The Ceiling
The Ceiling


How many cracks,
How many fractures
Till it crumbles?
How many more-
Till it all falls to shambles?
Been staring at the rickety cobwebbed ceiling for an hour now...
Or has it been a year? A decade?
Pretty sure I could map out all its undulations
And all its gore and dread.
Sitting up feels like a chore-
A losing war with my own self
A war I'm not willing to wage anyway
Cause it's all fruitless in the end.
There's a clock ticking somewhere
A fickle sound pounding horrendously against my eardrums
As they hiss into my conscience
Of the wretch that I have become.
Of the murderer that is me
Killing time-
Trying to escape the clutches of civility,
Reality...
Scrambling to outrun my mind
Playing my murders on loop for hours
On a sleek coloured screen
Highlighting the bloodsheds
The heartbreaks
The let downs.
Blood drips down my eyes;
No more tears to cry.
So I scream.
I scream and violently strain at the ropes-
Binding me to that bloody throne
Of my mind
Of thorns
Of hellfire.
I scream until my lungs collapse and fill with black putrid grease
I'm not s
ure my blood is red anymore.
But;
I break free.
I run without breath
Cause there's just no time-
I need to escape.
I feel the walls closing in on me,
Trying to squeeze me into their narrow confines
As I stumble and fall in the impenetrable darkness-
Tripping on human hands and human skulls
Of all those victims-
With their eerie wormy smiles,
Pulling me under.
I dig my nails into the soil
(Or is it just rotten flesh?)
As I feel a hundred hands wrapping around my body
Pulling me into the darkness-
Of expectations
Promises
And relationships
I've ruined
Cause I'm not enough,
Not deserving-
Not worthy...
Not worthy of love.
So,
I give in to the depths.
The clock keeps pounding.
My brain keeps whirring.
My corpse eyes stare
Into the ceiling.
Ignoring the far off diminishing screeches-
Till I flatline.
For a fraction,
I wish I didn't...give in.