Of Life And Medicine

I'm coming to work

I'm becoming better

Though inside my mind I've started to stutter

The medicines work

They work wonders

Slowly and steadily they calm the thunder

I've always been passive

I've always been mum

That built up is the reason for my heartburn

The thoughts in my head have a physical effect

Connected to nothing, I know

But they make me regret

Things that I have done

The road that I have walked

From passivity to out in the light, I've tread through dark

Left so many poems

I'm writing for ads

Somewhere deep down I know it's not that bad

But I've wanted to be a writer

Since always wanted to sketch

I'm getting bored, restless, but I'm trying to stretch

Nothing holds my interest

Not even beautiful girls

Maybe I need to pop another pill to relief my tummy twirls

I wrote a good poem for someone I thought was special

Turned out the kiss wasn't anything

I reached a point of aggression

Emotions are deep, I'm also feeling down

Hard hitting, heavy, too much

They move like a merry go round

I've popped another pill and I'm on my bed now

Thinking of the times that have gone

And how I'v turned out

I realized I don't have a problem

It's something more than that

I realized when mother tells others the problems are just slack

She says we don't understand

"Weren't these problems earlier too?

Didn't we take care of ourselves? These kids will never know what we went through."

I don't mean disrespect but I cut my mum there

Interrupt to tell her that her words are unfair

They only put the blame on someone suffering from depression

Making them think it's their fault

Like medicines do no wonder

Like the doctors just put up an act, a theater

How will they know what I face

What many like me go through

Just because there's no visible damage, doesn't mean the mind can't be fractured too

I don't blame my mum, but I don't want,

that someone somewhere takes their life

thinking it's all their fault

It's more to do with chemicals

Inside the brain, nothing personal

Though when you look at it subjectively, it turns out the mind's a miracle

This loss, that regret, someone makes me deject

Walking alone doesn't mean you are alone

But not in my case, I'm all alone

The medications start working 6 months down the line

My doctor has told me that I'm Borderline

For long my damaging tendencies, I couldn't realize

Some fights, some arguments, some rejections

I realized what my doctor had told

And started corrections

My work improved, my life became better

I realized I no more stutter

Emotionally I'm quite stable, but I'll still try to stay mum

I look around, all smiling faces

Girls chatting up with guys

I wish I could look through their eyes

Because the sufferers and the parents, teachers

All the elders for the matter

They don't realize that the problem is chemical

But even that doesn't sum up what I'm trying to tell you

The clinical terms are fine

But you have to look through

Is personality sad because of the chemical low?

Or the chemical's low because of the sad personality?

Even shrinks don't know

I get angry, yes I do

I'm abnormal

I know this too

My mum wouldn't understand, they can't see my problem

She tries though

But she can't see the god, too

I realized years later

That I don't have a problem

So fixing the brains, though important, wouldn't work

I have to try something new

Some behavior change, habits

Form some hobbies too

Try to find fun, feel good

Maybe someday you will understand

That you, and I, don't have a problem

WE are the problem

I'm coming to work

I'm becoming better

Though inside my mind I've started to stutter

They say you get used to the medicine

I don't think I have

I'm worried, maybe instead of me, my problems have

Because I'm coming to work

I'm becoming better

But... inside my mind has started to stutter