Imperfect Utopia

Sitting over a pile of clothes

on the messy floor, 

thinking about living in a utopia 

and crying behind the closed door. 

Nobody ever knew 

what went through my brain, 

imagining the perfect life 

with a lot less of pain. 

Then came a cusp 

when it all got better, 

it was like a hunt 

but I guess I finally found the treasure. 

I was ferreting for happiness 

when it was always under my nose, 

it took a long time 

but maybe that's what I chose.    

Looking back at those days 

all the feelings feel so foreign, 

I am not scared anymore 

which I used to feel very often.  

It seems, all the negativity has vanished 

or maybe now I am just numb, 

I don't recognize, 

just what I've become.   

Everything worked out 

like it was supposed to be; 

like always, this time too,  

the universe heard me. 

From looking like a pallid day of winter sun,  

to being on top of the moon, 

I found my imperfect utopia,  

under the flowers laying strewn.