Elder Sister

whom should we cry for?

she asked me

I replied

no one

crying has neither rhyme or reason

you can just cry out of self pity

or the cruelty of life

dealt to you

she said

my cousin brother molested me

when I was 21 and him 15

I still can’t sleep with an open window

don’t let anyone touch me easily

the trauma still hasn’t passed

I asked

your family knows?

she replied

yeah, they all do

and I was actually blamed for it

maybe all that has shackled me

from being in a healthy relationship

all my life

I thought she looked beautiful

through the cracks in her soul

ebbing out tears the color of

black vomit

as mascara flowed down

her cheeks.

maybe I should’ve held her

tight and not let go

maybe I shouldn’t have left her alone

that night

then just maybe

today I’d still have an elder sister

to seek comfort and counsel from

or talk to.

I miss her, terribly.