for me or someone else too. I wanted to ask him directly but was scared to lose him. But also scared to get cheated on.
I was very confused, to change my mind I entered the gate back to my world.
Well, my world is my room. I'll explain why.
When an introvert like me has nothing to do with people, they like to be surrounded by things like books, art or music or anything that makes them feel belonged. My room was full of books, canvas boards splashed with the brightest colors, cute soft toys staring at me with their shiny eyes and finally a 'Do not Disturb' sign on the door. My world revolved around my room and family. Until he came into my life. People say love comes in like a storm; unexpected, windy directionless like our thoughts, it's not true. Love creeps into our lives like a skilled cat. You start admiring the person in front of you so much that life without them would seem so impossible. I loved him a lot. My world now included him which is like the most important thing I could have done to someone in my view. Anyway, after three hours of extensive painting, I switched back to insecure mode. Sorry, I am an irritating person.
I was still wondering what and how to bring up this situation of confrontation. Finally, I decided to meet him.
1/2 hr later I rang the bell of his apartment. His mom opened the door and smiled. I went straight for his room. His room is mostly heaven for pop lovers. Posters, action figures, guitars you name it, he has it. There was every element required to mesmerize even the pop idol himself. Anyway, He was doing something on his table. I knocked on the door and entered with great courage. He was obviously startled, nervously said
"Hii wassup babe!??"... His voice was stammering and his hands were hiding something. I smiled suspiciously "Nothing's up. What about you?? I wanted to talk to you."
"Wwhh---hhyyyy?? Umm I..II am kinda busy... Can we talk later... You ..you could wait out...siddddeee..."
He was so earnest about letting me leave. Obviously I thought that thing he was hiding... That piece of paper behind his hand is of course not for me. The very thought of it made me cry. Tears dropped from my eyes one by one... "I... Aaamm. . sorry..... I.. .ddiiddd not want to be a burrr...ddee..en to ..... You." I said crying.
As soon as I had uttered those words, he took me in his arms.
"Hey I love you. .. I am sorry I didn't mean to lie to you." and wiped my tears off.
"Look you caught me red-handed. So now you spoiled your surprise".
I looked at him in wonder.
Behind his hands was a card in progress which he was trying to create for me!! For me!! And, not someone else. The card had all those sentences written in an artistic way with a very shaky nervous hand and was decorated with some dainty flowers on the side.
"I wanted to gift this to you." He said blushing pink.
"I wanted to express my feelings. I am sorry I made you worry. "
I was speechless and hugged him back. Tighter.
"Thank you so much, "I said still sobbing a little at how wonderful my boyfriend was.
We laughed together after the whole emotional incident.
I was indescribably happy and satisfied. Maybe catching someone red-handed isn't a bad thing.