Dilemma

I swing wildly between

cynicism and hope

I see beauty

and then the hidden blight

I feel empathy

and then the blame

That lays on the other

I hear love

And then the f-off bitch

echoing in the background

I hold myself back

just enough

From all offers of worship

for

How could I not judge

the depths other can plumb

For I know how far I can fall

This Janus face

prevents uneclipsed happiness

The only consolation

atleast

In the depths of my heart

I do not lie to

Myself.