Chaos

Chaos; something most of us dread.

But for me? I thrive in it.

It makes me feel alive, it gives me the much-needed adrenaline,

Especially when my mind is running wild.

You see, my mind is something complex, something different,

It is a myriad of negative emotions.

Dark, desolate, lonely,

Need I go on?

My mind is like a black hole, sucking in all positive thought,

Taking them to a place where it can never be retrieved.

But it is also like an echo, repeatedly telling me that I am never going to be good enough,

That I am never going to be half the person I have always wanted to be.

I used to believe in a higher, more powerful entity,

Something that would protect me at all costs.

I don’t believe in it anymore….

I don’t know what to believe in because I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t recognize the girl looking back at me.

I see a girl crying till she has no tears left to spare.

I see a girl who has lost all hope but clinging to the idea that she is not alone.

I see a girl who has been through a lot. But,

I also see a girl who wants to fight for her life, fight like she has nothing left to lose.

I am that girl and I want to fight for me.