She Said No

She said no.
But I stooped so low.
We shared thoughts in one flow.

She is a pain in my head. 
I've started to sleep facing the window instead.
Looking out at the trees dance in the wind blow. 

It's an eternal feeling.
More than getting what matters is giving.
Will I be able to convince her with that and stop her from leaving? 

Will she ever accept me the way I'm than the way she wants me to be?
because she's a walking angel with a light that's teeming on her, which makes me not want to leave. 

I think I need to buckle up and clarify what I'm thinking.

Now she kept the coffee down.
She has stopped playing around.
She's going to take me around the town. She'll take off her crown and tell me not to drown in sorrow of the fact that she won't say yes now. 

But she doesn't even say no.
Being with her only reinforces the feeling inside me. 
The lump in my throat is giving me anxiety. 

She tells me to change my behaviour and habits. 
But I think I can't do that. All I can do is put a little constraint to little bits and pieces. 

But tweaking my habits doesn't put her to rest.
Maybe she is ignoring the fact that I came from so far to meet her at her own behest.

She'll spend ample of money- for a meeting, talking, walking, and eating.
But will refuse to call me honey. 

Confused, I'm in a dilemma. Her obscure replies validate that my frustration is not induced. 

On beach. No conclusion reached. Just the sun basking my face and my mind at the brink of shutting with the thoughts that race. 

We discussed everything from our life to our first crush to us meeting and connecting too much.

But she doesn't seem so keen on taking the connection further as such. 

Drowned in my misery I said we won't meet again. She wants to stay friends but she doesn't know we won't be able to pretend. 

We get in the auto and express our final feelings and emotions through moments of intimacy.

We get down and say good-bye. I see her turn and walk away. Teary eyed I too turn and start walking my way, telling in my mind to myself "I don't want to meet her again. I don't want those feelings back. Because if I see her again, holding them back won't be so easy."