Not her but him
Not her but him
sitting next to the college window
he was staring at the clouds
as they shed tears
or was it his heart that really was
those words he had said
still hung in the air like fog
the words he had said to her
that, it wasn't working out
a moment before
he was walking holding her hand
but felt nothing
like the sun behind the clouds
his heart wouldn't rush
anymore at the sight of her
left alone in his tears
at the window
every second seemed like an hour
and in those hours
in trying to find himself, he was lost
scared and confused
his heart had started to beat
not for her but for him
but for the boy who had
dreamt of holding her hand forever
trying to accept himself
was nearly impossible
his feelings were dragged down
by the societal chains
deserted , by his friends he was,
for not being a man in any way
it was just him
and his thoughts
trying to keep each other sane
he suppressed the screams in his head
begging him to start being himself again
after several silent hours
he gathered the courage
to finally escape the shadow
of his fake self
that day he was assigned a seat
in a blink of an eye his heart began beating
sitting at the other side
was none than him
it took him a moment
and in that moment
he was truly lost
the sunlight fell on those hazel eyes
looking back at the lover
who had found himself alive
but the sadness still consumed him
at the thought that he could never have him
he stepped down into his own world
he was tired of always
seeing everything
through the tears in his eyes
as the days went by
he found a friend in the guy who he loved
a friend who understood everything
about not being understood
a friend who knew the feeling
of being left alone
it had been long
since he had ever felt
so safe talking to someone
they had so much in common
so much to share ,he had finally
found someone who would really care
it was a Friday night
the both went out for a drink
the Friday he had decided to
trying to stop loving him
for not wanting to lose
the only friend he believed in
too drunk to understand,
he couldn't contain,
he suddenly told his friend
that he was gay
the words hit him harder
when he had heard himself say
but this time was different
this friend didn't leave
he held his hand tight
telling him it was okay
he hugged him tight,
whispering that, it was okay
for the boy who had
dreamt of holding her hand forever
someone had accepted him so easily
was just beautiful
he let his feelings loose
from the chains he had tied himself in
his friend was supporting him
for who he really was within
they spent every moment they could
together he kept loving him
they watched sunsets
drove endless roads
and there they lay on the cool grass
staring at the stars
It was Friday, the cool breeze mingled around
when suddenly he felt his hand
being held tight
he whirled around and they both were kissing
he teared up but this time it was different
and his lover whispered in his ears
"Will you be my boyfriend?..."