Muted Kiss inside Screaming Traumas

Oh my first kiss,

You are my holy wish,

As I put you on a pedestal

For too long, you turned pastel;

You used to be lively and vibrant,

When I was dull and silent,

You nurtured me with a preserved solace

And kept me from being reckless;

Though you are merely a deep-rooted fantasy,

And a made-up baseless fallacy,

Perfectly formed at my early teen,

Through the virtual 'Pretty Woman's scene.

Until late twenties, I smiled at you from far,

As I was scrutinised to meet the social status bar;

Though too late, love happened at its schedule;

To touch you, I wrote in my dream a manual;

Indeed, too big of a dream it was!

Love proved me wrong and left me with no sauce;

I thought you never meant to be real

And sealed you with an untouchable veil;

I numbed myself in the chaos of jarring reality

With the madness of mundane cruelty;

I just sighed deep and breathed out the suffocation

A decade went without a trace on vacation…

In my mid thirties, relocation to new city

Put me in a peer pressure of self pity;

Courageously, I unveiled you to dismantle

The pedestal against your will as you dandle;

Of course, you won and pulled me away,

From sabotaging my empath in a sway;

I said goodbye to the temptation with a poetic handshake;

I tightened the screws and smiled at your sweepstake!

Indeed, life kept me busy with a financial fight;

And family conflicts and medical bills kept me in a fright;

All fight and fright just stopped with a huge loss;

Purposelessness crept in with punishing claws…

Of course, four decades passed in a sweep;

You are still a shining star with no trace of sleep;

Now, noises of responsibilities rest in peace;

But, how did four decades passed just in a wheeze;

Integrity of honour and humanity decides my choice;

Never let dark temptations raise their voice;

The question what is left to lose pushes,

And I bravely ask a man for you without blushes;

I dared to touch you for a petty reason;

Indeed, you aren't ready to settle for lesser passion.

Dearest first kiss, you are still a virgin,

Muted inside my screaming traumas as I imagine…