What Are You Thinking? (A Collection Of 2 AM Thoughts)

What are you thinking?

As you embrace the cold, serene silence,

Staring at the ceiling again, with dreamy eyes

That paint a picture worth a thousand words.

Words that are all jumbled up, and that make no sense,

And yet you try to figure them out as you decode unspoken thoughts

I wonder why you put yourself through the ordeal of peeking inside the beautiful, and yet terrifying mess you call 'your mind'

Or this is the rebel in you?

Telling you to confront your trepidations even when the world tells you to suppress them,

Building expectations in anticipation of the slightest flicker of positivity,

Even when the world tells you to lower them?

Whatever it is, you're gonna be late to work tomorrow, and-

You need to go to sleep.

.

But you aren't gonna listen, are you?

Nah, you'd rather remind yourself about that one time in 4th grade

Where you accidentally called your teacher 'Mom',

Or that time in middle school where the cutest girl in class was flirting with you,

And you didn't realize that until right now!

Are you really that reminiscent?

Or is this just to prevent you from thinking about why she left you and what went wrong,

Scripting fake scenarios in your head, the conversation that never happened,

Or maybe you're wondering about the night you hit the bars to distract your mind, and still returned alone.

You see, other side of your bed is occupied by your alter ego/frenemy, 

Who feels you deserve good things, but doesn't let you have them.

So until you kick him out, please don't wait for a queen to snuggle into your king- sized bed,

Please don't be so insomnolent because-

You need to go to sleep.

.

Or, maybe you need to listen to music.

Is it that song that you really enjoy 

But are too embarrassed to admit in front of others because they'll disown you?

Or is the one you shared with an estranged lover, or a distanced ex- friend,

That remind you how the times used to be, in what seems like a different life now.

Or do you feel like putting on the karaoke version

And imagine yourself vocalizing in a world where cacophony rules the industry?

I'd prefer a soothing choice that aids your slumber,

Because it's getting late, and seriously-

You need to go to sleep.

.

But again, who am I to tell you what to do?

People say control is an illusion,

And yet, they turn into owls the minute the lights go off,

Because it's the only period when they're in absolute command of their time.

Be it stalking your friends' Instagram for a multitude of reasons that- I don't wanna know,

Or re- visiting your favorite episodes instead of watching something new,

Or googling the most pointless stuff like- 'Is Mustang cheaper than a BMW',

Even when your bank account has a two- digit balance,

Or pondering over questions like- 

Why did Iron Man snap his fingers instead of passing the Infinity Gauntlet to the Hulk?

Do what you want. There's no one to bother you. No calls. No texts. No emails.

And that- is blissful, and worrisome, all at once

That's when reality kicks in, and you can't decide whether this is loneliness, or solitude.

Do you really not wanna be disturbed? 

Or are you secretly hoping someone hits you with that 'Hey, you up?'

The day you find the answer, I won't have to tell you-

You need to go to sleep!

You'll do it yourself.