Table For Two

Good evening! I'd like to reserve a table for two, please.

I'm aware that there's no one with me.

And no, I'm not on a date.

I'm don't expect to be graced by the presence of a love-laced damsel, enticing me for all that her charm is worth.

I do expect, though, that my alter ego would storm through your door, splash that wine onto my white blazer, and yell at my face, 

"If you were not the way you are right now, you'd probably have instead of me, the exact person you described to the waiter a few moments ago!"

But I don't judge him. In fact, that's why I called him here!

To tell him that- it's not about who is or is not to blame,

That it's not about why I don't re-ignite my old flames,

And that loneliness and solitude are not the same.

.

This guy here was so pessimistic about my adventure.

As he opened his Instagram to see reels of their beach shorts, and group hugs, and snowball fights.

He told me "You know why you're never gonna be in these videos, right?"

Now, you need people like him to give you a reality check.

But when that becomes the very thing you want to escape,

You start to take a good look inside of yourself.

And all you see is a stupid little boy

Uncomfortable when he finds no one walking by his side.

Desperately trying to prove to his own shadow that he is someone worth following.

That's when you stand him up, and remind him,

That sometimes, to understand the world, you need to turn your back towards it.

.

As I checked into my hotel mid-day, I saw the balcony of my neighboring room littered

With ashtrays and cigarettes and pizzas half-eaten.

And bottles of Absolut vodka, enough to inebriate all of Sweden!

I could figure out how many there were, and what went down,

But my guy began to taunt me, "Look who's got, friends! You must feel like a clown!"

He decided he was gonna drown before even stepping into the pool,

I needed to do something before both of us lost our cool.

.

My hotel had an outdoor dining area that, just like his constant swears directed at me, was empty.

The fact the night was colder than his frosted heart didn't help either.

There was just one LED light, perched atop a huge Banyan tree,

Shining brightly over a table below it.

The manager, unimpressed by my bravado of not even wearing a sweater, was kind enough to light a bonfire for me.

I poured myself a glass of whiskey,

Opened my playlist, put on some R&B,

And that's when it happened. When all of these elements came together.

The chill in the atmosphere had frozen time for me.

It's like I was rescued from the clutches of gravity that had pinned me down.

Nobody had punched me, but I could still see stars in the sky.

The silence. The music. The cold. The warmth.

The emptiness. And yet, the feeling of fulfillment because you didn't need anyone to make that moment more complete than it already was!

It was time to breathe all of that in. And never let go.

I could faintly hear my beloved neighbors blaring their boombox and yelling at each other.

But this time, my guy realized what was better.

.

He was pretty supportive for the remainder of my journey.

There were times we felt like royalty.

Be it paying for an entire jeep in a safari because no group was ready to share,

Or sitting in a lake-facing restaurant with a romantic setting, where the couples looked at the lone wolf in horror for obvious reasons,

And yet, I did not seem to care.

Because I realized what it felt like to enjoy one's own company,

To understand one's own thoughts,

Which doesn't happen amidst the mundane chatter and the routine chaos.

It takes idyllic reclusion to re-surface them, where they won't have futile noises to drown into.

And then it wouldn't matter if you're at the quietest of sunset points or the busiest of streets.

Your inner voice will never die out, telling you that you are complete. You are enough.

Sometimes that's all you need to hear from your own self when the going gets tough!