I Ask Myself

I ask myself,

Why do I feel this void inside of me... ?

I know exactly why , but I how do I say it..?

Its as deep as the seventh sea.

I ask myself 

Why do I still let you haunt me... ?

I erased your number , I erased your messages...

but your memories don't let me be free.

I ask myself,

Why did I believe that you are strictly mine...?

I know that you are busy with those seven others,

Hey....! Its totally not fine .

An amazing person I thought you are...!

I did ignore your hundred other shades .

Thousands of memories waiting to be unleashed, 

yet only a few hundreds made.

It hurts , it pains, it aches to see them fade fade and fade.

I ask myself,

Why did I let you create this conflict between my heart and brain ...?

For my brain says to shut you down,

but my heart refuses to do so.

Why did I make myself into a warfare ?

A part of me wants to seal, pack and lock your vivid memories,

for they make me gloom;

The other part wants to unlock and open it,

like a flower yet to bloom.

I ask myself,

When did you get so far away ...?

Yesterday you were holding my hand ;

You were within my reach. 

Today I see you in some far away land,

You had left behind this unbridgeable breach.

I ask myself, 

Why is it so hard for me to forget the time

When I fell asleep to your good nights and woke up to your good mornings ..?

Why is it so hard for me to let go of your memories with which I wept..?

Why am I still holding on to you even though you are not meant to be kept.

I ask myself,

Why did I not realize this sooner that,

Only because you broke me, I learnt how to fix myself up;

Only because you, you threw me away, I learnt how to pick myself up;

Only because you hurt me, I learnt how to heal myself.

and only because you left me, I learnt how to love myself.

I finally ask myself,

Not to confront you asking why you did this me,

but to thank you for doing this to me,

for it makes me believe that I am still me even without thee,

I want to smile and explore for there still a lot to see.